Another houseguest and payment question

[OMGitsnotgood]

I’ve noticed a few comments on houseguests recently & whether they should offer payment to their hosts. Not something I’d ever have considered as guest or host, so I’d appreciate opinions on this situation:
Good friends, who used to live locally to us, moved about 2 hours away, very close to a beautiful and touristy area (not being specific, but like the Lakes or the Cotswolds). Since they’ve moved we’ve seen them when they’ve come home to see family, or met in the middle for lunch. We have a long journey to an event, passing not too far away from these friends to call in en route. When we contacted them about that, they invited us to spend a couple of nights with them on the way down and one on the way back. This suits us well and would be a great opportunity to have a ‘proper’ catch up. It is our intention to take beer, wine, and a bottle of their favourite spirit. Probably a plant/flowers/chocolates etc We’ll also invite them out to lunch or dinner & pick up the bill.
I would never have dreamed of offering money for board until a) I’d read a couple of comments on
MN suggesting some people think that it's expected and b) this friend commented once that she felt that some people were visiting them since they’d moved only to save money on hotels, which are v expensive in that area.

I don’t think she would think that of us, as we were invited by them, but again, wondering if I’ve been wrong all these years about not offering money? Whilst you never entirely know someone’s financial position, I am as confident as can be the these friends are extremely comfortable, and certainly aren’t living month to month.
So I don’t want to be seen as mean or taking advantage, equally don’t want to offend them by offering money.
Thoughts?

I always send flowers to arrive the day before my arrival and then pay for lunch/dinner.

I always send flowers to arrive the day before my arrival and then pay for lunch/dinner.

This is why I don't stay with friends when they are living there.

Apart from feeling awkward about dribbling on the pillows and needing the loo in the middle of the night, and wondering how long I can reasonably stay in bed or what time I should get up and so on, I hate disrupting people's ordinary lives.

I know many people will think I'm a bit odd but friends have offered many times to host me, but I declined very nicely and politely and met them for days out, and meals (at their houses) and such. I think there was relief all round TBH!

But having said that, I have stayed with family occasionally and that's ok because we know what we are all like, and it's more "normal" to hang around in PJs and make tea anytime you want and so on. I buy them dinner and groceries, plus wine every time, even though it's not expected.

I think giving money is a bit awkward on both sides, so what you are doing OP sounds good to me.

I stayed for 2 weeks with a friend last summer. I took her out for dinner, bought and cooked dinner for 2 nights for her, bought plants for her garden when we were at a garden centre. I also bought wine, beer, milk and also bought fish and chips another night. Monetary value overall unsure but the dinner was £100 and plants were £50. Never stayed so long as a house guest, was fine. She had to work PT when I was there. We shared a house when very young in our twenties so know each others habits.

It would be weird to offer money, if this is an actual friend, though I can see how it might be appropriate if this was your friend’s cousin’s parents and you are using it more as an Airbnb.

I think bringing things for the hosts and offering to pay for a meal and keeping the trip sensibly brief (not overstaying your welcome) all sounds fine.

We are those people who live in a desirable area who are constantly hounded by people wanting to visit. It drives me nuts. And it’s bloody expensive. It costs a small fortune. We spent £1500 on Christmas this year for food, drinks, meals out. People bring like a token gift and offer to buy us a drink at the pub (not even a meal!). It annoys me a lot. I’d like to put a blanket ban on all houseguests personally, but Dh would probably not see his family or most friends if I did. They all live far away now and would never invite us to theirs for various reasons. After the nightmare of the most recent Christmas (BIL/SIL just wouldn’t go home), I tried to remember the last time anyone invited us to stay with them. It was when I was pregnant with my youngest…he’s now 6!

In your case, a gift and a meal out is lovely, but I’d make sure it’s clear how long you’ve been invited for. If it’s really just a stopover for an evening meal and a catchup, stick to that.

We would have DPIL/DM visiting for a week every 6 weeks or so. We paid for flights.

DPIL would give DH 'housekeeping'. It was always done light-heartedly. They would be barely through the front door before they would be asking when DH and I were going out so that they could babysit.

DM would sometimes ask to have a takeaway which she would mostly pay for. She would babysit only if asked and would be slightly awkward about it. She grumbled a few times that visiting us was expensive.

It has just occurred to me that my DM's view was that 'host pays'. We had invited her to stay so we should pay and entertain her. Babysitting was a chore so she shouldn't really have to do this.

No I would never expect a guest to pay especially if I had invited them!
But yes take a gift and offer to treat them for lunch/dinner etc as you've suggested

Thank you everyone, appreciated

I'd find the idea of offering or being offered money to have a friend to stay bizarre. Instead if I were the guest I'd take some nice wine and choccies (and maybe some other stuff I thought they'd like) with me, and then take them out to dinner (or lunch if that worked better).

I would be offended if a friend, who we had invited, offered to pay. Fine to pay for a meal and booze, flowers etc.