Sorry if this is post is a bit mixed up it feels complicated to explain i will try my best though.
So ds who's 17. Gave us a really hard time it was absolutely awful and went on for some time. This involved DV from him to me. This was physical , Mind games gas lighting etc etc . I done my best to protect my other children. One older than him. But I also fucked up to. Because I was scared but also trying to protect my other children I let Ds get away with alot. Older DS is now 21 and reminded me that I allowed DS17 to take his TV and other stuff of the smaller kids. I fucked up because I didn't know what to do. And did not want things to turn violent. DS21 tried to stop ds17 a few times and I begged him not to because I think ds was 18 at that point and I was scared he could get into trouble and was also scared he could hurt younger teen ds. At one point I kicked ds out as I could not cope anymore. He ended uo with his adult sister for a month. Social services became involved for a bit and worked with us to get ds home . DS is still hard work but he has got alot better in some ways.
The thing is ds21 hates him . He will tolerate him when he has to. But there's definitely a negative vibe there and ds21 no longer wants to come out as a family if ds17 is going. Dd13 always asks if ds17 is in. Because she does not play her music if he's in the house. I have told her she can. Its not his choice. But she still does not. Ds17 also hates on dd13 .
I'm not sure if this is normal sibling stuff or if its trauma based because of how things were.
Ds17 Was under CAMHS but they recently discharged him.
I contacted DD13 school and asked about counselling. She's on a waiting list .but she has an alternative whilst she waits.
On a positive note ds17 and ds21 were having quite a laugh a couple of days back and ds21 said he enjoyed it.
And dd13 and ds17 were playing xbox together a few days ago .
I just want things to be better between siblings. Maybe the positive might happen more often and things will get better naturally.