Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Would you change any life decisions?

20 replies

IIdentifyAsInnocent · 07/04/2024 10:53

Just wondering about other people's choices in life compared to my own and whether you would make the same choices again. I'm not looking for advice on how to earn more or save money, just more wondering if I'd do the same again in future.

My situation: I bought a large house 10 years ago which at the time was easily affordable as exDH and I had a large amount of capital from his previous house. When we got divorced I bought him out on my own and my mortgage nearly tripled to £2k a month. I do actually need quite a large house as I have 4 children (Inc DSS) and I work from home.

I remarried to someone who's income is pretty much stagnant and unlikely to ever increase apart from annual inflationary pay rises.

I got to the top of my own pay band 4 years ago and so have only received inflationary pay rises since and even though I've just got a promotion, it has only increased my salary by 2k a year and the next decent pay rise won't be for 5 years unless I get another promotion.

We have a nice enough life, holidays abroad (which are one of my non negotiables) and eat good food, however due to these choices, whilst we have modest savings that are not committed to a holiday etc (approx £5k) and month to month feel quite short of cash.

We have 15 years left on my mortgage and so will be mortgage free (all things being equal) by the time DH retires. Over the next 2 years all but 1 of our DC will be in employment so we will only have 1 dependant.

I know I'm very lucky, but sometimes I wonder if I'd make the same choice again to buy ex DH out of the house. I could either have bought a much smaller house (I'm sure we would have coped) and have a much smaller mortgage or be mortgage free much earlier, so that I had more spare cash now.

Then I remember how much I love my house, how having this house literally saved my sanity during lock down and also how this is the only house I have ever felt at peace in, and think I wouldn't change a thing!!

How do others feel about their choices in life?

OP posts:
givebeesachance · 07/04/2024 10:55

You can’t change the past though, so ruminating on what-ifs is really just a way of torturing yourself.

IIdentifyAsInnocent · 07/04/2024 10:56

But I could change it now. If I sold my house I could probably buy a smaller one outright. I'm just pondering it really

OP posts:
frazzled101 · 07/04/2024 10:57

Yes I would have went to university. I still have a degree but I didn't get the student lifestyle and I feel I missed out. At the time I was too sensible and worried about money to do it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

IIdentifyAsInnocent · 07/04/2024 11:00

frazzled101 · 07/04/2024 10:57

Yes I would have went to university. I still have a degree but I didn't get the student lifestyle and I feel I missed out. At the time I was too sensible and worried about money to do it.

Oooh I did that too. Kind of glad now though as my student dept was paid off within 3 years as I was working whilst doing it part time.

Why do you think going would have been better?

OP posts:
Soonenough · 07/04/2024 11:04

Most of my life decisions I regret. Didn't have the guidance to realise there were alternatives. Very much left behind my contemporaries. My biggest regret though is my choice of husband.

princessbeetroot · 07/04/2024 11:07

I always think the way you answer this question is a reflection of how happy you are in your life, rather than of the fact that you did or didn't make the 'right' choices.

I have been in an abusive relationship, been divorced and am permanently estranged from my family, but I wouldn't change a single one of my decisions. I have no regrets because I am happy and have a really lovely life, so there is nothing to question and I feel like all my decisions (even the bad ones!) have brought me to the place I am now. I would probably answer this question differently if I wasn't happy though.

I do feel your post is a bit of a brag though OP, I wonder why you felt the need to post it at all?

frazzled101 · 07/04/2024 11:18

@IIdentifyAsInnocent I think life would have been more fun. I also don't have any friends and I think so many people make their life long friends at college.

On the other hand it may have been a lovely experience as college isn't for everyone but I'll never know either way.

IIdentifyAsInnocent · 07/04/2024 11:19

princessbeetroot · 07/04/2024 11:07

I always think the way you answer this question is a reflection of how happy you are in your life, rather than of the fact that you did or didn't make the 'right' choices.

I have been in an abusive relationship, been divorced and am permanently estranged from my family, but I wouldn't change a single one of my decisions. I have no regrets because I am happy and have a really lovely life, so there is nothing to question and I feel like all my decisions (even the bad ones!) have brought me to the place I am now. I would probably answer this question differently if I wasn't happy though.

I do feel your post is a bit of a brag though OP, I wonder why you felt the need to post it at all?

I'm sorry you went through that, it sounds terrible, but I'm glad that you are happy now.

Weirdly I've had a very similar experience to that DS1 dad was a violent rapist, and I 100% wouldn't change it because it made me who I am and I can live with myself.

Definitely not a brag, although I can see why you think it seems that way. I posted because I have this feeling that maybe I should have made different life choices about my house so that I was less property rich and less cash poor. I was wondering if others have similar thoughts.

OP posts:
Sunnytwobridges · 07/04/2024 15:32

I regret most of my life decisions

i wish I hadn’t gone to college - it never paid off

i wish I had put myself first more than my narc , selfish DM who I prioritized over everyone even my fiancé which resulted me in losing him

I wish hadn’t made so many emotional decisions

i love my dd but I wish I had waited til I was older to have kids

Soooo many regrets.

ohthejoys21 · 07/04/2024 15:56

My biggest regret is choice of first husband. Put our kids through hell and gave them aspects of his personality that aren't great. Got it right with second one but of course didn't get his genes.

SkyeLou · 07/04/2024 16:10

We should have bought a particular house but it was the first one we viewed and DH got jittery. By the time he agreed it had been snapped up. Then prices rocketed and we ended up in a much smaller house for £60k more than we would have been.

SOxon · 07/04/2024 16:21

I would change ALL of them !!! if only …

IIdentifyAsInnocent · 07/04/2024 17:46

ohthejoys21 · 07/04/2024 15:56

My biggest regret is choice of first husband. Put our kids through hell and gave them aspects of his personality that aren't great. Got it right with second one but of course didn't get his genes.

Ah but then you'd have different kids? 😂 Or is that the point?

OP posts:
IIdentifyAsInnocent · 07/04/2024 17:47

SkyeLou · 07/04/2024 16:10

We should have bought a particular house but it was the first one we viewed and DH got jittery. By the time he agreed it had been snapped up. Then prices rocketed and we ended up in a much smaller house for £60k more than we would have been.

I would never have got my house if I hadn't absolutely pressured a jittery DH!! He wanted to think it through, I insisted that we put in an offer

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 07/04/2024 17:53

I wish I had decided to have my first child 2 years earlier so I could have tried for a 3rd. Apart from that- nothing.

ohthejoys21 · 07/04/2024 17:56

"Ah but then you'd have different kids? 😂 Or is that the point?"

Love my kids and would never regret them.

Stopmotion24 · 07/04/2024 17:56

Oh dear, where do I start?

frozendaisy · 07/04/2024 18:01

Our only regrets are not starting paying into a pension earlier.

But we are catching up now so no biggie anymore.

Nicetobenice67 · 07/04/2024 18:04

I wouldn’t cheat again and mess up my family life still regret it 23 years on biggest mistake of my life

vickyM7 · 23/04/2024 09:45

My biggest regret is living luxurious life and not thinking of long term savings. Being focused on outside picture, rather than internal world. I had very little money' guidance when growing up.
However I wouldn't come to this without all life lessons, so no point regretting it!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page