"Don't make a fuss!"

[Nonentitynumpty]

Without going TAAT. but with reference to any CF stories, selfish bill-splitters in restaurants and so on.

I suggest the reason they get away with it is, that dreadful catch-all phrase that English people are so used to trotting out - from my experience, not least my parents and family.

We are told "don't make a fuss," as soon as anything is queried, eg, someone suggests splitting the bill and one lone person who wishes to pay just for their meagre part of the meal is then exhorted - usually by their partner - to smile, cough up and let it go.

I wish I could ban this bloody phrase from the English language.

I was told 'not to make a fuss' about a DR who assaulted me but I made a huge fuss and there are now over 200 recorded complaints and he is being investigated.
"don't make a fuss" and " no one is interested in you" were my mothers silencers and fuck that, seriously.

Generally, I am mostly of the view that we should just crack on with stuff, but I do agree with you in that all too often people are ready to exploit my (mostly) good nature because they can’t be bothered to make an effort. In such situations, I too get fed up of the ‘don’t make a fuss’ attitude.

Oh @User1979289 thanks for reminding me that there is often a dark side of this too. I'm sorry that this happened to you but so glad you did step up and make a fuss and hopefully bring that perpetrator to justice.

It's the people who speak up, like you, that will make it easier for everyone else.

You’re right OP. This is the upbringing we should be challenging.

Beside “don’t make a fuss” there’s also “you know what he/she’s like” and ”be a good girl/boy”. Pretty sure there’s plenty of other ones.

All designed to make people to put up and shut up. As a result we have all these polite people who are afraid of confrontation and second guess themselves because they were trained to accept that the other people’s entitled attitudes take priority over their disadvantage.

It depressing how many threads are started by people who are being trampled all over, quite often by people who should nurture and cherish them- closest relatives and friends.

Sadly it takes some time to realise that somebody takes absolute piss and advantage, it’s also hard to stand up to these people if we were conditioned to not to make a fuss.

Just thinking about so many posters on here have problems with their MILs - enabled by the posters' spineless husbands. So easy to be bullied because, "don't want to make a fuss."

How can we unlearn this ghastly trait and feel more comfortable to stand up for ourselves? One thing that may help is to develop some coping strategies. Eg, at a restaurant with a large group, I will ask the server before I order for an individual bill - I've never had anybody grumble about being asked.

Don't make a fuss. Response: I have every intention of making a fuss. A big one.

You know what he/she is like. Response: Yes, I know exactly what he/she is like. Therein lies the problem.

Oh my god yes!!!

This is spades: "It depressing how many threads are started by people who are being trampled all over, quite often by people who should nurture and cherish them- closest relatives and friends"

Definitely it's either kowtowed mummy's boys or to shoosh women.

How about this old trope

you shouldnt talk about that..what will people think.

HATE it

Sometimes a fuss needs to be made.
If you don't stand for something you'll fall everything
Unknown (by me) quote

My DH was raised not to make a fuss. He visibly cringes when he knows I'm about to.

My dad raised me to think critically and if something isn't right, to address it appropriately. I always do. I think it's a learnt skill that isn't often taught.

Yes, "you know what they're like" is always a good one to lob in, to shut someone up.

@katebushh as you say, this site is awash with threads from posters blatantly being taking advantage of but are too timid to stand up for themselves.

So why does it seem to be all or nothing?

Either you're one of those being trampled all over, or -
You're an egotistical, selfish, person with low or zero empathy.