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how would your 13 year old react to this?

10 replies

chocohoneyegg · 31/03/2024 18:57

Just interested, really. DS has few problems with other kids, and has great friends. However, every Saturday he plays a racquet sport and three boys of his age, all around the same standard as DS go sometimes and when they do, they all sigh when DS misses, and give each other meaningful looks, talk down to DS, have in the past said how rubbish DS is and things like "you aren't going to miss that shot are you?" (though coach put a stop to that, it is all a bit more subtle now). They ignore DS if he talks to them, and are generally exclusive. DS generally plays to an equivalent standard as them. There are other kids of different ages in the same group, and when these three boys are not there, which happens around every other week, the atmosphere is completely different, very friendly, fun and good natured.

I just wondered how your 13 year old would react to the three boys, as I say, just interested, and looking for ideas.

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 31/03/2024 19:00

My 13 year old competes in a sport where there are a few children like this. DS ignores them and only spends time with the nice children. Does your DS have to play with these children? Can he not just train with the others who are there all the time?

chocohoneyegg · 31/03/2024 19:09

It is a mixed level group and he is more at the level of the 3 boys so if they are there they generally play together for the first half or so. They are all very slightly better than the other kids, or at least, a bit more powerful. It has only got really nasty in the last couple of months. I could ask the coach for DS to be with one of the other groups. It was awful yesterday because only these 3 boys turned up.

Is your DC pretty immune to it? That is where I'd like to get DS to. Not to take it personally.

OP posts:
Tableu291 · 31/03/2024 19:23

At 12/13 he would have been upset and it would have stopped him wanting to go (which I probably would have allowed)

He's now 15 and it would be water off a ducks back. He'd tell them to fuck off and give back as much as they gave.

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bibbidiblobidyboo · 31/03/2024 19:43

Different sport and it is my dd and girls but similar age and similar issues.
We spoke to the coach who spoke to them all. Dd worked with older kids for a couple of sessions. Things have improved and we will just keep an eye on things.
Hope things improve for your son. There is probably an element of jealousy or mind games. Really not nice and tricky to solve if it is 3 against 1. Hopefully your son beats them in a game and they will shut up.

chocohoneyegg · 31/03/2024 19:45

Tableu291 · 31/03/2024 19:23

At 12/13 he would have been upset and it would have stopped him wanting to go (which I probably would have allowed)

He's now 15 and it would be water off a ducks back. He'd tell them to fuck off and give back as much as they gave.

That is so good to hear, and gives me hope! That at 15 water off a duck's back

OP posts:
chocohoneyegg · 31/03/2024 19:46

bibbidiblobidyboo · 31/03/2024 19:43

Different sport and it is my dd and girls but similar age and similar issues.
We spoke to the coach who spoke to them all. Dd worked with older kids for a couple of sessions. Things have improved and we will just keep an eye on things.
Hope things improve for your son. There is probably an element of jealousy or mind games. Really not nice and tricky to solve if it is 3 against 1. Hopefully your son beats them in a game and they will shut up.

Thank you, really appreciate all the responses!

OP posts:
Tableu291 · 31/03/2024 19:54

chocohoneyegg · 31/03/2024 19:45

That is so good to hear, and gives me hope! That at 15 water off a duck's back

Yeh my boy's changed so much in the last few years. I don't think it's been anything particular we did as parents, the pep talks before things didn't ever really make a difference I don't think. It's just been (sadly) sink or swim in secondary school plus the confidence that post puberty brings-height and a bit of muscle.

He's still a lovely, kind lad but he's learned that fronting up to bullies, giving a sharp 'fuck off' back means that they back down.

I think your DS just needs time to gain that confidence. In the mean time keep an eye on it, as the coach to intervene where possible and if it gets to the point where DS is really not enjoying it anymore I'd give him the option to stop and try again in a year or 2.

Tableu291 · 31/03/2024 19:56

And I should add, we don't encourage swearing and we're not a sweary family but sometimes it's the only language that gets through to kids like the ones bullying your DS.

Hellocatshome · 31/03/2024 21:03

chocohoneyegg · 31/03/2024 19:09

It is a mixed level group and he is more at the level of the 3 boys so if they are there they generally play together for the first half or so. They are all very slightly better than the other kids, or at least, a bit more powerful. It has only got really nasty in the last couple of months. I could ask the coach for DS to be with one of the other groups. It was awful yesterday because only these 3 boys turned up.

Is your DC pretty immune to it? That is where I'd like to get DS to. Not to take it personally.

Yes DS is immune to it. He has tics so has had a lot of experience of not caring what others think about him.

Some will give you advice on things your DS can say to them etc but in my experience and watching DS navigate this a quiet dignity and rising above it is the way to go although that is obviously easier said than done.

calligraphee · 31/03/2024 21:06

I would encourage my child to refuse to play with people who are so openly bullying.

I'd have a word with the coach and ask if there are alternative clubs offering the same sport because the behaviour is not acceptable.

I would never encourage my child to put up with this kind of nonsense.

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