Food gifts when entertaining - etiquette?

[RytonTarget]

Two scenarios which have happened recently:

Friend coming for morning coffee. I have bought fresh pastries - she brings a gift of a box of nice biscuits.
Couple for over for supper - I have made a pudding and have plenty of reasonable wine to hand - they bring a pack of Gu hot chocolate pots and a bottle of Prosecco.

Should I be serving their offerings alongside what I have prepped?
Or instead of?
Or just put them away for us to enjoy another time?

I am never sure of the right thing is to do? Please advise!

I don't think it matters. The first scenario I'd have put the pastries out as they're fresh and I'd have asked if she wanted a biscuit.

Prosecco it'd depend if it was pre chilled. If not then I think there's no obligation to open it then and there. Put it in the fridge and if you fancy an after dinner drink then get it out at that point.

I don't know what the "correct" thing to do is but I would

• serve the biscuits alongside the pastries. I wouldn't view these as a gift for the host, more like a contribution to the morning coffee.
• offer the prosecco along with the wine I had.
• keep the gu puddings separate and serve what I'd made.

I’m never sure of the etiquette either, and it doesn’t help that my husband is not British so has different traditions. In general, I try to open sweet offerings, like biscuits, chocolates etc as part of the meal. Things like that tend to be easier though, because they just come out with tea and coffee afterwards. I’d also use the alcohol if possible, although sometimes by the time you have cooled down a white wine or whatever the moment has passed, so I don’t worry too much about it. I certainly wouldn’t be trying to incorporate things like a small random pudding into the meal. , Nor would I expect people to be bringing a complete side dish or dessert unless we specifically agreed it beforehand.

I tend to ask. Sometimes when I bring a food/wine item I saw it as a contribution to the catering and/or I'm quite keen to try it myself! Other times I very much see it as a gift for the host to enjoy later. In fact, I quite often say something to indicate which as I hand it over! Especially in the case of fine wine at a large party which is definitely to be kept separate!

In the cases you mention, I'd probably serve the biscuits (while checking first) and the Prosecco (ditto - "shall we open this"). But then again, maybe not if I had loads of fresh pastries that would go stale....

Bringing the Gu pots is just a bit weird unless you'd agreed in advance that they would bring pudding! I'd probably not serve them, but would still check if that was OK.

I plan what I'm giving people to eat and drink, to make sure it all goes together in a harmonious and delicious way (with leeway and choices to allow for individual tastes and health issues). If they are kind enough to bring something it gets put on one side for another day.

Usually - the friends who came to help me de-Christmas opened the bottle of red wine they brought, and brought a part-drunk bottle of white that one of them had started the previous day, on the assumption that I would, as I often do, choose red. I had already opened a bottle of red while cooking the lunch.

So there I was after they'd left, alone in the house, with three open bottles. The horror.

Actually it was all okay, they were screw-capped and with a bit of help from casserole cooking etc it only took me ten days to empty them.

I would once have been more relaxed about biscuits, but have found that I'm allergic to wheat, so might well have to refuse something I can't risk opening -otoh, if they know me well and bring something gluten-free, that could be fun.

I was a bit surprised by the Gu Pots!
I think maybe it depends what's nicer or fresh - eg fresh pastries over a sealed box of biscuits but if someone bought something really delicious and it trumped my offering then we would eat that.