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Original poster

Found out this week ex keep leaving my dds alone, what can I do?

9 replies

Twatexagain · 07/04/2024 17:36

Ex has dds 6 and 8 one night a fortnight.

My older dd bumped into my 6yo outside some public toilets in town and waited with her for over 5 mins, 8yo came out during that time too. Ex sauntered out after 5 mins.

When the girls were telling me this when they came back it transpires that he regularly leaves them for what must be over 20 mins to go to the shop and buy essentials.

What can I do?

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 07/04/2024 17:38

I don’t understand, we’re they all in a public toilet, but the girls finished and waited outside the toilet for him?

Original poster
Twatexagain · 07/04/2024 17:43

TeaKitten · 07/04/2024 17:38

I don’t understand, we’re they all in a public toilet, but the girls finished and waited outside the toilet for him?

Sorry if i didnt explain well.

My 8yo went into the ladies, he went into the gents, my 6yo didn't need so he left her outside.

My older dd happened to be in the same place, saw my younger dd and waited with her, and then her sister when she came out too. Older dd was there for just over 5 minutes until he came out.

So my 6yo was on her own for 5 mins outside a busy bus station toilets.

When the little ones returned they were chatting about it and he, apparently, leaves them alone in his house a fair bit while he goes off to do shopping as well.

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 07/04/2024 17:46

Can you ask him about it? The toilet situation is not at all idea but maybe he got caught short and had a dodgy stomach or something. The shop thing is more worrying but kids don’t always have the best sense of time. How far away is the shop?

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Original poster
Twatexagain · 07/04/2024 17:59

The nearest shop is about 10 mins away from his house, so he would be gone a minimum of 20 minutes. The girls didn't say how long he went for, but it would have had to be at least 20 mins.

Speaking to him is very, very difficult, I've had to try and discuss many things like smoking around my asthmatic dd, the girls not being fed properly, inappropriate clothing... the list is endless and he either ignores me or tells me that I'm a crap Mum so I can't talk.

The toilet thing is less than ideal, but he could have even sent 6yo in with 8yo which would have been slightly better, or there's a cafe right outside he could have sat them there and maybe asked one of the multiple Mums that frequent there to watch them for 5 mins. Leaving my 6yo alone outside was the worst of all the options.

I just feel that he isn't thinking about their safety, and I don't know what to do about it.

OP posts:
Iam4eels · 07/04/2024 18:23

Start keeping a diary of incidents and his responses when you've raised concerns, date and sign each entry.

Ask him to sit down with you and draft up a parenting plan so that you're both in agreement of what standards of care and supervision are needed for the children. Ideally ask him via text or email so that there is written evidence you've done so. Keep a copy of his response. This will show you've made endeavours to change the situation. You could suggest mediation to help reach and agreement on parenting arrangements.

If you've got safeguarding concerns then speak to children's services at your local council and report him.

If none of this makes a difference then you have the right to stop contact on the grounds of having safety concerns however this should be the nuclear option as it will involve going to court (although personally, if I was really concerned I'd simply stop contact with an explanation as to why and then leave the onus on him to start any court proceedings if he wants to pursue the issue).

Invisimamma · 07/04/2024 18:37

I'm not sure what you expected him to do, take them into the men's toilets? Grim, and inappropriate. At 6 an 8 they should be able to wait a few minutes outside a public toilet for their dad.

Leaving them home alone to go to the shops - absolutely not okay.

TeaKitten · 07/04/2024 18:45

Twatexagain · 07/04/2024 17:59

The nearest shop is about 10 mins away from his house, so he would be gone a minimum of 20 minutes. The girls didn't say how long he went for, but it would have had to be at least 20 mins.

Speaking to him is very, very difficult, I've had to try and discuss many things like smoking around my asthmatic dd, the girls not being fed properly, inappropriate clothing... the list is endless and he either ignores me or tells me that I'm a crap Mum so I can't talk.

The toilet thing is less than ideal, but he could have even sent 6yo in with 8yo which would have been slightly better, or there's a cafe right outside he could have sat them there and maybe asked one of the multiple Mums that frequent there to watch them for 5 mins. Leaving my 6yo alone outside was the worst of all the options.

I just feel that he isn't thinking about their safety, and I don't know what to do about it.

The 8 year old needed the toilet though so he couldn’t have left her in a cafe, 6 year old Might have wondered out of the ladies. I don’t think this one is a battle worth fighting.

The shop thing isn’t ok though.

RandomUser82 · 07/04/2024 18:54

He could have let the 8yo go 1st, then had her stay with the 6yo, not ideal, but better than leaving a 6yo alone in a busy public place. What if older dd hadn't saw her but 6yo saw her and went after her then got lost? Any number of things could have happened.

Weatherfor · 07/04/2024 20:49

Smoking around a child let alone an asthmatic one is such poor parenting and most would consider leaving children alone that age a concern….is it a court ordered set up or an informal arrangement?

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