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how many missing people do you know of in real life?

417 replies

notnowmarmaduke · 03/04/2024 19:56

Just wondered - we are always saying how common it is, but how many of us know many missing people? Of course you might be closely associated with a missing person and not know it, as people don't necessarily talk about it, or might just not know themselves.

I have only known two people reported as missing, long term. one friends father, who was the classic went out for a pint of milk and was never seen again. ( 30+ years now). One runaway teen never found (15+ years)

Apart from that I have known a few runaway teens who were found, and two people reported as missing who I know went into witness protection

Also, have you ever been reported missing?

OP posts:
Hartley99 · 04/04/2024 20:33

We forget what life was like before CCTV and DNA testing. Even as late as the 1980s people must have disappeared without a trace, especially in big cities. Think how easy it would be to murder a random woman or child, then bury the body or throw it in a river. Awful. I’m sure it happened all the time - especially to vulnerable teens who’d been in care or run away from abusive homes.

TheFireflies · 04/04/2024 20:43

Dachshundlass89 · 04/04/2024 20:08

Not known anyone who has officially gone missing and never found, but where I live some different silly cow of a teenage girl seems to go missing every week, always found "safe and well" aka hiding at a mate's house hours to a day or so later, done deliberately for attention because mum wouldn't give them money for vapes, took the phone off them, turned off the WiFi or whatever shite and they threw a wobbly. Pathetic.

Edited

I knew a teen girl who went missing who on the face of it you might’ve thought was an “attention seeking silly cow” but the reality was she had a very abusive mother and she was trying to escape.

I know one who has not been found - my ex’s best friend who was hiking in Nepal so no real mystery about what happened to him, sadly.

Lifeomars · 04/04/2024 21:52

Agentdanascullyx · 04/04/2024 17:52

After I was raped, I had a complete mental breakdown went to a hotel took a massive overdose. I remember turning on my phone and getting a text to say I was now officially classed as a missing person. Thankfully I got better

I am so sorry to read that, very much hope that life is calmer and happier for you now

VelvetDragonfly · 04/04/2024 22:23

How do you do it if you go missing?
I find it fascinating, especially the go out for a pint of milk and never come back thing.

So, you leave, leave your job, but how do you set up in a new town without anyone knowing? Even assuming money is no issue, you just rock up to a new town, stay in a hotel and rent a new flat, then apply for a new job? Get a new phone and just make all new friends?

Yes it is basically this.

It would obviously be easy for the police to find you if you've used a card from a bank account in your name, got a flat to yourself so there's no escaping being on the electoral roll, or got a legitimate job involving giving them your national insurance number to be paid. If you're an adult though, the police can't tell your family where you are if you don't want them to.

It's not so difficult to not have social media. Easy enough to save up cash if you don't want to be traced through your bank account. If you live somewhere your "landlord" is illegally subletting the property or you're renting a room in a house-share, it's easy enough to not be on any official records there. Some industries it's still possible to get cash-in-hand jobs and this used to be even easier in the past, so no employee/tax records. PAYG phones and their SIMs don't need to be registered, you can pay the monthly fee with a voucher that you can purchase for cash in most convenience stores and supermarkets, and you're good to go. Making new friends is easy if you're the chatty sort and not too picky who your friends are or the kind of person who has lots of acquaintances you hang out with but no real friends, not everyone is going to pry into your background and history.

Even getting a legitimate job and flat is easy to do without family or friends knowing, you can apply for jobs and go through the entire hiriy process without telling anyone, rent flats without a guarantor if you've sufficient income, perhaps taking a day trip somewhere to do so and not telling anyone about it.

I've never disappeared in this way but I have moved around a lot and distancing yourself from someone you'd rather not be in contact with any more is as easy as not telling them or those who knows them what you're doing or where you're going, then changing your phone number and not giving it to them. If they only contact you sporadically anyway it'll be ages before they realise your phone number no longer belongs to you. If they're on your social media you can block them easily. In my case I'm generally taking the opportunity of a move to get rid of anyone who drags me down with negativity or who I find to be a toxic personality, rather than moving specifically to get away from them, but the end result is the same.

