Not sure MN could ever resolve this but I'm seeing red and need a vent.
My OH and I have very different ideas about taking care of belongings. I'm of a 'buy once, preferably buy well, and look after' mindset whereas he is 'everything is replaceable'. He just doesn't seem to be wired to look after things and sometimes it drives me batty. Once he was travelling for work and he left his grandfathers watch in the scanner tray at the airport. He didn't realise till he was at the gate but he made no effort to resolve the situation. Didn't tell anyone at the airport, didn't write or contact anyone after. Just 'oh well'. When it's his stuff and his time that's something I'm trying to let go of (with varying degrees of success), but we now share a life and a family and so we need to find a middle ground somewhere. But even though he says he's trying (and I'm trying to be more chill about it) the issue doesn't seem to be getting any better.
He has a pretty good job now, so is wanting to spend a bit more money on things when we need a new version of something. But he's still not looking after stuff!! Just got back from spending 10 days away to find the BBQ, firepit and other bits and all the bits that go with it is still out after he used it almost a week before we left. It sits outside his office (down the bottom of the garden) so he must have walked past it multiple times but has left everything there without cleaning it or putting the cover on or putting the utensils etc away. It now has rust on, the cover has blown away, got caught and torn. It was all outside my line of sight and not somewhere I visit so I didn't see it or I'd have dealt with it. I've learned that if I don't do something myself or notice and ask him to do it it won't get done. I sorted it all out, and when I came back in the house he asked why I'd been so long, when I explained he just said "oh thanks". Not 'oh shit I forgot to do that!' or any remorse that now the not cheap BBQ is rusted and the cover torn. Just, thanks for putting it away. Now looking at options for removing the rust and seeing if I can fix the cover rather than needing to replace it have been added to the already long to do list.
This happens so often, in a multitude of ways. I feel like we (I) spend so much time resolving situations which would have taken seconds if they'd been done in a timely matter (stitch in time and all that). He's super good at following instructions, and usually does it with a sunny nature, but he's not proactive so essentially if I don't notice something and nag it doesn't happen and being the family nag is not a role I relish!!! But I can't be everywhere and see everything. Also sometimes I do ask and he forgets or life is busy (2 young kids and full time jobs, it happens) so I also have the mental load of remembering to check up that tasks are complete. Plus he's fine when I ask him once, but if he forgets and I remind him he gets so grumpy. It feels so imbalanced.
Like I said, I don't feel like its something which can be fixed. He says he's trying to be better, I'm trying to chill out, he's earning the money so feels we deserve the nice things. It just feels so wasteful to see things being damaged and needing to be replaced due to a lack of observation. Sits so uncomfortably with me. Ugh.