What is bereavement counselling like?

[CapitanSandy]

Hi everyone,

A close family member passed away at the end of last year and I’ve been struggling with grief. It’s all I think about all the time and the waves of grief that hit just feel so painful especially at night.

I can function well at work but evenings and weekends are different.

I was thinking about bereavement counselling to see if that would help. I’ve had counselling about a year ago for anxiety.

I suppose my question is what’s it like? Did you find it helpful?

I found it really helpful. Check out Cruse.
I opted for phone counselling a couple of years ago but I think there is more choice now.

I think it was a great help to me and to other people I know that have done this too.

I would find tears rolling down my face at the same spot on my drive home almost everyday without being able to identify ‘what’ had triggered that.
We talked a lot and she asked gentle pertinent questions, none of which I can remember now, sorry OP!

If you give it a go and it’s not helpful you can always stop.
Take care of yourself and remember that grief is really physically tiring too.

Thank you so much for your reply@Headstarttohappiness
I’m glad to hear it was helpful for you.

Yes to grief being tiring sometimes I can have 10 hours sleep and others I’m awake at 3am.

I think I’ve reached a point where I don’t want to feel like this all the time but I’m not sure how to move forward when nothing will be the same.

Can I ask how long after your loss you had the counselling?

Hi,

I had bereavement counselling 6 months after l lost my daughter vis CRUSE. The counsellor was brilliant she saw me for 6 months and although nothing could take away my pain, she gave me genuine understanding, a safe place to say things that l did not want or was unable to say to my family.

She was very honest with me and gave excellent guidance.

I subsequently went onto another counselling service as l had used the maximum l could with CRUSE and the rapport was not there .

My sympathy on your loss. - take carr

So sorry for your loss

My younger brother died last month only a few weeks after his cancer diagnosis. I am really struggling, I miss him so much and can't believe he's gone. Often I can't sleep thinking about him. Maybe it's just natural and I'll cope better soon. Sorry for your loss.

I found it helpful. I only went for a couple of months, I just needed somewhere to let my anger out and voice all my regrets. I lost my mum and dad close together in 2022. I have great friends and a wonderful DH, but wanted somewhere neutral to let it out. Sorry for your loss.

I found it really helpful, was a referral to local services via GP if I recall as a long time ago now

Was great to be able to talk about them and what the loss meant without self censoring or feeling like I had to pull it together and have it all bottled up inside to function as a parent and at work

think it was 8-10 sessions, there was an option to extend but this was a good amount

So sorry for your loss @Manthide its very early days for you. Let your feelings come and take care of yourself. Do you have any support?

So sorry for your losses everyone. I’m glad to hear bereavement counselling has been helpful. I really relate to the self censoring and bottling it up to function.

The ‘lid’ of my grief is well and truly off now after a much loved colleague passed away unexpectedly this week.

I’ve signed up for grief counselling through work. I think it’s 6 sessions.

I've given counselling a lot of thought lately.

I lost my wife in January after 45+ years of marriage and I'm struggling to cope. But I can't imagine opening up to anyone, let alone a complete stranger. I can't let my daughters know as they are suffering too.

How can I tell someone how bloody emotional I get? That in itself screws with my mind as not something I've ever, ever had to deal with before. I'm of the mindset that blokes don't show that side to anyone, and definitely not to someone who doesn't know me.

I was widowed a year ago, and I did try counselling once.

It didn’t work for me. I was too uncomfortable talking to a stranger, but it can work for others.

But, I have got a close mate, of over 50 years duration, also widowed, who I can unload to. I don’t do it a lot though!

I really struggle at times, my appetite and sleep pattern is still crap, but I just plough on.

Spousal bereavement really is awful. ☹️

Condolences. It’s bloody awful isn’t it? 💐

It certainly is.

I can't believe how I feel.

Like you I'm struggling to sleep. If I eat it's always something quick and crappy. I'm feeling the nights the worst as that's when we'd be the closest but now they are the loneliest times I've ever experienced.

I hope your friend and yourself take solace in each others understanding.

@billyt the great thing about counselling is that you can say what you like, or not say anything. You can cry if you want. Your counsellor is there to listen to you and may also ask you a few questions to enable you to talk about things that are troubling you. Every counsellor is different and every counselling session will be different because the people undergoing counselling are different. They have different needs and think about things in different ways.

I highly recommend counselling - it is a way of allowing yourself to think/talk about the people you have lost and the way you are feeling in a safe space.

I have had counselling twice. The first time was when my mother died - it gave me the opportunity to talk about her and to cry knowing that I wasn't going to upset anyone else, which is why a lot of us don't do it (cry) I think.
The second time was when I was diagnosed with cancer last year. It gave me the chance to talk about my fears for the future, my worries for my husband, a difficult family situation, my anger. My counsellor just allowed me to talk about whatever I wanted - it wasn't all about the cancer. Most of the time I just talked, but she also asked me a few questions to help me think about how I was feeling. I came away with a little more self-knowledge and forgiveness for myself, which I wasn't expecting but which has helped. I have one more session to go, which I have put off until after the results of my CT scan 1 year from diagnosis (I have had the scan, just waiting for the results). I thought if I had bad news it would help to be able to talk about it with somebody who is not involved in any way.

My husband tried it but didn't find it helpful - I think because he wouldn't open up and admit his fear, although of course I wasn't there and don't know for sure. If you try it go into it with an open mind and be prepared to think and talk about anything.

I worked for 2 years as a bereavement counsellor. Most of my clients left expressing they had got something out of counselling. A few even wrote in later about how helpful their experience had been.

Some need to discuss illness and how it affected their loved ones. Some the suddenness of a death. Some the changes after and others still just need to have a place to express their grief.

I would recommend the book
The plain guide to grief by Dr John Wilson. For understanding your own processes. Also ask your gp there may be local support for free. I worked with a hospice that did free counselling.

Lastly I will say that it is a true privilege to be the person you talk to about your grief and your loved one. Many told me "I could not do that" but truthfully this was the most wonderful position I ever did.

Not sure what I get from anything. I just try to get through the days and nights. I know how you feel.

But, I can’t say much about counselling as it didn’t work for me. Although it might for others.😗

I had bereavement counselling when my brother died two years ago. I found it incredibly helpful. I would write down my thoughts before the sessions and go through them with her. I was with my brother when he died which was very traumatic so I needed to process that. I had 8 sessions via the NHS at a hospice. I'm sorry for your loss. X