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Original poster

Would you leave 11 year old at home with friend?

15 replies

MoreSchmores · 03/04/2024 16:30

Hi,

I have a friend who told me she did this recently and I was quite shocked.

I think it was for a couple of hours, so not all day, but the other dc was supposed to be in her care, no? It sounds like this was the first time this dc had been to the house.

I'm sure it's quite common for people to leave their 11 year olds home alone occasionally, but if my dc went to a friends house at that age, I'd expect an adult to be in the house.

What does anyone else think?

OP posts:

FrenchandSaunders · 03/04/2024 16:32

Quite normal at secondary school.

Original poster

MoreSchmores · 03/04/2024 16:45

@FrenchandSaunders it's not something I would have done when my dc were that age, but perhaps I'm in the minority. A quick nip to the shops perhaps, but not hours.

OP posts:

audweb · 03/04/2024 16:46

Yeah a couple of hours fine. My 11 year is about to be in secondary, and could trust her and a friend for that long. She has a phone and could contact me if needed. They go out to play for hours after school so I can’t see why leaving her at home with a friend would be too much.

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Pigeonqueen · 03/04/2024 16:49

I wouldn’t be happy with this if it was for a couple of hours. I think that’s too long - they tend to get over excited and more daring the longer they tend to be left on their own I think. For a quick nip to Tesco down the road or whatever I think that’s fine. 11 is still quite young really. But then I’m quite an overprotective parent compared to a lot of people. I’ve never really allowed mine (now adult and teens) to play out etc. I’ve always taken them to and from peoples houses etc until they got to mid teens.

Abelle1 · 03/04/2024 16:49

Honestly, I'm not really comfortable with the idea of leaving my kid with another 11-year-old. I mean, they're still pretty young and might not have the experience or maturity to handle certain situations. I'd much rather have a responsible adult around for that extra peace of mind.

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/04/2024 17:05

My DS was the friend in this situation, I know his friends mum very well and we talked about it beforehand. Both very sensible boys well able to be left alone for an hour. I wouldn’t have been happy if she had left them without me knowing but we both put plans in place in case they needed support.

shepherdsangeldelight · 03/04/2024 17:08

I would be ok with this but would probably check with the other child's parent first.
IME it's around age 10-13 that the parents vary a lot in the independence they allow their children.

Caffeineneedednow · 03/04/2024 17:11

I did it with DSS friend a few weeks ago. Needed to go to the shops so left the older kids in the house ( took younger ones with me). Both 11 at the time but DSS in secondary and his friend end of primary. In our case the 2 kids spend a lot of time in each others houses. I also asked his mum and she said not a problem they leave him alone for short stints in similar circumstances.

UndecidedAboutEverything · 03/04/2024 17:12

Yeah I’d let the other dc parent know in advance. We used to roam the entire neighbourhood for hours at that age and younger. We are far too precious, our kids aren’t lunatics!

reluctantbrit · 03/04/2024 17:14

DD was just 11 when she started secondary, no more holiday clubs and what can you do if you don't WFH and you only have 5 weeks annual leave?

If you work with them from a younger age onwards, trust both children and make clear to the other child's parent what is happening then it can work well.

smellpretty · 03/04/2024 17:18

Couple of hours in the daytime would be fine with me but I would always check that the other parent is ok with it.

Littlebitpsycho · 03/04/2024 17:26

I would (and have) done this, but both kids were used to being left at home alone for a few hours, and I checked with the other parent whether they were happy.

They have to gain some independence at some point, and I'd rather have them at home together, than out alone together

Original poster

MoreSchmores · 03/04/2024 17:28

As others are saying, my issue is more with the fact that the mum hadn't been told.

OP posts:

NoClueNoDough · 03/04/2024 17:29

Depends on the friend! I'd leave DD(11) alone that long, I'd leave DD and Ds alone that long. I'd leave Dd and best friend alone (and clear it with mum first, but we've done this a couple of times over the last couple of years now).

I wouldn't with anyone else and I was v. pissed off when DD went to a friend's and there was no adult there and I wasn't told in advance.

Capmagturk · 03/04/2024 17:30

I'd leave my son but unless I knew the other child really well I wouldn't leave them together. My sons more mature and sensible than his older siblings were at his age and I can trust him alone not to muck around, (having said that he's not been left alone that long yet) but unless I explicitly knew that of his friend and had the other parents agreement I wouldn't do it.

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