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Was this our fault or his fault?

12 replies

Bakerfoot · 02/04/2024 12:31

I have a group of friends who enjoy a drink. We don't do it that often, but when we do it will be done to excess properly. Yesterday was one such day, some drinks and food in the sunshine seeing a band. Our first big session this year, a thoroughly good time had by all.

Now, I like a drink, but I also respect rhe right of others to choose not to and would never try and persuade someone who's said they don't want to drink. I went out with some of the same people last week and two of us (including me) didn't drink at all because we had busy days next day. This is never a problem.

There's one man in our group who hadn't had a drink since Christmas and was planning to go to the end of April. Just becuase he knew he'd been over doing it in Nov and Dec. This is all fine, he's still more than welcome to join us and no one ever puts any pressure on.

Anyway, yesterday, after a couple of hours on beer, when he'd been having alcohol free, we found ourselves in a cocktail place. One man said should he order the same cocktail for everyone and non drinking man said "go one then". I even said "I thought you werent drinking?" and he said "one won't hurt".

Which of course it does, it's never one, the reason I don't drink at all if I need to be careful.

So he enjoyed himself and carried on drinking all evening. He's now saying we "broke him". It's all intended to be light hearted, but I'm offended. I would never set out to knock someone off the wagon and he absolutely made his own choices with no real pressure. .

Does correcting him make me look like I have sense of humour failure?

OP posts:
CherieBabySpliffUp · 02/04/2024 12:33

I'm assuming he messaged in a group chat? I'd reply "ha, ha. Noone twisted your arm." Or something along those lines.

TheDuck2018 · 02/04/2024 12:33

Yes it does. He knows he's only got himself to blame, and as long as you all had fun and nobody got hurt, its not a problem.

Sparklfairy · 02/04/2024 12:34

Well imo you're completely overthinking it but...

Why go to a cocktail place when someone is not drinking, and why did the guy say everyone should have the same cocktail? No need for that, and set your friend up for failure.

pictoosh · 02/04/2024 12:35

Of course it does. He knows he made his own choices...he reiterating how much he enjoys being part of your social group.
Read between the lines.

Bakerfoot · 02/04/2024 12:37

Sparklfairy · 02/04/2024 12:34

Well imo you're completely overthinking it but...

Why go to a cocktail place when someone is not drinking, and why did the guy say everyone should have the same cocktail? No need for that, and set your friend up for failure.

The cocktail place sells lots of non-alcoholic things. We went there for food. Generous man was buying a round, is all. It was always going to be a boozy day, regardless of where we went, he knew that before we chose to come out with us.

OP posts:
WeeOrcadian · 02/04/2024 12:38

I assume he's an adult

If he is, he's his own person.

His choices - his problem

My reply would be light - "haha, you said 'yes'!"

WaltzingWaters · 02/04/2024 12:38

Sparklfairy · 02/04/2024 12:34

Well imo you're completely overthinking it but...

Why go to a cocktail place when someone is not drinking, and why did the guy say everyone should have the same cocktail? No need for that, and set your friend up for failure.

All cocktail places will have non-alcoholic options also. He could have picked a mocktail.

He knows he only has himself to blame. I wouldn’t respond to his message. Or if you do, just make some joke about it being his choice.

PossumintheHouse · 02/04/2024 12:40

He's only saying it to make himself feel better. I don't even think it merits a response. He knows you didn't funnel cocktails down his throat.

Sparklfairy · 02/04/2024 12:40

WaltzingWaters · 02/04/2024 12:38

All cocktail places will have non-alcoholic options also. He could have picked a mocktail.

He knows he only has himself to blame. I wouldn’t respond to his message. Or if you do, just make some joke about it being his choice.

I just meant it kind of ups the temptation. I know there's non-alcoholic options, but it all depends how hard he's having to try to stay sober. A cocktail place can feel a bit like being a kid in a sweet shop with no pocket money if he's struggling more than he'd like to admit.

JudgeJudging · 02/04/2024 12:42

But you say he obviously intended his remark to be light-hearted. He doesn't mean you 'broke him', he's making a joke at his own inability to keep his resolution to stay alcohol-free till the end of April. Why are you 'offended'?

WaltzingWaters · 02/04/2024 12:57

Sparklfairy · 02/04/2024 12:40

I just meant it kind of ups the temptation. I know there's non-alcoholic options, but it all depends how hard he's having to try to stay sober. A cocktail place can feel a bit like being a kid in a sweet shop with no pocket money if he's struggling more than he'd like to admit.

Personally I’d say the opposite. More fun non-alcoholic options in a cocktail bar with nicely made mocktails or often craft nonalcoholic beers, rather than the standard Heineken 0 you get in the majority of pubs.
But I know that’s personal preference, but I had a great time having mocktails or nice alcohol free beers in cocktail bars when I was pregnant.

LifeExperience · 02/04/2024 13:04

You are not responsible for another adult's freely-made choices. Nobody poured alcohol down his throat.

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