I really, really need your help to keep me on my bid for freedom - rental viewing tomorrow - don't want to lose my nerve - its the final chapter in a long sorry saga!

[OhhToHearTheMoonBeamsSing]

As the title says really. After several years of living with a basically decent man, but who has too many demons from his past for me to cope with anymore, I'm on my knees and done with it.

Things have been pretty bad for a while, but the past few weeks have sealed it, so started house hunting. This place tomorrow ticks all my boxes.

I just don't want my 'feeling sorry for him again emotions' kicking in, as I honestly think I've been trauma bonded these past years....it's not the 1st/3rd/ or 7th time I've wanted to leave but now I just want/need to be out.

Go for it and start over by yourself. You are not a rehab service.

Good luck with the viewing, OP. Don't get sucked back in again, it would only delay the inevitable.

You deserve happiness and a wonderful life. Getting out will do that for you.

Here's wishing you the best in your new and peaceful home!!! Please let us know how it turns out.

Just keep thinking how relieved you’ll be when it’s over. That constant horrible feeling in your stomach - that’ll be gone. You’ll feel lighter and able to look forwards.

Oh well done you for putting yourself first. It's hard to do but the right thing.

The world of mumsnet is paved by brilliant women who've mustered the courage to break free and you can now join their ranks 😆

Your new life starts here. Go for it !

Tomorrow you are viewing
your next home. When you're there start thinking how lovely it will be when you put your personal touches in. Manifest.

Enjoy!

The feeling when you're free is priceless! Go for it, whilst listening to I'm Free by the Soup Dragons.

Breathe!

You have come this far. You will do it and you'll be free x

Re-read this thread tomorrow morning. We'll all be there with you!

Tell us about the rental you're going to see tomorrow.

be strong!

You can do this 😊

I think sometimes when the 'feeling sorry for him again' emotions kick in, it's because we're feeling nervous/unsure/frightened about what will happen if we leave and start life ' in the unknown'.

And have I really given it my best shot and done all I can do to make it work?

But the fact that it's not the 1st/3rd/ or 7th time I've wanted to leave but now I just want/need to be out demonstrates that you're on the right path ! These feelings are not going to go away ............ take a deep breath and do it!!

It's the right time! Go for it! 💐

I'm sat here writing a list of questions I need to ask about the place - I've got all the usual ones like utilities, but not sure what else?

My appointment is mid afternoon. The house is rural, a bungalow style but not in a way I've ever seen before - it's quite old too, but very well maintained.

It's ironic that once before, decades ago I broke free from a man who was abusive in every way possible. I built a good life for myself, but then developed a lifelong physical condition that sometimes renders me incapable.
In the beginning life was good with this man for as I said, he's a basically decent man. However, he cannot cope with what life has thrown at him, and I now cannot cope with holding him up anymore.

Thank you all so much for your support. I can't believe I'm doing this - HAVING to do this - but then I'm good at making lemonade!

You are so strong

Keep reminding yourself that you can do this

Sending lots of good wishes xxxxxxxxx

@OhhToHearTheMoonBeamsSing I think that once you view the property, you'll know if it feels right :)

also think about:
Do you need to be near neighbours?
Do you need to be near shops/ a local shop / amenities?
Ask about the age of the boiler (and servicing record) / central heating / average heating costs / broadband speed (if that's important) / note the condition of double glazing / damp proofing if applicable / how old the electrics are / what kitchen goods are included

......... any redecoration is cosmetic

But if you're going to view, it sounds like it's close to what you're looking for - and I hope you hear the moonbeams sing! 😊

Let us know how you get on!

Have a look at the Government's How to Rent Guide.

Also check out Shelter.

Ask about gas and electricity safety certificates and how the deposit will be protected.

Also terms and length of lease, and whether the landlord insists on a break clause.

Someone posted recently in anther thread to change his name in your phone to Scrawny Dick or something. Anything to keep you from feeling sympathy for him but rather to maintain your reasons for leaving.

So, every time he tries to get in contact, you see the new name and get the feelings associated with it.

I’m assuming here that cutting contact for a while won’t be feasible.

Scrawny dick😂

Good luck op - you sound really strong and resolute - you’ve got this.

a potentially helpful mantra, "I matter" and/or "I choose myself" - stay strong! Good luck!

I won't be changing his name to anything derogatory, he doesn't deserve that.
I'm leaving because due to illness, he has changed so much. I've been patient and supportive to the point I no longer feel myself to be the same person I was when we met, to the point it's affecting my wellbeing.

@MintyYoghurt I've got it playing now!

How did it go, OP? I hope that you've found your new home.

As someone who left something similar in January. I love him but it's just not enough anymore.
Do it. The relief and joy I have felt outweighs everything bad. I get to choose my mood every day. I don't plan my time around anyone(bar the children) it's hard but worth every second

It's a lovely house in a lovely setting, but I can't take it. It's advertised as having central heating which I took to be gas. It's actually oil fired though, and as I have asthma and am triggered by this, its a definite no-go. I could have cried!

Oh, damn!!! But remember, when a door closes a window opens. You'll find your new home. Deep breath, keep looking.