Unwanted presents

[thinkfast]

Mil is a chronic over buyer of presents.

The quantity of stuff she buys for Christmas is crazy and unfortunately a lot of it is unwanted / tat.

She's just got back from an exotic holiday and I have a whole bag full of bits that are really not my taste / touristy tat. Her taste and mine is very different, but she means well.

I tend to accept the gifts, thank her and then chuck them when I get home, but it seems so wasteful and she clearly loves the stuff she buys. Am I handling this right? Should I say thanks but no thanks to see if she'd rather keep it for herself next time?

Could you give them to charity to sell?

Yes I can give them to the charity shop but it's a pain to do so. I literally have a huge shopping bag FULL of stuff today.

I feel bad that she's wasting her money on stuff I really don't want or like. Little touristy Knick knacks. Dusty bits of shiny metal decorations. Some kind of oversized case for spectacles

YABU not to donate them. You can always take them in a few trips.

Have you had a conversation with them, maybe suggest that that really doen't need to be spending all her money on gifts for you, and that you would feel more comfortable if they were to bring you someone small, like a key ring or a fridge magnet.

If they insist on continuing, i'd accept them gracefully and then donate them rather than throwing them away.

What does this friend do when you visit, do they not notice that their little trinkets are not out on display or being used?

I wouldn't take on the guilt... regardless of whether it ends up in the bin when you thow it away, when the charity shop throw it away or when it gets chucked by someone who buys this tat but doesn't need it.... it is still rubbish.

Have you tried talking to her about it? Donating stuff you don't need is a good idea but it doesn't really solve the problem. Try telling her you absolutely appreciate how she always thinks of you and makes it a point to get you something, but it's not really your cup of tea and you'd rather see photos she takes during her trips or hear her stories about local culture or food, etc. Maybe get her a software to make travel slideshows or a collage maker for desktop to encourage her to do that instead of buying stuff. She means well, but it's not uncommon to cause harm (a little bit harsh, but I can't think of another word rn, sorry). Try to address that and redirect her actions.

Followup for a travel slideshow software as I forgot to link it 😅

Thanks. DH tells me he's keeping the sculpture of the golden mermaid with a lions head she got him and it's going on his bedside table..... so just my stuff for the charity shop then. Also I'm not allowed to tell her next time that we are trying to de-clutter so get less stuff pls...