The opposite of a narcissist

[LondonPleaseButJustForOneDay]

I know it sounds awful but sometimes although I'm grateful to be a good person I think life would be a lot easier if I was a narcissist. I go through life constantly feeling guilt and worry about absolutely everything. Am I doing everything right? Is there anything I can do better? What about me do I need to work on? Did I offend someone the last time I was drunk and don't remember? Am I good enough at my job? Why did I get a pay rise that I didn't deserve? What do people really think of me? Am I a terrible person because I got away with this or that? Would other people be bothered by it if it was them? If I've had an intrusive thought about this, that or the other does that mean I'm a bad person? Could I make my parents prouder? Etc etc etc.

How wonderful it would be to just sail from one day to the next believing you are flawless and never feeling guilt, self doubt or any lack of confidence whatsoever.

Narcissists are hollow, empty people who bring misery onto themselves and others. They act as though they're full of it, but underneath they know they're charlatans and live in constant fear of being found out. They have no chance of ever becoming happy well rounded people.

You sound like me. I'm constantly feeling guilty I'm not doing enough. Trying to keep everyone happy usually to my own detriment. I replay everything in my head wondering what people think of me. It is exhausting!!

My mum has narcissistic traits and I have started to wonder if I'm over compensating for her behaviour.

Luckily my DH is great and points out when I'm focusing too much on everyone else and ignoring my own needs. I do wish I didn't care it worry about everything so much. His main argument when I'm stressing over something or someone is 'do you think they're worrying as much about you as you are about them?'

Think you need to get some anti ds for anxiety and obsessive and intrusive thoughts alongside therapy. There is not narcissistic and a non-narcissistic traits/personalities and that's it just them two. Get help 🙂

I do not want to numb myself with pills

Both a narcissist and the extreme empath as I believe would be the opposite, are on the two extreme sides of the spectrum and probably both could be called a mental disorder. A healthy, balanced person is more in the centre, they would have enough self esteem to feel good and set healthy boundaries, but enough empathy to treat others well and put themselves out for the good of the community and their friends and family.

You wouldn't be numbing yourself with pills, they bring your brain back to normal balance. I am on them and still have feeings and don't feel numb

Hi lovely, it sounds really tough to be thinking this way constantly. I think you're understanding of narcissistic people is perhaps not quite accurate as they are actually extremely insecure and their behaviours are based on the insecurities they have.
It might be worth considering if you could have OCD or are neuro divergent. People who are autistic for example, especially women, are misdiagnosed with anxiety quite often as they tend to experience rumination of thought.
Equally OCD is not just needing to be clean and there are types of OCD which involve overthinking experiences or thoughts.
It's worth speaking to your GP, you don't have to take medication but sometimes it can help to feel balanced whilst you're exploring the root cause.

I had no idea that the misconception about ssris 'numbing' you was still knocking about! It is useful, important medication for thousands of people. Sure, it may not be a choice you want to make but being so flippant in your response and view of them seems narrow-minded.

OP you do sound to be at the extreme end of this kind of thinking and behaviour, to the extent that I agree you probably need to address it with some proper support. Fantasising about being on the total other end (which is also miserable) is not normal. It is clearly not a state that you enjoy being in. Healthy balanced people sit in the middle.

I would recommend cognitive behavioural therapy. Worked really well for me. If you are in the UK, I think you can refer yourself. I could in Scotland and I got 6 sessions on the NHS. I had similar feelings to you, worried about everybody else but my counsellor really helped me be a little more assertive and work out what was important to me.
I wish everyone had access to it.

Medication can be alerting rather than numbing but therapy for people pleasing might help you feel less burdened by expectations.