Ashamed of myself

[hangxiety]

I just need to off-load the major embarrassment I am feeling right now. I am having the worst hangover of my life right now. I went out on Saturday night drinking with my friends. I am 35 years old & have 2 year old twins so it doesn't happen too often.

Well didn't I get absolutely smashed. I can't even remember getting home. But I do know I had to call my DH to come & get me at 1am, he had to lift my 2 children out of bed. I lost my friends & was staggering about the city by myself. I keep having flashbacks of cars blaring their horns at me. I am absolutely mortified & I don't know how I got this way.

My DH thinks something has happened with someone as I haven't been myself since. He's giving me major silent treatment. Apparently when he was asking me when on the phone if I was alone & I wouldn't answer him. So obviously he's thinking the worst. I know I would never cheat on him so I just feel sick with worry. Safe to say I'm never drinking again. Tell me I will get over this & how to deal with my DH. I know I've been so stupid.

I would be absolutely fuming at having to lift two young toddlers out of bed at 1am to come and collect a grown adult who then vomited in my car.

I am not trying to stick the boot in OP but maybe that's why he's giving you the cold shoulder?! I think you do need to apologise, sincerely.

I am wondering though about the "lost time" from separating from your friends - there wasn't actually a 1am on Saturday as the clocks went forward at 12.59am so depending on what time the last bus was will depend on how much lost time there was. And maybe if DH is forgetting that and, say if the last bus is 12.30am, he would be thinking you had 1.5 hours on "your own" (til 2am) and not say 30 mins.

Alright then, MOST of us have been there. I don't personally know anyone who hasn't got drunk and done something silly at one point in life.

Your post wasn't particularly helpful, just an attempt to make OP feel worse.

such a good point from this poster about the clocks going back and the "lost time"!

Could you have been spiked OP?

@LadyKenya

It's great for you that you haven't been there. Thanks for letting us know. How do you think that doing that was helpful to OP?

@hangxiety many, many good, decent humans have been in your situation. LadyKenya hasn't, along with some others, but many have, and would sympathise with you.

@x2boys

He's not a little annoyed though, is he? He's not speaking to her and thinks she lied and possibly cheated. Are you saying that 'major silent treatment' is a good way of dealing with this situation? Or that 'major silent treatment' isn't abusive? Read up. OP made a mistake and is being punished. In a reverse, I'd be saying the same thing. Do you really think MN would be advising giving him 'major silent treatment'?

I've never seen one that said 'My husband got drunk as a one off the other night' that got lots of 'LTB' responses.

You're right, MN can be hypocritical, but how does that help OP?

Tbh it does sound like your drink might have been spiked. Did it hit you very suddenly? You must have been in an ok state when you left if your friends thought you were ok to get the bus.

I have been this drunk once. I was 30 and had an 18 month old.

it turned out that I was pregnant with their little brother. I had absolute no idea that I was pregnant - we’d planned for a much bigger gap!

It doesn't I was just pointing out he has a right to be a bit annoyed about the situation again I'm.not condemning the Op.i have been there done that myself just pointing out the responses would be different if it was a man it always is .

Very good point and could account for some confusion and disorientation even without alcohol being involved.

Did you seem OK to your friends when you went for the bus?

A few years ago I went on a wirks night out to an award ceremony thing for charity. I woke up wrapped in a sheet in just pants, in a strange place. A colleague (and good friend), fully dressed on a sofa.

I had left everyone to go and get some autographs from celebrities presenting awards, perfectly fine. I came back about 15 minutes later barely able to stand, almost incomprehensible. He took me back to his hotel room, he did not know where I was staying.

He said I took my clothes off and threw them everywhere then collapsed on the bed, so he wrapped me up because he didn't want me lying there undressed.

I was mortified. I had no recollection of anything at all. I had my period and had had a tampon in for nearly 15 hours 🤮

I have never, ever gone off on my own again.

Don’t worry op - the last time I got extremely drunk I ended up snogging a guy (I’m married).

Unfortunately I also gave him my number, he contacted me and we ended up having an affair!

My life is pretty shit atm mainly due to my horrible abusive marriage but certainly not helped by what happened - now every awful thing dh has done to me over 20 years doesn’t matter because I had a 3 month fling so I guess it couldve been worse for you!

Your dh will get over it and btw - my dh would never have come and rescued me like that, he wouldn’t have even answered his phone so I guess you have a good’un there.

to be fair to your husband, id be pretty annoyed at this too, especially vomiting in the car in front of your kids

I haven't been there either but that doesn't help OP now. OP, it might not be too late to get a test done to check if you had a spiked drink. I can understand your DH being a bit grumpy about having to drag kids out of bed to go get you, and having to clean up the car, but not ongoing. The shame will pass. Meanwhile, I think you need to consider when you go out with friends, making sure the friend group sticks together to make sure everyone stays safe.

I don't even have DC to think about, but if DH rang me in an incoherent state in the middle of the night and then threw up all over my car, I would not be impressed.

Dealing with that on top of two disorientated and sleep-deprived toddlers and I'm not surprised he's pissed off, tbh.

I don't think spiking is the case here, it's quite common that alcohol hits you all of a sudden and you can go from feeling okay to suddenly being out of it especially if you've just gone outside in the cold air. And op admits to drinking a lot. I think it will just take a couple of days but all you can do is apologise and make sure it doesn't happen again

No, that is not the case. I think it's best to talk for yourself. I have not judged the OP. I have no desire to add to her distress. Nowhere in my post have I done so. You may not have found it helpful, but don't accuse me of trying to make the OP feel bad.

I had a similar night about 3 years ago - out with colleagues that I didn’t know very well. Drank moderately. Left the pub to get the bus home and then couldn’t find my way ( despite being in an area I knew well). I remember trying to ask a bus driver which way the bus was going and he couldn’t understand what I was saying so I must have been incoherent. Felt completely lost and disoriented. I also lost an hour or two. Rang my partner- we don’t have a car. He asked me to find a street sign ( as I had no clue where I was - had wandered quite far). He then hopped in a cab to get me, got me home safe, made me food , put me to bed with a pint glass of water and a basin. He is utterly convinced I was spiked as am I now. No silent treatment. Just concern

It really does sound like you were spiked- if you were in that mess in the bar I hope your friends wouldn’t have just sent you off to catch a bus!

I’d imagine this is why he’s in a mood, tbh.

Sleep it off, then when you’re fully recovered, do something really nice for him to make up for what happened.

Your husband is very justifiably pissed off at you- you just need to give him time. Keep apologising, maybe pay for a takeaway or a round of golf or something for him (I don't know what men enjoy 😂).

Your post was very sanctimonious and I'm not sure what you thought it added .

Most of us have been there at some point. It will pass! The initial hungover paranoia is the worst but give it a few days and you’ll be grand. Apologize to Dh and leave it at that.
I was completely mortified a couple of weeks ago when I realised I’d been drunkenly flirting with my son’s very handsome 21 year old friend. I came home and he was here with ds watching the darts and I started having flashbacks of Paddy’s night in the pub. 😳🤦🏻‍♀️
Praying he doesn’t remember!

I Think most of us have the shame the next day after something like this I've been their and felt mortified after the way I acted that night I find if I drink to much it hits me moral of the story I now try not to over drink 🤦‍♀️