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Husband’s female friend

8 replies

thirdwheelmummy · 01/04/2024 21:40

DH has a female friend he’s known since uni. They never had a relationship - we are now mid 40s and they are still in touch. We have seen her and her husband and kids a handful of times over the last decade and moved near to their hometown, where the friend is settled with her family, one year ago.

Since moving we have gone for days out with her and her family (kids are same ages). Once or twice DH has met with her alone at a pub, comes home after a drink or two. I don’t suspect that he has any feelings for her (although I admit to being somewhat jealous of her, she is attractive and has a good profession.) However, there is a way she looks at DH that gives me pause. Her eyes light up and it’s like she’s relieved to be around him, she comments on how lucky I am to have a DH who does the washing up. There’s never any physical touch between them. But it still makes me…uneasy, perhaps because I can see they do enjoy each others company? I’m not typically a very jealous person, am completely fine with him having friends of opposite sex (I have several male friends myself) but somehow the way she acts toward him just feels a bit off. In fact he has other female friends who don’t give this impression.

What would you do in this situation? Just keep trusting DH? Mention that it seems friend fancies him? I reckon if o were to mention this to DH, he would be hurt at the implication that I don’t trust him. Maybe I don’t trust her? Just looking for any similar experiences or insights.

OP posts:
Candlelig · 01/04/2024 21:41

Have you ever seen friends from college on Netflix?

hottchocolate · 01/04/2024 21:42

If he's a good friend then she may just be happy to be around him for that reason? I have a close male friend (we are both married) and I really enjoy seeing him. We don't go to the pub together or evenings we just do lunch or coffees as we work in the same city. I think you are jealous of her because she's attractive.

Lollyp2 · 21/10/2024 18:26

Sometimes gut feelings speak and instincts should be trusted.
Have you asked yourself why you feel this particular way about her and not any other friend of his?
Does any other female friend of his behave in the same manner?

I feel you should in passing and in a non accusation way just mention it to DH that you think she has a thing for him but that also you certainly trust him to be faithful.
Otherwise you will carry on in agony and suspicion every time they meet up or are together.
I want to assume that by now you have both drawn boundaries e.g if it makes you uncomfortable that they are having pub meets by themselves, that's a reason to worry innit?

It's called drawing a line before he crosses it.All the best.

newnamethanks · 21/10/2024 18:31

20 years in? I reckon you're OK.

Peakypolly · 21/10/2024 19:03

20 years in? I reckon you're OK.
I'm not sure about the timeline being a guarantee of no cheating, but in this case I think you are fine to say to DH that his friend obviously idolises him. Surely that is a compliment to him, nothing to do with his fidelity to you. How does she interact with her own DH? Is that a happy relationship? You are also a friend of hers which is great.
My DH has a good (female) friend. When she started confiding in him about personal issues, he very quickly told her he was out of his depth and suggested she spoke to me. I had only known her socially until then, but now she and I are close friends.
I have friends of both sex's that I adore and can really relax with, I certainly don't want anything romantic, let alone sexual with them.

VioletW · 21/10/2024 19:06

I have a male friend like this.

I'm not sure I agree about trusting gut instinct if all that means is you're picking up in her fancying him. You've already said you trust him so presumably aren't worried from that point of view.

I'm not sure it's worth bringing it up because whenever she comes up or you meet her it will be a 'thing'. But it's up to you if course

GettingStuffed · 21/10/2024 19:10

I have a male that I've known since secondary school and we do stuff together, he's divorced y I'm married. Nothing inappropriate has ever happened and probably never will . My son has a female friend who he's known since school they're both married to other people but they're still really close. My ds says she's like a sister to him

Men and women being friends doesn't automatically mean affair.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 21/10/2024 21:29

I have a few male friends and we have similar arrangements but life as it is with kids etc we never get to be alone. In truth I would love to hang out one to one with them, there is one man in particular that i really value his perspective on things. There is also something deeply comforting about being around people who knew you when you were young. I honestly wouldn't think you have anything to worry about

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