Hand hold while I wallow in self pity

[peppermintsee]

I recently left my husband and last week I moved into my new home with my children.

This afternoon their Dad picked them up for contact and they're gone until Monday and I'm totally alone. I made loads of plans for this weekend to keep myself busy and occupied but I've cancelled them all and I'm sat here, in my living room surrounded by crap and boxes crying, drinking red wine from a mug and eating one of the kids eater eggs (I will replace it).

I don't want to talk to my friends or family as I've faked migraine and used moving in as an excuse to cancel everything and I know if I speak to them they'd be here, cheering me up and distracting me and I think I just need to be alone to cry and feel sorry for myself and get it all out my system so I can focus on our new beginning.

Me and the kids have been happy and had a really lovely first week in our new home so this has really hit me out of the blue. I thought I was ok but I'm not. I will be, but not right now and tomorrow isn't looking promising as red wine does not agree with me, but it was left by the sellers and it's all I had.

Op you have been through a lot. Its catching up with you x have a good cry tonight and a good night sleep..... it will feel better x sending you the biggest of hugs x

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Moving is a huge change and even good changes take some getting used to, let alone ones that come from negative circumstances.

It sounds like you’ve done the right thing, by having a night to yourself to let your emotions out and process how you’re feeling. However, it might be a good idea to keep at least some of the plans you had to avoid you from plunging into the blues and have some positive experiences and connections (I’m sure you could reverse the decisions if it’s your family and friends).

Heyyyyy I’ve recently been in the same position, and I think it’s perfectly fine and normal to have a few shaky days, like your body has been holding on until your kids are away to give itself permission to grieve.

Listen to your body, take the time you need and be proud of yourself.

My house was in SUCH a bad way when I finally moved in that I think I was in genuine shock the first few weeks of living here with my baby. Nearly a year on and I’ve done so much to make it feel like home.

Being away from your kids for the first times can be hard. I still struggle with guilt that I’ve messed up his life, even though his dad was abusive.

Try to find distractions when you’re up for it, but for now, let yourself wallow and be proud of what you’ve accomplished.

Thanks all. I just hate not having my babies here. They're very young and it's hard on my own but don't appreciate the quiet when they aren't around.

It is fine to just be. You don't have to work or clean or tidy or cook nourishing meals or wake up early, you can just exist in the moment. Tomorrow is another day, it might be the same as today or it might not - does it matter in the grand scheme of things? Not really.

As you slowly come out of the stress and shock you can start making plans on what you want to do in future without the children around. What food do you like that they hate? Watch over18 films while eating a bowl of cereal at 3pm? Have an hour long bath? Go to the pub and have a carvery while reading a book? Ordering in a curry? Go ice skating without having to worry about them falling over. The list is endless once you start. But for now drink wine, cry and shake your fist at the universe, you won't be the only one doing it

It feels so hard emotionally but you need this time