I want a job but have no time for one or childcare

[picolosmum]

Just as the title says really.

no funded hours for nursery yet and none local to us (I don’t have car so would mean lengthy bus journeys until daughter can start the village pre school at 3).

I’m fed up of having money held over my head when other half is in a bad mood, conveniently forgetting all I do to help with the business he owns (95% of the client messages and bookings as well as reminding him about appointments, he doesn’t give me anymore involvement than that and hasn’t put me on companies house.) He’s generous and buys me lovely things however sometimes when he is in a bad mood seems to think it’s okay to call it his money which is just shit really - he wouldn’t earn it if he had to pay for a full time cleaner (me) or childminder (me).

He works Mon-Sat 8-5/6. As I said I don’t drive and transport links are naff here. There’s a shop, no jobs available and a pub, no jobs available. That’s it.

I used to be self employed in marketing. Scared to try again. Love being with my daughter in the day but feel like I need to support myself now and have money behind me.

Please tell me you are married...?

No we’re not - engaged to be married soon though but I know exactly what you’re getting at. Hence my fuck what he wants attitude now time to protect myself for worst case scenario!!!

Then you need to go back to work FT ASAP. He can do drop off/collection from nursery, or he can hire a nanny.
Try and get some driving lessons too.

Why can’t your child go full time into nursery and he can do the drop offs and pick ups? That way you can get back to work asap.

Do not be a sahm unless you're married. You're risking your financial future as he could leave you with nothing except cm--no home, no compensation for the effort you've put into his business, nothing. Get a job asap.

Learn to drive!

Why are you living somewhere you have no support and not transport? Would you have brought there if it was your choice?

Not married and he holds ‘his’ money over you when he’s pissed off. These are very bad signs

You need to learn to drive and start working towards being more independent. As soon as you get those nursery hours, look for work. Or how about you work in the evening when he gets home and can take over childcare?

Have you looked for a childminder?

Why are you marrying this man? Why have you had a child with him?
He is controlling you financially and not even paying you for the work you do for HIS business. You are isolated in place, isolated socially, and isolated financially.
Are you sure this is what you want?

It’s a lovely area and so many local groups I’m a part of I genuinely love it here, with an amazing preschool and school for little one so do genuinely enjoy it where we are it’s just the transport. Hoping to have that sorted by next year in terms of driving for me!

He’s said he doesn’t have the time to do drop off and pick up with work (that’s true tbf) so he won’t even discuss that as an option!

No childminders in the village? My aunt is one of two in a teeny little village near me.

There’s one but she’s very questionable and is currently under review with the possibility of being closed down!!!

Nursery or cm near where ever you work? How old is dc?

Have you considered registering as a child minder yourself? You could earn and provide a service?

Become a childminder?

I totally get this. I live in an amazing village with one pub and one shop and really shit transport. Nobody ever leaves because it’s such a nice place to live and raise kids.

I was in a similar position to you, but I drive. Much to my husband’s annoyance, I got myself a part time job last year. I don’t earn much and I obviously have to pay towards the house, but I no longer have to ask for anything.

Driving would definitely make this easier for you for a start

Please tell me that when you finally get a job and become financially independent you leave him.

What he's doing with the money is abuse and coercive control. I know it might be hard for the person being abused to see that but believe me, it is. He buys you "lovely things" to keep you sweet, quiet and obedient.

If you can wait, hang in there until your child can get funded hours, get a job and get out. I wish you all the best

Oh gosh and you’re not married. Please do everything you can to get full time work. Can you free lance again and do the work once your DD is asleep?

Could you get some kind of work-at-home employment, that you could snatch at during evenings or weekends?
It seems ludicrous to be paying for full time childcare, unless you can work in a highly remunerating capacity - you'd never see your child and you'd hemorrhage cash 🤔.

Good luck, I hope you find a way through things soon.