What would you do if you were me?

[pinkbracelet]

TW - miscarriage

Name changed, but interested to know what others would do in my situation as my mind is in overdrive.

39, one child 5yo. Had a horrendously traumatic birth. 2 miscarriages before she was born, 4 since.

The window for having another baby is running out (if still even open). I really wanted another baby but time keeps ticking on.

Right now, daughter is doing great. We are finally getting into a good position financially, work is going well, and have my issues with anxiety/ low mood mostly under control.

As much as I would love another baby, I'm aware this would be a massive upheaval. Back to paying full nursery fees, no family help around. The risk of something going wrong with the pregnancy or being wrong with the baby, all the risks are higher given my age and history. My heart wants a baby, my head says it's such a risk.

What would you do if you were me?

Count my blessings and stick with one.
Be sad for a little while about the lost babies but think how good your life is now.
Don’t give that up chasing a dream when your life is settled now.

Thank you @Fairyliz x

I would try to be grateful for what I have and move on in a positive way.

Edit. And sorry for your losses. X

One of the things I feel most guilty about is that my daughter keeps saying she wants to be a big sister 😞. Obviously she doesn't understand the difference between having a baby to play with (like with her little cousins) and sharing her parents/ house/ time with a sibling. But I still feel bad about it.

I agree with pp. After everything you’ve been through, be grateful for the lovely child you do have. Your child will be able to have the best you have to give, and won’t have to go through any sibling rivalry. I can understand your desire for more, as I would have liked more than I have, but I reassure myself with the fact I like the family dynamics as they are, another child would have changed all of that.

I'd try to become okay with the reality of just having one child but I'd keep trying just in case it did happen. It doesn't have to be black or white situation, you can remain hopeful whilst being okay with whatever the outcome 😊

I would keep trying/get any help available.

My son had a friend years ago.
This beautiful woman had had such an horrendous time , like yourself, and in the end she just had this one son.
But she was so happy- in the end - focus on your child now.
Sorry for your losses.

My DD used to say this. Now, at 13, she's a very happy only. She says with horror, "I realise it could have been a boy like the annoying boys in my school".

Sorry for your losses. I would move on.

Thanks everyone

@MrsTerryPratchett that's put my mind at ease a bit in that aspect, thank you

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. I'm an only child and would constantly ask for a sibling - not knowing that my parents TTC for 7 years after I was born with multiple miscarriages. My parents did an incredible job of forming a 'village' around me of cousins and their friends children, so I was never lonely, and I don't even worry about them ageing and being alone in it as I know I have people to be there for me. I've never been lonely, and never ached for a sibling (despite asking for one as a child!) - in fact, I loved it!

I couldn't possibly tell you what to do. The pull for a child is personal and only you can know when you are ready to decide you are ready to draw a line under it, but know that being an only child is not a terrible thing.