Lonely now kids are older

[teenboymom]

Anyone else in this position? My kids are 9,14,15. I know not fully grown up but just out with friends all day long. Yesterday and today youngest at football/play date all day yesterday and again this morning (I normally go, friends parents turn). Dh is around and we did go for lunch and walk yesterday so feel bad complaining. But just find I'm not used to my own company now.

I have a group of best friends and loads of other friends from work etc but we had our kids young and they are all in the thick of it now so never free.

Any tips? I've no hobbies, I like walking. Rest of social life is mainly drinking! Meeting friends for dinner, drinks etc but as I said, I find they aren't always free. I'm always the one to try arrange meets but sick of being turned down.

Its hard because you spend years wishing you had some time to yourself when kids are younger and all of a sudden you have the time and you miss being in the thick of it x

Ha OP I feel your pain but it will pass. I have a 17 year old and a 15 year old. They will be 18 and 16 in the summer. I enjoyed the peace and quiet if I'm honest once I got my head round them not needing me so much.
I took myself mountain climbing, to the cinema, into the garden and even out by myself for coffee. Also picked up some extra work to allow me some extra pounds.
I had mine both before I was 24 and married, then subsequently my marriage ended and I have since met a new partner and started with the babies again. Second baby and 4th child due next week. I really don't regret new babies but God do I miss some time to myself even to just sit and have peace and quiet with no interruptions lol.
It is a phase OP that will pass. As they get older, they still need you, just in different ways. I use my spare time now to try and get all the house and admin crap cleared up so when my bigger kids are actually home I can spend the time with them.
Hugs x

Thanks for that xxx

I don't know what's wrong with me today. I can't stop crying. I know how my mum felt now (and still feels) how did it all go so quickly! I'm sitting here in silence, older boys in bed, younger one still at football and DH at gym. I would have killed for this 8/9 years ago. Why does it go so quick? The perfect ages were 11/10/5 when I had enough freedom to have a lie on but still busy with them.

My youngest has just come home now so going to take your advice and relish in the time and just clean when they are out

God help me when they move out

OP, gentle hugs. I’m worried that this will be me too, as I get really sad cause I can’t quite believe how fast it has all gone and that maybe I didn’t make the most of it at the time. I’ve tried, but maybe it wasn’t enough. I do see the years in the mirror and in my face.

I think I’ll uptick the exercise and find a new hobby.
the mums in the thick of it will also get to this point, just older.

Perhaps join something that means you get out of the house regularly without having to arrange it each time, even better if it's something where you can get to know other people over time. Anything from exercise classes to local theatre group. I find time hangs a bit heavily if I'm at home on my own too much and like having a few things in the diary each week.

Mine are teenagers now. I have recently upped my hours at work (was part time for years), started doing home workouts in the mornings, joined a local theatre group and become a school governor. It's nice to have these arrangements for myself. Is there some local volunteering you can do? That's great for meeting people. Or evening tennis club, zumba class etc? Theatre, choir, art class maybe?

I do go to gym and Pilates but it's not set time, I book in each week for it. I'll make that more consistent, I'd love to join a theatre group! I love dancing, singing etc so will look into that. Nerves have always held me back!

I'm just in negative head space today, I've just had a shower, and doing tan, gonna put my makeup on and get on with it!

It's scary how fast it went. I tried to make the most of it when they were young but it's hard to be present all the time. I'm also trying to hold onto the now, still having them in at a certain time each night, still coming in for lunch after school. But it's hard to not feel sad at how quiet the house is

I also feel really guilty on my mum. She's on her own and gets so lonely at times. I'm always saying she needs to make more effort and make plans with people but it's hard when you are constantly the ones reaching out to people

I feel the same. DTs are 13. It was fucking hard when they were small but I'm looking back possibly rose tinted and missing days out at the farm, the park, anywhere really the routine, the company.

They are yard rats now and out from 9-6 Saturday and Sunday, straight upstairs to post about their days on SM and just about emerge for dinner. I'm sitting downstairs watching TV on my own. it's boring.

Same in this house. They are straight up and out, hard to even get them home for dinner. They never really watch tv with us. Unless phones/computer not working!

Honestly? Sit & have a think about ALL the things you could be doing/ all the places you could go. It's infinitesimal.

I have 19 (away at uni & miss him terribly, but he's loving life), 17 & 12. 12 yo has significant ASN & Uncontrolled epilepsy- someone needs to be with him 24/7. We adore him, but we're exhausted & I'd kill for time with DP to just 'be' or potter.

I don't mean to belittle your situation, but try & see how utterly lucky you are.

I'm really sorry you are having a tough time, my son also has epilepsy so understand the worry.

But in saying that, just because I'm lucky (and I totally appreciate that and regularly say it to DH) I'm still allowed to feel sad my children are growing up.

We're also lucky my sons epilepsy is controlled and sleep related so never had seizure during the day so we can slow him out locally with friends

I feel the same. Mine is 14 and always busy and out with friends, at dance etc, or if she's home she's normally got friends with her in the school holidays.
Yesterday morning though she woke me up with a cup of tea and came and got in bed with me to watch TV which was just so lovely. Those little moments are so special now. I always try a few times a month to think of something she will want to do with me too..last week we went out for dinner and to a VR place, this week we will go to the cinema hopefully.

Very similar Position here . I hear the advice about taking on hobbies / classes etc, but as my son is only just 13 I find it hard to go out in case he calls for an emergency etc

I also feel awful that I'm in a position that I have lots of lovely friends and DH. I also have a job I love. I work nights only so when off at weekend, I like to fill it so just hard when I can't fill it as everyone busy.

Anyway, my friend just because available so going for another walk!

It's a really tough one, I am also adjusting to this with one son who is almost 15. Getting your own hobbies is the only way, definitely not easy though? Know you are far from alone. If it gets too much get some help.

I think it's actually a case of getting used to slower pace again. If kids aren't here, I can't just relax, I feel I have to be doing something all the time. Like had walk with dh this morning then walk with friend, then still couldn't relax when I got back.

Of course you're allowed to feel sad, you feel what you feel, I'm just suggesting that you acknowledge the huge positives & learn to adjust: life changes all the time & we must adjust.

I've enjoyed every stage of my 2 older DC- ages 3-8 were particularly fabulous, but the rest were also great, just different. Looking back won't help.

I've spent a lot of the weekend on the sofa dealing with seizures, now presently watching Hey Duggee episodes with my 12 year old, because that's where he's at. I'd kill for him to be out with friends.

Kindly, you need to find a new way forward.