Starting therapy soon. Dont know what to say.

[murkish]

Namechange.

Hi all,

I have been in quite a severe depression after finding out my partner was having an affair. At the beginning, i dropped a stone and a half when i was only 7.5 stone to begin with, cried or slept all day. This was about a year ago.

I visited my GP and started some anti depressants and he referred me for Mind.

I am due the initial call next week but i dont actually know what to say. I think im a bit traumatised by the affair and the way i found out. I feel rejected. I am beyond loney and ultimately feel hopeless and nothingy. I feel like someone could walk in my house with a gun to burgle me and id just roll back over and go to sleep. I have nothing inside me but i dont know what to bring up when they call? Focus on the cheating? Loss of partner? The depression?

Thanks x

There hasnt been one day in the past year that i havent sobbed my heart out. Im barely getting dressed most days, skipping baths which is the worst part as i love my evening bubble baths. I got out of bed at 6pm the other day, went toilet and went back go bed. The tablets have stopped me wanting to ram my car into a wall but i feel numb. Drinking in the evenings to cope aswell.

If you literally say what you've just said here, you will have started. It'll all unfold. You don't have to know how to 'do' therapy, your therapist is holding the process.
Good luck OP. It can be truly life-changing when it's good (as well as being very hard of course). I hope you have a good experience of it.

Ok thats reassuring. I hope they can help 🙂 worried about saying too much and they think im crazy or too bad to help

It's completely normal to have those worries, but a good therapist will not think you are 'too crazy'!
It's very much not an instant fix. You have to learn to trust the therapist and your therapist has to learn about you and work out what it is you need and what will actually help you.
When are you starting?

Any by the way I completely splurged my guts out when I started therapy so that's normal too - the 'saying too much' thing.

Then I became a therapist because therapy had been so amazing for me. I still really, really believe in it (retired now).

Just start talking. You don’t have to explain everything all at once. But focus on what you’re struggling with the most. It will all come out. I found it really hard the first time as I’m not a talker. But it got so much easier and now I can talk about it with anyone. It made such a difference. I think sometimes you just need to break the seal and start speaking and getting it all out.

The initial call is next week for me to discuss my difficulties. Not sure how long it will take after to book me in for regular sessions.

My mum is a nurse for the NHS and they have a counselling service that immediate family members can access 6 sessions for free, but from what i know of counselling, its just listening to me? I dont want to wallow and talk about everything and someone says mmhmm, i need tools to overcome my mood and behviours i have fallen into..

Yes, im really not a talker. Nobody even knows im depressed on medication or cry everyday and dont even know that Ive split up from my partner as Im very private and guarded so this is really new to me

Your therapist will have some initial questions. Just be honest, as you've been above, and dont plan to focus on one thing in particular. And then you'll go from there.

I'm just at the end of 18 months of therapy. I basically just sobbed through my initial call and for quite a few sessions afterwards. It's been hard but one of the best things I've ever done though and it was worth every penny. I feel the most peaceful and happy for 30 years.

Sending you lots of luck and good wishes that you can feel that peace too.

This is so nice to hear and makes me feel positive. I hope i can feel some peace one day too.

Can i ask if you went private or NHS?

The therapist will ask you questions that will lead you to saying things. I’m very private too and found the first session with a therapist really nerve wracking but it really helped once I started talking. It depends on the kind of therapy you have but CBT tends to focus on giving you ways of managing your situation. Good luck OP, the right therapist can be life changing.

Bear it mind it might be an initial assessment and not the first actual session, depending on when you were referred. I know you said the affair was a year ago but it wasn’t clear when you saw the GP, MIND have v long waiting lists in most areas.

I’m a therapist and disagree that therapy isn’t something you actively do, it very much is. It’s not passive like going for a massage.

as it’s likely short term they’ll probably ask what your goals are so it’s always good to have a think about that before hand eg to be able to look forward to things again, face the day more easily, take better care of myself.

I went private. I had some free sessions through work a few years ago but it wasn't enough to resolve my issues which stem from childhood bereavement and compound trauma. I sought out a psychodynamic counsellor because I wanted to address the root causes rather than looking for ways to cope with the symptoms.

Luckily I got a promotion and good pay rise just before I hit breaking point so my pay increase has covered the cost.

Yes, pretty sure its my initial assessment..?! I hope the wait isnt too long.

Does the assessment require me to say the above or is it more rating how you feel ( i do those every time i put in for a repeat prescription)

I’ve never worked with MIND but it’ll likely be an overview of how you’re feeling, how long it’s been, when/why it started and what you’d like to change/be different. Headlines rather than getting fully into anything at this point.

I’m having some therapy at the moment. The first ones were pretty much establishing the difficulties I was having.
Tell the therapist everything you’ve put on here, if you want to you could make a list so you don’t forget anything.
I've found it really helpful to have the way I’m feeling validated - it’s to be expected to be finding challenging situations difficult.
I hope your sessions help you OP, life is so fucking hard sometimes!!!

You tell them exactly what you have just told us.. you don't have to blurt it all out in one go.
They are used to listening to everything.. 1st appointment is to get some idea of the best therapy for you going forward. Good luck.

Try not to worry op, a good therapist should a) put you at easy b) ask relevant questions. They won't think anything if you splurge your life story, or conversely you struggle with any dialogue. It's part of their skill set. Sometimes my clients just go into verbal free fall, so I'm busy jotting down salient points to go back too, sometimes I get very short sentences. It's all cool, my job is to find out 1) what they want out of the sessions, the client might not know, and again it's my job to listen to what they are saying and how to move forward; sometimes my clients know exactly what they want, which is also fine. 2) if I can offer the therapy they need.
Everyone is different and it's tailoring therapy to the person, sometimes I can't offer what a client needs and I'm always completely honest, but can point them in the right direction.
It's also completely fine for you to say if you don't feel the therapy being offered is helpful.
Hope it all goes well