Why does MIL act like this ?

[milirritation]

She has always made comments about me taking her son etc etc

She keeps summoning dh for last minute things and then having massive tantrums when he’s not available. Nothing is ever planned in advance and she goes crazy when he can’t drop everything for her ???? She lives 3 doors down from SIL as well but prefers to ask (demand) so much from dh?

It’s just getting worse I don’t think she understands that we are busy and that she isn’t the centre of the universe

The odd thing is if we try to plan something in advance she says she can’t as busy/unwell? So she refuses to go out with us or visit in a social capacity but wants dh to help her at random times that exact second and drop everything? It’s very strange

@milirritation could have written this myself. I have one whose behaviour is identical. She even managed to get my DP to rush over there one xmas day. Luckily he made it back before xmas dinner - I would have been quite pissy otherwise!

Honestly, I think some women are just like that. Very entitled, needy etc.

You are not in a relationship with her though, so feel free to be a bit blunt and rude. You don’t always have to try to be the perfect DIL - you probably won’t ever be in her eyes (it’s not you - it’s her) stop trying I say and speak to your DH to set boundaries and limits.

Edit: scrap that -the OP isn’t the same person as the milk pp!

Am sure there's more background to this but I wouldn't begrudge my DH making sure his mum had milk, bread, fruit etc for when she got back from her trip. Nor taking her to the airport. He does both, in fact.

But I think probably there are cultural reasons in our case (we go out of our way to help our parents) and perhaps more context in your case.

When you’re only home for 48 hours a week and have commitments of your own, an hour is a long time. I used to holiday at least 4 times a year but it never once occurred to me to do anything but have food in the freezer and a carton of long-life milk in the cupboard. It was all about the control of getting her son to go out of his way. It has since transpired that she only ever buys long-life milk while in Spain, as she doesn’t like the fresh milk there.

I suppose I really liked putting on a few side lights/heating on/making sure there was a bit of food on the fridge when my parents returned from holiday.
And yes I had other commitments, but an hour is hardly a lot. The parent will have been away so one has had lots of “free” time during that period.
My parents did the same for me.
I think we’re all becoming really selfish and it’s not making us any happier.

I guess we’re all different. When someone has a second home and goes between the two, it’s not really the same as an annual summer holiday. If she wasn’t such a prick and so demanding, people would be more inclined to help her.

If someone is able bodied and if sound mind they really should be able to find a way to pick up groceries. We’re not in Covid times.

I used to put milk and bread in for my neighbours when they got back from holiday (I would also water their plants). They offered to do the same for us.

@Rainydayinlondon depends what you mean ‘one will have had lots of free time’

different situation for us - but we have 2 small children under 3, sleep deprived, life is just non stop stressful and juggling work etc. I barely have time to do the daily chores, so taking an hour out of my day would be a huge sacrifice compared to that person buying their own milk.

if you have the time to give, then no, it’s not much of a sacrifice . But some people are stressed to their eye balls with no help or break, and time is the most valuable thing.

By “more time” I meant that parents being away means there are not visits/help required during the weeks they are away. So one gains time for oneself.
I used to do this for my parents when I had small children/working full time/husband working away. It’s part and parcel of being a family unit. Maybe not if they had been in their fifties, but in their seventies it just seemed the kind thing to do. It made them feel cared for and appreciated.
I’m no saint, 😇🤣but I do feel that we’re becoming a society where everyone is out for themselves and no one “puts themselves out” for anyone else.

The crux of it though is that these demanding entitled types of DM’s/MIL’s never put themselves out for anyone, it’s all one way with them, take take take.

Your MIL acts like this because you and her DS are enabling her to. Tell her you’re busy. Once she’s done something for herself once she can do it again.

Or you can keep enabling her by constantly disrupting your own lives and putting your family’s needs on the back burner. The choice is yours 🤷‍♀️

I agree about the selfishness. There is so much of it on these boards. People shut themselves away and think they won’t inconvenience themselves one jot for anybody. That doesn’t lead to a better society.

My SIL once told me that no-one was good enough for her DC. They are all married and all of their spouses feel that they can never please their MIL.

She is a bit like that with me, but the end result is that she is driving everyone away from her. Both of my nephews rarely visits their mum because of the way she is with their partners. DH doesn't visit her very often because she is frosty towards me, and DD doesn't like her for the same reason.

SIL is quite lonely now, but it is of her own making.

What I don't understand is that her mother, my late MIL, was nothing like that at all. She made me feel welcome from day one, and we became very close.

And would you still do it if they moved an hour's round trip away? 🙄

Presumably, your neighbours don’t live 30 minutes away.

Britain is littered with motorway service stations and supermarkets. I don't believe it's that hard to stop off and buy some milk - certainly easier than making someone else do a lm hour round trip to buy it for you!