It depends on the sort of life you lead really. My family don't know who my friends are and vice versa, it's not a secret it's just why would they? I'm not close with family, even when I was young and lived with them. My friends come from wherever we've met and often don't know each other, I'm not the kind to host massive meet-ups of everyone I know. If perhaps you live in a small town and everyone in your life overlaps, then you're maybe looking at having to go no-contact with them all to achieve it with one of them.

cbuew9 · 04/04/2024 23:40

Agentdanascullyx · 04/04/2024 17:52

After I was raped, I had a complete mental breakdown went to a hotel took a massive overdose. I remember turning on my phone and getting a text to say I was now officially classed as a missing person. Thankfully I got better

I hope you are in a better place now, i'm so sorry 😞

FeetupTvon · 05/04/2024 08:24

AngryLikeHades · 03/04/2024 23:38

I would probably be thought of as missing by my family but I upped and went with advice from women's aid because I was repeatedly sexually abused as a child and older by one of my parents whilst the other did nothing. I'm in my 30s and they scarred me for life.
Judging by their actions, they can not comprehend why I would do such a thing.

So, so sorry to hear this.
You are a strong person and did the right thing.
I hope life is treating you well.

GoingJacobsandRitz · 05/04/2024 09:16

1 and I think they've been mentioned on this thread. The similarities are too great.

NoFaceNoName · 05/04/2024 10:48

Dachshundlass89 · 04/04/2024 20:08

Not known anyone who has officially gone missing and never found, but where I live some different silly cow of a teenage girl seems to go missing every week, always found "safe and well" aka hiding at a mate's house hours to a day or so later, done deliberately for attention because mum wouldn't give them money for vapes, took the phone off them, turned off the WiFi or whatever shite and they threw a wobbly. Pathetic.

Edited

This is a common reaction to teens going missing and it makes me so sad. I work with teens, and the reasons some of them run away from home and try to hide out in a friends house are so much more serious than vapes and WiFi but everyone likes to think that kids have no problems and are being attention seekers.

OrangeAndFizz · 05/04/2024 14:15

The wife of a neighbour disappeared 40-odd years ago in the middle of the day.

She seems to have decamped in a hurry as she left the front door open. The twin tub washing machine was running, and her daughter of about 3 wandered into the street and was run over, suffering a broken leg.

No trace of the wife was found so the man eventually acquired a housekeeper whom he eventually married.

The story I heard from the daughter is that her mother was discovered to have run off with a soldier.

This never rang true with me. Surely she'd have arranged things better and certainly not left her child in danger.

PossumintheHouse · 05/04/2024 14:25

OrangeAndFizz · 05/04/2024 14:15

The wife of a neighbour disappeared 40-odd years ago in the middle of the day.

She seems to have decamped in a hurry as she left the front door open. The twin tub washing machine was running, and her daughter of about 3 wandered into the street and was run over, suffering a broken leg.

No trace of the wife was found so the man eventually acquired a housekeeper whom he eventually married.

The story I heard from the daughter is that her mother was discovered to have run off with a soldier.

This never rang true with me. Surely she'd have arranged things better and certainly not left her child in danger.

I've probably watched too many crime dramas, but that seems well suss. I wonder if the husband knew the "housekeeper" before he hired her.

Disturbia81 · 05/04/2024 14:30

OrangeAndFizz · 05/04/2024 14:15

The wife of a neighbour disappeared 40-odd years ago in the middle of the day.

She seems to have decamped in a hurry as she left the front door open. The twin tub washing machine was running, and her daughter of about 3 wandered into the street and was run over, suffering a broken leg.

No trace of the wife was found so the man eventually acquired a housekeeper whom he eventually married.

The story I heard from the daughter is that her mother was discovered to have run off with a soldier.

This never rang true with me. Surely she'd have arranged things better and certainly not left her child in danger.

Hmm I can see that getting picked up by Netflix, what a mystery. Though if she was running away without her daughter, leaving her in danger wouldn't be out of the realms of possibility

Frith2013 · 05/04/2024 14:32

None, now.

Pliudev · 05/04/2024 18:30

My DH. He owned an art gallery and it attracted a number of eccentrics who would call in for a daily chat. One of them was a difficult man who had been banned from many businesses in the town but my DH felt sorry for him. We were going on a cruise (he was lecturing) at the weekend, so I took him for a hair cut in a neighbouring town and to buy new socks. Afterwards, I dropped him off and drove home. He was probably about an hour late opening the gallery but didn’t keep regular opening hours. When I got home, the phone was ringing but before I could answer it, I saw a policeman at the door. He asked my name and told me very seriously that he was sorry to tell me my DH had been reported as missing and 'vulnerable' (by said eccentric) because he had not arrived at work. I told the PC that was because I'd taken him for a haircut. He was obviously relieved and so was our daughter who had been called out of a work meeting and told her DF was missing by said eccentric who was obviously in need of a bit of excitement that morning.
And DH still let him hang about his gallery.

GorgeousPizza · 05/04/2024 18:55

One. When I was a teenager. They were found murdered, it was awful. Still haunts me to this day. Very well known televised case too. Never leaves me.

