I’ve had a friend for about 6 years, we both met when we moved to a new city. Our relationship has always been that we meet for dinner every couple of months for a big catch up about everything. We both have DP, we’re obviously not each others ‘best friend’ but I considered her a good friend.
She got engaged 18 months ago, so our dinner conversations since have been about her wedding plans - dresses, venues, food, everything. She has booked the wedding for this year, it’s a city wedding so I knew that numbers wouldn’t be huge but I had just assumed after we had spoke about every detail for so long I would be there, even if just for the evening.
I met up with her before Christmas for dinner and after talking at one point she looked a bit sheepish and said something like ‘ok so I have to tell you we are struggling with numbers for the wedding so we might not be able to invite you…’
I absolutely one million percent totally understand and told her as much, but it felt like a kick in the gut if I’m being honest, after speaking about the fine details of it over dinner for so long. I did think, ok she’ll probably say come along to the evening part, but she didn’t.
In February she messaged me and asked if I wanted to go to hers for a girls night while her DP was away, just a few wines and nibbles. I said yes.
When I arrived there were a few others there already who all seemed to know each other - I thought they must all work together? As I was chatting to them I said, so how does everyone know Katie, do you all work together? They looked puzzled and said ‘no, we met at the engagement party’ and then all nodded in agreement.
I then had another kick in the gut feeling where I thought, omg how embarrassing, I am the only one here who wasn’t invited to the engagement party. She had mentioned to me at the time she was having a small dinner which I thought was just for family and one or two close friends of the couple.
I felt totally embarrassed and in all honestly my attendance there felt like a pity invite. I left after a while, gave her a heartfelt thanks and a hug and said bye. But it did feel awkward and she looked sheepish (that’s the only way I can describe it)
And now I haven’t heard from her since, and I haven’t contacted her since.
I know it the friendship fizzles for her it will be a convenience because it removes any awkwardness about the wedding going forward. I think I just feel a bit wounded too because the importance of our friendship was obviously uneven and it meant more to me than her . Which is absolutely not her fault AT ALL but for me I just feel embarrassed. And I guess I just felt hurt that I had spent so much time talking to her about her wedding plans in detail, listening while she moaned about different things and giving advice, looking at photos of her dress - everything.
I can’t decide now whether to pick myself up and message her to give the friendship another go, or accept that this has now run it’s course and to move on? What would you do?