Playing with fire?

[Happyboom]

I have a friendship group, mostly people I know through a hobby. The group is large and fairly fluid, people come and go and not everyone comes out with us regularly, but there's a core of 6/8 people who attend most things. We mostly do our hobby, have nights out dancing or go for a meal, and a weekend away 3-4 times a year.

It's very easy going, we often drink quite a bit, but no one gets unnecessary, no one falls out, we all rub along in a relaxed manner. Ages mid 40s - early 60s, men and women, some married couples, some single and a couple of people who are married but who's partners don't generally come out with us, by choice, they are always invited.

I'm single and get on pretty well with one of the men who's wife doesn't come. Somehow we often seem to end up as a pair for seating arrangements/lift shares etc. I'm sure neither of us designed that. I like him, but I wouldn't say we're especially close, I couldn't tell you anything about his emotional state or his relationship.

I do like and trust him and feel very comfortable in his company. I feel he's one of life's good guys and have never seen him do anything inappropriate with anyone when his wife hasn't been there.

Just recently this sometimes feels a bit too comfortable. E.g there'll be a bit of touching when making a point - neither of us normally very tactile.

I'm proably over thinking, but there's a part of me wondering if this is the start of a slippery slope, especially as there's often alcohol involved when we meet up. I really do not want to get involved in anything I shouldn't - that way misery lies.

We've never done anthring just the two of us, but there's an occasion coming up when there's an event relating to a more niche branch of the hobby that not everyone is interested in and falls on date when some of the regulars can't make it, so it could end up being just the two of us, which I guess is what's set me thinking.

He's a nice man, we get on and he's not unattractive but I can genuinely say I've ever considered him like that, he's one of those people you meet who are unavailable so don't make it onto your radar iyswim

Do you have feelings for him? If so then I would remove yourself from his company a little in order to protect yourself.

No I don't have feelings for him and (until today!) barely think of him when we're not together. We don't ever message each other outside of the group etc.

I do feel very comfortable with him when we are together though and usually I'm a bit socially awkward.

Oh dear. You need to take a whopper of a step back from this one. People are starting to think of you as a pair, and it won't be long before they start wondering whether you are an item. And you really don't want rumours like that flying about.

You also need to make sure you drink no alcohol at all at these events. None.

You don't need to be touching friends when making a point, I don't do it with my friends, you're choosing to touch each other and that's just leading into a slippery slope. I do wonder what his wife would feel about this if she knew. I would step back a bit tbh. Not many people seek affairs, they normally start off innocent enough and gradually cross boundaries.

I know, I've just had a flick through some photos from the last year or so and if you didn't know any of us in the group, you probably would assume we're a couple. Almost always together for the pics.

I don't think our group see us as a pair, it's just that's how the numbers often work out, and they know nothing off ever happens, but it probably does look like that from outside.

I know and like his wife a lot. I have actually tried a number of times to persuade her to join us, but she's determined not to, saysbshe enjoys thenpeace while hes off with us. He is actually quite aware when he's been out without her "too much" and will decline events, then she'll persuade him to come.

It does sometimes seem a bit odd, but she seems comfortable with the arrangement.

In a nutshell I'd say yes, if you're having these kind of thoughts then you probably are in dangerous territory... Touching each other unnecessarily is not great is it. I'm probably biased and a bit touchy on this subject though as I was cheated on and it was without doubt the most horrible pain I've ever had to cope with. Worse than the various abuse in my marriage, worse than grief in some ways... Please don't go there. You know you're on dodgy ground so step away I'd say, for everyone's sake.

Doesn't sound like he's one of the good guys if he's very tactile and happy to be indulging in this situation.

My view is you need to dial it back - you look like a couple because you are always together and you touch each other unnecessarily.

It's not that tactile, it's just different to how it was when we weren't so comfortable, hand on an arm or a shoulder once in a while. The kind of thing that's an everyday interaction for lots of people.

I don't know that there is a situation for him to "indulge" in

You said this in the OP Just recently this sometimes feels a bit too comfortable. E.g there'll be a bit of touching when making a point - neither of us normally very tactile.

You are touching each other to an extent you have noticed as you are not normally tactile.

You are now trying to convince yourself it isn't a big deal.

Maybe try to imagine you were not single for one minute and that this scenario was playing out, unbeknownst to you, between your husband and a single female at their "hobby group".

Would you be happy about it?

As things stand, I'd be fine. There's been no emotional or sexual connection and I'm questioning whether things are OK or not. What is there to object to?