123Valentina123 · 05/04/2024 18:58

1 very vulnerable autistic girl. Police located her.

Rhaenys · 05/04/2024 19:06

Only ever known one. He was found sadly deceased a few months later.

Beezknees · 05/04/2024 19:22

I've never personally known anyone who has gone missing.

Rhdlj · 05/04/2024 19:24

I know two people who work in Mountain Rescue and the majority of their work seems to be trying to find missing people / body recovery which is very sad.

A man I new at work went missing and it was terrible as we knew he was likely in emotional turmoil as something very significant had happened in his life, and we all thought he may well have killed himself, and it turned out he had. Tragic.

TheEternalForever · 05/04/2024 20:00

2

One was a uni friend who just dropped off the fact of the earth from all her family and friends. Never knew where she went or what happened to her. I occasionally think about her still, I always hope she's okay

Other one was a schoolfriend's older brother. Mum went into his room to wake him up on his 18th birthday and he'd just vanished, wardrobe empty, all his stuff gone. His family would always say they never understood why he'd do that, but I know from my friend that it wasn't a very happy home for him. They lived in a tiny town, very insular, homophobic, judgey etc. His parents always seemed much harsher on him than my friend. About a year after he'd gone I was on a school trip to London and saw him walking down the street, holding hands with a nice looking guy. I was only 13ish, I remember thinking I hadn't really seen him smiling or laughing like that before whenever I'd been round my friend's house. I never told them, which might have been wrong on my part but just seemed like the right thing to do

Poshladyjane · 05/04/2024 20:11

Only ever knew one. Missing for a long time. No leads. Just vanished.

diamondpony80 · 05/04/2024 20:25

I only personally know 2 people who were missing - one was a relative of DH's and one a relative of mine. Both were found dead later (suicide). A woman in my town was also missing for the last few weeks and her body was found in the river yesterday.

LittleLilacs14 · 05/04/2024 20:34

My husband.

10 years ago when I was 25, my husband whom I had been with since we were 15, just disappeared. He started work each day super early and one morning he didn't arrive at the site.

There was police involvement etc but the police arrived to the conclusion that he had left of his own free will.

His family and I were adamant that he would never leave me and our then nearly 3 year old daughter, we had an amazing relationship, he was the most beautiful man I have ever known.

I had to put up with lots of gossip and innuendo despite there being no evidence or proof but in my heart I never believed that he left.

2 years ago his remains were found. He had been murdered.

No one has been arrested for it and there is no leads.

NooNoo1979 · 05/04/2024 20:45

notnowmarmaduke · 03/04/2024 19:56

Just wondered - we are always saying how common it is, but how many of us know many missing people? Of course you might be closely associated with a missing person and not know it, as people don't necessarily talk about it, or might just not know themselves.

I have only known two people reported as missing, long term. one friends father, who was the classic went out for a pint of milk and was never seen again. ( 30+ years now). One runaway teen never found (15+ years)

Apart from that I have known a few runaway teens who were found, and two people reported as missing who I know went into witness protection

Also, have you ever been reported missing?

I love this thread!! Very intriguing 🤔

AComboOfSocksandNeverEnoughPants · 05/04/2024 20:50

LittleLilacs14 · 05/04/2024 20:34

My husband.

10 years ago when I was 25, my husband whom I had been with since we were 15, just disappeared. He started work each day super early and one morning he didn't arrive at the site.

There was police involvement etc but the police arrived to the conclusion that he had left of his own free will.

His family and I were adamant that he would never leave me and our then nearly 3 year old daughter, we had an amazing relationship, he was the most beautiful man I have ever known.

I had to put up with lots of gossip and innuendo despite there being no evidence or proof but in my heart I never believed that he left.

2 years ago his remains were found. He had been murdered.

No one has been arrested for it and there is no leads.

Oh my word. What a difficult thing to have had to live through.

I hope you and your daughter are doing well.

LakeTiticaca · 05/04/2024 21:21

OrangeAndFizz · 05/04/2024 14:15

The wife of a neighbour disappeared 40-odd years ago in the middle of the day.

She seems to have decamped in a hurry as she left the front door open. The twin tub washing machine was running, and her daughter of about 3 wandered into the street and was run over, suffering a broken leg.

No trace of the wife was found so the man eventually acquired a housekeeper whom he eventually married.

The story I heard from the daughter is that her mother was discovered to have run off with a soldier.

This never rang true with me. Surely she'd have arranged things better and certainly not left her child in danger.

Sounds more like she was abducted to me. Did the police investigate her disappearance?