Feeling sorry for myself - holiday and DD

[Feelingpityformyself]

Just a bit of self pity really.

DD is 14, has significant SEN, and she cannot tolerate being out of her routine.

For me this means cooking her the same meals, watching the same things at the same time, only going to a select few places... its hard.

It also means she can't tolerate being away from home. I book 3 days every summer at a caravan 6 miles away, and that's the absolute maximum she can stand.

I absolutely long for a week away somewhere, even if its at the caravan 6 miles away. Just a break in routine, an impromptu visit to the chippy, randomly sticking a film on the TV....

It's just bloody hard sometimes, and it feels never ending.

I love the very bones of her, she is interesting, kind, clever, beautiful, talented in so many ways, but the routine and inflexibility is exhausting.

As others have said, you sound like such a brilliant mum.

Can you flip it and bring the holiday to you? Is there some negotiation to be had on the doing the same things at the same time every day, such that you could, for example

have a serious massage / facial/pedicure at home
Have a spray tan at home
have really posh meals cooked by local serious chefs - in London this is definitely possible, maybe elsewhere?
Buy much posher wine than you usually would, maybe as part of a remote tasting club or something like that
Have someone come to the house to do one-to-one yoga instruction

Could you get a hot tub for the summer - wine and book in the late evenings?
Could you create a special space for you, garden studio kind of thing, with a fire pit outside
And if she could be left for 3 hours or so, could you go to concerts/meals out/spa evenings?

I know it's not the same and quite possibly these aren't the kind of things that you would actually do on holiday (I don't!) so you might at first find the idea of them excruciating. But I think some of them might give you that sense of specialness and 'not my usual shite' that is one of the lovely things about going away on holiday perhaps?

I think I would start talking to her frequently and excitedly about something super exciting that YOU would like to do one day and maybe in time she will get on board?

I sympathise, i am in a similar situation and due to ds disability and other factors we can't get away for longer than 3 days and beach/sun have been totally out of the question forever - I just had to learn to find silver lining - eg people say i look younger than my age.🤔

If you use Twitter there's an amazing dad on there who shares his experience with his son. He did manage to take him abroad last year which he never dreamed he'd be able to do and discussed what preparation he put in to achieve it.
His son is significantly older than your dd but his advice always seems really well reasoned and explained so he'd be worth a read if you have the energy

Thanks all.

I really have depressed myself now, off the back of my earlier comment I googled how old Shirley Valentine was, thinking I really could bugger off like her in a few years.

She was 42, 42 ffs, I'm a wee bit older then her.

We are making adjustments very slowly to DDs routine. We had a massive breakthrough a few weeks back where we went somewhere she really wanted to go and it was a huge success, which sparked back going to school again, so I'm really keen to just take things at her pace and be guided by her.

As for me, I do have a wee art studio in my garden that's just for me. It's slightly tricky because I'm just getting into things and then have to go check on DD again, and the home schooling thing is really time consuming as well. I must have 30 alarms a day going off for various checks, meds, appointments, then my own stuff too.

@iseealittle I hope tomorrow is a good day for you, I see it a lot with dd, I'll give her one task, and she has to plan her whole day around it, even if it's a 5 minute thing.

@YogaLite Funnily enough people say I look young for my age too I think it's just because the fat smoothes out the wrinkles though 🤣

I'm not actually on twitter (or any SM, DDs dad is a bell end and I can be arsed with the hassle).

Ww will get there eventually, just frustrating in the short term.