Do you keep telling people when you have eg a headache/nausea?

[KoolKookaburra]

And if so what response are you looking for?

I genuinely ask as my partner has been telling me about a headache for the last couple of days. I have suggested things like "have some water" "have some painkillers" "do you want a nap" and I don't know what it is they are looking for but they keep saying it.

Sometimes it's just good to share your misery! I think he just wants some sympathy.

Sympathy?

I don't have a partner, but yes I tell friends. I been like this since Thursday. There is always something wrong with me- genuine but annoying.

Empathy/sympathy and also patience so DH knows I'm not going to want to do anything much. Also that I'm likely to be irritable.

Only if it's relevant, because it means I don't want to do something/can't eat etc.

I've given him sympathy. I just have to get oh with it when I'm ill though.

Do u have to get on with it or do u choose not to say anything?

Why do you? And does telling you he’s got a headache mean he isn’t getting on with something? Just commenting on feeling rough doesn’t mean opting out. It’s just info.

Headaches are quite hard to get on with, but yes I do quite often have to. If you’re not used to them, it’s harder I think.

However, my DH has got a cold now (I’ve been unwell with it last two weeks) & there’s a running commentary on every little twinge & loads of annoying sound effects. Won’t take any bloody painkillers, though! It’s making him feel better, at least…

Sounds like DH who had a headache the other day. Won't take painkillers, won't drink a glass of water but moans about how much his head is hurting. "But I took 2 paracetamol last weekend as I had a bad back". Yes but they won't be in your system 5 days later you idiot

I have a pot of silicone earplugs for situations like this.

Well yes. Most of us get on. I’ve regularly been at work under the influence of codeine for migraine. I was wondering in what way the OP’s DH isn’t, and why, if she lets him opt out, she doesn’t opt out herself in the same circumstances.

If it's only a one way thing then I would give short shrift back. Literally "and? You just need to crack ok like I'm expected to by you"

Because shit needs to get done. If I'd opted out for my stinking cold it would have gone on 3 weeks

My rule is that if DH hasn't done the basic things to help himself (drink water, take a couple of paracetamol), I don't give him much, if any, sympathy. Unless it's something like D&V which you can't really do anything about. I am probably slightly jaded though by having chronic arthritis and being immunocompromised so I generally feel a bit shit. DH was trying to get sympathy yesterday because he had a bruise on his leg. My back was so sore that I was on max painkillers and couldn't do much other than lie down on the floor.

Is he following any of your advice? Taking painkillers? Having a nap? It's annoying when someone doesn't want to help themselves. You can't help wondering if they enjoy suffering and the attention it brings.

When I have a headache and have tried everything reasonable to shift it, I would probably mention it again because I suppose I would want to share the worry. Also, I would definitely mention it again if DP forgot and thought I was ok for rearranging furniture or having his ma round. He usually does forget because I try to get on with day to day stuff as best I can and probably look ok.

If I have a headache (or anything else sore or annoying tbh) it occupies so much of my attention that I can't help repeating "I have a headache" or "my back is really sore" over and over, I know it's really annoying but I can't switch my brain over to anything else!

Also I will think to myself about how my annoying headache would probably be fine if I had 2 paracetamol and a drink of water or a snooze for HOURS before I actually do anything about it, while getting more and more frustrated that my headache is stopping me from being able to do whatever I'm supposed to be doing.

I think its not helped by the fact I have long term health conditions so the novelty wore off for me long ago

Ask him what it is he would like from you because you feel like he's looking for something but you don't know what and if you knew what it was, that would really help.

Yes, but there are 2 of you there. I live alone so I have to crack on. If you are sympathetically allowing your DH not to crack on, the. You should be able to ask him to do the same when you are off colour. What is it he isn’t doing?

Are you kidding. DH gets a play by play of how I feel, my energy levels, my sleep, any ailments x10, my mood. Is that not what marriage is about :)

Ask him why he keeps saying the same thing over and over again.