Is this majority men ??

[butterflywingss]

My husband and I have been arguing a lot lately because he keeps saying the majority of men are like him and they do their own thing and that only a small portion of men spend time with their family (partner and kids). Also that I should be grateful that he comes home to us because a lot of women's husbands don't or go and do their own thing. Men don't really look after kids and all that 1920's bullcrap!

I've said that actually only boys think that way and that real men would never!

From guys only, please tell me are you part of this majority ?? Tell me what does a REAL man do ??

I don't understand where he gets this backwards mentality

So a hanger on, not part of the family. Bye bye.

My DH chooses to spend time with us. I choose to spend my time with him. Just been on a run together, now off to London with DC to watch a show and have dinner. We’ll be jet washing the patio tomoz… back to work Monday.

We do go out with friends but my default, and his, is family first.

Oh, sorry not a guy!

He does take out the kids and VERY occasionally will make food or try and clean but it's the way he talks that bothers me. It's like talking to a brick. Being a decent man should be the bare minimum but this mentality and the shit that has been coming out his mouth is WILD!!

ExH, DP and my Dad are all like this but I’m sure there are plenty of men that aren’t. Don’t know how to go about finding one though!

You’re coming at his from a really weird perspective. Are you trying to convince your ghastly husband that ‘real men’ (cage fighters? Adult people with penises? Topless models holding babies in Athena posters? Men with toolboxes? Men who can benchpress twice their body weight? Hunter gatherers?) don’t avoid their wives and kids, whereas ‘immature boys’ do?

My adult sons a to went choose to spend time with the family that they love.

Don't accept this attitude or behaviour. Please leave this hateful man.

A man with a mentality like that is not mature and mentally ready to commit to a family. A real man respects his woman and his children and would never tell his wife she should be grateful he's home. Should I say he is also grateful that I am home and not in the streets ? I work full time and I am 100% full time committed at home and my marriage so what is a man's excuse?? Is a man washing and feeding their children making a man less masculine. It's not about how a man looks physically, it's how he treats and protects his family. Maybe it's mainstream media that has men thinking they need praises for doing the bare minimum.

What a nonsense! No, your partner is an equal parent to your joint children. My husband spends time only with us - family. He sacrificed his passion of mountain biking fir more than a year now due to us having a baby. Yes, he sleeps all night but it's the only one luxury he has. Actually, I need to insist on him seeing his friends.

There is no one definition of a REAL man. Just as there isn't for women.

My H loves me and the kids more than anyone else in the whole world (his words). Coming home is his joy.

My H would think your H is a knob. But there are men who think your H has it sussed as well.

I guess what you need to know OP is if your H is going to change or this is how it will be with him forever. No one else can answer that.

If my H said I should be grateful he came home he would be coming home to an empty house where he had to then, after 'doing his own thing', wash his own socks, cook his dinner and fit in going out grocery shopping.

I think or I’d hope that any men that are on MN like me and are not concentrated on the sex board would disagree with your husband. He is correct that without throwing my own under the bus that many men’s/ dads behaviour are in keeping with his world view.

Personally I find it sad that they believe they’re so alpha that it’s below them. I’ve had the pis taken for some of my choices but why bother having a family if you don’t want to be with them or get any joy from it.

I am not perfect by a long way I thought I was a great dad until I realised how low the bar is. My competitive nature made me step up further when I found MN by accident (baked potato fillings) and read a few things that really resonated with me mental load being the game changer.

I did find that stepping up further led to greater respect from my partner which improved family life and dare I say it led to improved intimacy Win Win Win!

Just for context I am working class from a northern town. Love male company loads of male friends. Full time working dad of two.

How long has he been spouting this nonsense and how long have you been married/ how old are the kids?

I get that people have a baby and they think the guy is decent and then he's shit. I don't get why they then stay, have multiple other children and complain he's STILL shit. Of course he is. He proved his worth with the first one.

But to answer your qn, we are DHs first priority. He looked after all three yesterday Inc coming home early because I was ill. I then went to bed at midday until this morning. He's washed, cleaned, fed and played with the kids. He's an equal partner and he loves us so wants to spend time with us. If he didn't want to spend time with us, I'd assume he didn't like us very much

Don't recognise this at all! My DH is ex forces, very much a traditional "man" but does more than his fair share of the housework, cooking, seeing to the kids, depends who's home first! And he is home most of the time, rarely goes out with friends, goes for the odd bike ride or to the gym. Your DH sounds odd!

His thinking is that of a boy, not a man. Maybe his one of those who hasn’t grown up, a Peter Pan type.

Real men respect their families, raise them up and protect them, not sneer at them, treat them like outcasts and ignore their needs.

There are lots of decent men out there and the funny thing I find is they are very respected by other younger men, who strive to be like them. A guy who is striving to be a bachelor will never understand value outside of himself, he remains infantilised.

I come from a military town and a military background, and I can think of several ex-army guys (‘real men’ in the traditional sense) who live for their wives and children. I knew a man, for example, who’d been in the army since he was 16. When I went round to visit his wife, he’d be out with the kids, or in the kitchen washing up. My grandmother used to describe how her dad, who was twice wounded in WW1, would do the washing up and put the kids to bed so his wife could go and visit friends. And that was in the 1930s!! I knew another man who was wounded at Dunkirk who was just the same - devoted to his family, happy to do household chores, loved playing with the children, etc. It’s only selfish, overgrown man-babies who don’t want to spend time with their kids. Men love being with their families, boys don’t. Sadly, many women today are married to overgrown adolescent boys who’d rather play with their X-box than with their children.

This sounds like a conversation I had with my ex recently. He told me that lots of men played football every Saturday and Sunday for 6 months of the year, every year for years! Plus the twice weekly gym sessions throughout the week. There was no family life, weekends were just me solo parenting. It split us up and i’m only sorry I tolerated it as long as I did!

For the most part he is a very good dad and loves and will do anything for his kids, and when he's not talking nonsense he can be very good to me and will try and do things to make me happy. I definitely find when he gets up to help around it puts me in a better mood and we get on better. There is nothing I hate more than a man child. I grew up in a very traditional household and the men generally in my culture are not that hands on and he picks on that and says I would never ask my dad or brother etc but I am not married to my dad or brother. However, he has grown up without a dad and a bad example of a dad and life has given it rough to him and he finds it difficult to budge or try and sacrifice and change his ways. I am more than happy to cook and clean but as long as he does his part as the man of the household. I see him watch these podcasts of men that sound and behave like immature boys and I wonder if from that he thinks YEP this is a man and this is what men generally do.

He sounds like a right catch.

So he is basing his reaction to real life in your household on online nonsense now.

And you just have to put up with it because he knows now he has a golden penis and you should be grateful he comes back?

He's still, at present, an utter knob.

But hey stay and put up with it, it sounds great you cook and clean and he gets to go out and you can be grateful and bounce up and down on his golden penis and be grateful.

Your sons and daughter will follow and think this is a successful happy relationship.

So if all men were selfish misogynistic lazy pricks, that makes it ok that he is one too?

No op, all men aren't cunts. I'm sorry that your husband is.

He is a man child and a misogynist.
Bye bye baby

You married a gaslighting immature manbaby.

My husband is hands on and utterly devoted to me, home and family.

Yes, to a certain extent. Most of my friends do as they please.

I don’t know any men like this. Your husband sounds awful and I wouldn’t want my children to be brought up with this repulsive attitude.

He sounds a bit thick tbh. That’s what low rent, low status men think. Real men step up and love their families, great men don’t have inflated egos or hide behind some misguided machismo. You’ve saddled yourself with a complete dipshit there op.