Forget the 10 disciplines from the Decathlon, what should be at the Olympics is the 'Real Life Skills Decathlon'

[Eeepsh]

First discipline is 'putting a king-size duvet cover on' - points for shaking technique and lost points for every swear word uttered.

No 2 - successfully giving your postcode to an automatic telephone robot - no it's not BA 2 it's fucking PL3 - again points deducted for swearing.

Anyone want to make any other suggestions?

1. Single handedly packing for the entire family for a week long holiday, (added points for knowing that you will have forgotten the most important thing in the world (in my case a pair of football socks) when you didn't actually know the very important thing would even be needed)

No 3 Successfully use a bus. (I know so many people who refuse to use one even if it runs 24/7 every 10 mins with a bus stop 100m from their front door)

Changing the clock on an oven

My nomination for no4 is the password challenge. Choosing a password complex enough to meet the ridiculous criteria while making it memorable enough so you won't have to get it reset every fucking time you use it.

unloading the dishwasher with a toddler on your hip.

packing a suitcase with 10% more clothes than should reasonable fit.

How to manage money, bank card, interest, mortgage etc.
Anything DIY

Getting dinner on the table from scratch in under 30 mins post work/school.

Being able to get through security screening at an airport without sweating, quickly and efficiently.

Not only getting the meal on the table, but serving something healthy and home made that two adults and two children will all enjoy. Points lost if the kids ask for tomato ketchup on it.

For the women's one, use an undersized public toilet cubicle when holding a newborn whilst on your period (due to some of the batshit threads, we should all have the ability to do this). Extra points for keeping your shopping and purse/mobile safe.

A two stage one: firstly getting through the packaging of any children's toy. Then building it / constructing it, as that will also be necessary no matter how small and self contained you thought the toy was!

Thread a needle

Just got back from a crazy trip to Vegas. Drinking every day, huge amounts. Getting back into my routine, realised my period was a week late. Just done a test and I am pregnant. Im absolutely devastated. Not that I'm pregnant (we weren't trying but it would be fine) but I can't imagine what damage I may have done. Any advice?

Having all the ingredients for a school cookery project that you were unaware existed

@Sophia2286 wrong thread?

"Oh dear, looks like the British entry forgot that Straighteners can be considered an electronic item if the security guy is overdue his break. That might cost her a medal."

Successfully book a GP appointment. Bonus points if you can get one within 24 hours, or at a time convenient to you.

Successfully interpreting RingGo's instructions to be able to renew your parking permit.

Bonus points if you can arrange sufficient permits for the whole year.

Getting a full shopping trolly of food onto the conveyor belt and back into the same trolly without having to hold onto bits that are falling off as you head out into the carpark (even though it definitely all fitted in the trolly as you are going round the shop)

Returning your car to the right car hire place/terminal at Heathrow. Points deducted if you miss your turn and have to go around again.

Grate cheese whilst breastfeeding (for the record I spectacularly failed to qualify in this slightly niche section)

Talk a poo out of a reluctant toddler

Identify purpose of all keys in kitchen junk drawer

Wee behind a bush in espadrilles without getting them wet

@Hereallweek "the judges are conferring. Lip salve was considered a gel until the IOC ruling of 2025. Her coach is beside herself".

No one can do that. Even an Olympian.

Do your child's maths homework.

Honestly, I sent DDs homework to my brother once he has a Masters degree in pure mathematics. Him and my father puzzled over it for ages. It was completely illogical.

Anyone of a certain age remember Victoria Wood's middle aged Olympics, I think putting together flat pack furniture was one discipline 😃