My mum is ill - how to help?

[NorthernGirlie]

I don't have an easy relationship with my mum for various reasons. However, she's ill and my dad is struggling and I want to help

*She's had a cough for weeks. Not getting better - been for chest xray. She's having coughing fits at ight that are causing her to panic and not be able to breath. Dad had paramedics out who said sats were fine

Dad took her to a&e because if the panic breathing. Doc there said something showed in the xray that he could prescribe a tablet for (to loosen pleghm?) But didn't because he didn't want it to interfere with scans booked.

She's not eating - I've sent build up drinks she won't have them. She said her throat is too sore and that she feels like something is stuck and she can't get anything down. She's lost a lot of weight in just a couple of weeks - clothes are hanging off her

She had a CT scan this week. Booked for a camera up (can't remember the term)

Dad is desperate for something to be done. No doctors appointment until all test are done which will be the end of next week and then a wait for results. Dad feels like she can't wait till then

I've no idea what to do or suggest? She's 74 and seems to have convinced herself she's dying and given up.

Sorry - should have said what I'd actually like help with

How can we get calories into her if she won't eat? Is there anything we should be asking the doctors to do?

Google Ensure drinks. DM had these - doctors may be willing to prescribe as they are expensive.

Is your DM still able to advocate for herself with GP? Is your DF able to? I’d recommend keeping notes of calls with the GP - dates, what you’ve been told, by who etc. DM had lots of appointments and lots of tests and I found it was confusing at times and mixed messages. Also don’t be afraid to push if gut reaction is that health problems can’t wait. If DM and DF can’t advocate for her health, could DM put in writing to GP that info can be shared with you, and you can’t talk to them on her behalf.

Has anyone looked in her mouth and throat, if its too sore to eat or drink she will quickly become very dehydrated, could she manage ice cream, jelly, yoghourt, hi calorie mouuse. I would get her seen again by calling 111 if she cannot even drink.

Just a thought but if her mouth and throat are really sore could she have decent pain killers and a spray to ease the pain, also a mouth lubricant to help keep her mouth moist and clean.

Have you heard of the virus going round nick named the hundred day cough? We all have it in our house. I’ve had steroids as it triggered my asthma (that I’ve not had for 16 years!). But we are 40s and teens so in someone your mother’s age it’ll hit harder. It is “just a virus” but hideous.

for her sore throat, has she tried throat sprays? Pain relief and maybe ask the doctor for a ventolin reliever inhaler?

Me and dad think it's potentially anxiety making her not eat rather than an actual throat problem. The doctor has looked at her throat.

She's had life long anxiety and worries constantly.

I've ot seen her properly in a couple of weeks (like I said - not a great relationship)

I'm off to town now though so will buy a throat spray to see if that will help.

Sorry - that sounded like I think she's making up her illness

She's not - there's obviously something wrong to warrant scand and cameras. We just don't know what to do whilst waiting. Dad isn't sleeping and everything is difficult 😕

I am so sorry to read this. Hopefully it is a gastroscopy (camera down throat to stomach) that is booked. Given the bank holiday I suppose that is the earliest they could arrange. Make sure you/your dad have clearly documented everything she eats/drinks, and her weight loss.
Meanwhile, have you tried ice lollies, ice cream/frozen yogurt? Semi solids are easier to swallow than liquids.
Has her GP been involved at all or just A&E?
Something like a heat pack or cold pack to her throat might help.

Ask the pharmacist about soluble paracetamol, Co cocodomol or liquids painkillers too, would herbal sleeping tablets help dad until he can see his own doctor.

You're right to be concerned about significant weight loss in a short space of time, hopefully the endoscopy is within a two weeks wait pathway and will show up any strictures or blockages. In the meantime as, others have said try high calorie/ full fat yogurts, mousses, thickened drinks. Perhaps GP or dietician would prescribe some supplement / high cal puddings.

Sorry - completely forgot I'd started this thread

We're still no further forward despite a huge amount of input from the NHS. she's had:
Numerous gp appointments
A CT scan
Bloods
A chest x-ray
A neck x-ray (she had to swallow some kind of liquid for this)
ENT appointment

Was referred for the camera up her bottom. Refused that

Went for the camera down her throat. Doctor refused at the appointment because she had one 1.5 years ago and due to her age and refusal to have the camera up this wouldn't tell them anything

Everything else clear.

She won't eat anything except ice cream, soup, weetabix... mush basically

She's lost nearly 2 stone in around 7 weeks (she's now around 7 stone)

My dad is at breaking point. What do we do? 😭

I'm very surprised they refused endoscopy based on her refusing a colonoscopy. Seems bizarre as they could rule out all kind of stomach issues/ esophageal cancer etc just by doing an endoscopy.

She needs the build up drinks.

They taste bloody vile though so if she is having throat problems that won't make it any easier to get them in.

You can get throat sprays that numb the throat that may make it easier for her to eat and swallow.

www.boots.com/ultra-chloraseptic-anaesthetic-throat-spray-15ml-10095640

With the build up drinks, get something like a selection pack and try to find the least vile one.

I use complan and I note they now do a powder you can mix in with other food.
No doubt because it tastes vile.

www.complan.com

https://www.malnutritiontaskforce.org.uk/

This is quite a nice resource to help with the nutrition side of things. Maybe ask your GP to refer to the local NHS community dietitian?

Has your GP spoken to your mum about how important the camera tests are to help get a diagnosis? Often people will listen to the doctor more than their family. Would she accept the camera tests with some medication to ease her anxiety and with all the sedation?

My mum is pretty stubborn. I can imagine she would be the same as your mum, refusing tests despite symptoms. She has told me she would not want any life saving treatment, no resus, that sort of thing if she finds herself in A&E. She refuses to see the GP for anything, really. It's so frustrating! Sorry, I can't help more but you have my sympathies.