Dynamic going from 2 to 3

[Poster57]

Considering a 3rd child. How did your family dynamic change going from 2 to 3? My DD has just turned 2 and DS is nearly 4. They are so close and my heart bursts with pride seeing them play together and have their wee chats. We’ve always encouraged them to be close and we’re a really tight knit family who do a lot together. Thise of you with 3 - how did your family dynamic change? Did it negatively affecting existing sibling relationships at all? Both to start with and slightly further down the line.

There was no problem, other than needing a bigger car.

Having a third child is like getting an expensive puppy. When the eldest gets more grown up there will be closeness with the youngest 2 and the eldest will mother the youngest. It is lovely having a youngest one to keep things like Santa going for longer.

What is harder is logistics of getting 3 around to clubs and after school activities. But once the eldest is able to get around themselves on buses / walking it gets easier. Plus the eldest (if sensible) can babysit the youngest / help with homework.

IME the youngest largely raises themselves. They benefit from a more chilled mum having been through it all twice before and learning from the elder children. They will grow up quicker and have less of a babyish upbringing (less CBeebies type stuff straight on to Cartoon Network & watching more grown up shows for example).

I think 3rd children are very lucky. They are forever the mascot of the family.

@RaisinforBeing I hadn’t thought about a 3rd keeping Santa going for longer! That’s a very good point!

@RaisinforBeing what are your age gaps?

That is a very sweet outlook @RaisinforBeing . Our last DD3 is currently tormenting the elder two DS7 & DS10. We are hoping that things will improve with time.

But having a third does slow things down, and there are always then three different needs, whereas our two boys usually wanted the same things.

DD has made DS10 very responsible and caring, whereas he hunted his younger brother for most of his life.

We have 4 and found jump from 2-3 and then 3-4 far easier than the jump from 1-2 if that helps!

We actually didn't need a bigger car with 3 but did for 4 of course!

@HorribleHisTories15 i think that is a slight worry. My current 2 are so close and want to do the same things etc. it’s different bringing another one into the mix though. What age is your DD? My current two are only 22 months apart and I’d hope another would probably be about 3 years younger than my youngest.

@Decafflatteplease funny you should say that. We had always planned on 3 without question but the jump from 1-2 was a bit of a shock to the system 😂

Do either of you have any bother with holidays etc? The world seems to be built for 4 which is both frustrating and a bit concerning. I guess if it comes to it we just need to get 2 rooms but not ideal!

I found going from 2 Dc to 3 Dc really hard and had 3 under 3. Dc1 was 2.5 & Dc2 was 1.5 and were very very close. I found 1-2 relatively easy. However, Dc3 is now very close to Dc2 as both girls share a room. Also close to Dc1 as they have similar interests along with Dc4. Dc1& 2 remain very close still too. Dc3 is very laid back, and gets on with everyone & everything which helps, she has a great relationship with all siblings but in different ways & interests. We found holidays, nights away are tricky/were tricky with more than 2, days out are expensive now they’re older (their 9, 8, 6 & 4) and juggling the logistics of clubs & play dates the trickiest.

I have 3, bgb. There's logistical issues like cars, holidays etc but that can be worked around however DS2 completely changed the family dynamics.

DS1 and DD (4 yr gap) had a very close relationship. When DS2 arrived DS1 was utterly besotted as he'd always wanted a brother and DD (2) felt very pushed out. Lots of regression and behavioural issues from DD and it was further complicated as DS2 has SEN.

Now DS1 is a teenager DD and DS2 have become close but it took a lot of time and effort to get there.

Best decision ever! Three in four years girl boy boy. The relationships and dynamics changed as the ages changed we only had cheap self catering holidays in this country all we could afford but it worked they are all fully adult leaving different lives but still close and I couldn’t have wished for better. ( might have forgotten some of it though!)

We found 2-3 easier than 1-2. However we had DS2 just before covid so it wasn’t the best maternity leave. Our 3 are now 6, 4 and 2 and mainly play well together. The older 2 often play but also quite often argue and the middle one does often delight in winding the older one up. The little one is just now at the age of wanting to join in and sometimes they’ll all play which is lovely. We have girl boy boy. Girl dotes on the baby boy and mothers him. The boys are starting to become besties which I think will help as girl gets older and starts to want her own space more. I am really hoping that they all grow up to be close 🤞🤞

I’m loving all the input. It’s so helpful getting the different perspectives.

@EcoCustard did you still manage the holidays and nights away despite being trickier? It sounds like 3 didn’t put you off of you went for a 4th at least 😄 I do hear many comments that the even numbers are easier mind you.

@TotallyKerplunked thats such a shame that you’re DD felt pushed out. Funnily enough I currently have bg and I always thought bgb would be best dynamic wise if we had another (not that we can chose of course lol) just because I felt like bgg risked singling out my first born.

@Thistooshallpsss i think you’re right in what you’re saying that changing ages change dynamics regardless of numbers. I work on the assumption my my current two would always be close if they remain the two of them but that’s not guaranteed.

@bakingmummy21 i so hope that my kids grow up close too. I put a lot of work into looking after their mental health and growing healthy relationships with them and I so hope it pays off. I think that’s why the thought of rocking the boat gives me that bit of anxiety but I’m just not sure I’m done. My 2nd child also winds my eldest up a lot! She knows how to press his buttons that’s for sure and she’s not even quite 2. My eldest was also a 2020 baby too so I feel your pain on the maternity leave during Covid.

@Poster57 we still manage holidays but they take a fair bit of planning & require two rooms with an adult in each which isn’t ideal, they are expensive too. Nights away I often do with 2 at a time which is nice as we get a bit more time together and I go for stuff suited to them. The 4th Dc was a failed vasectomy so definitely not planned but wouldn’t change for the world 😁.

Hmm it’s hard to answer really as I can’t really identify the dynamic changing. It’s nice to see DS2 as an older sibling, he’s utterly brilliant. DD is turning 2 tomorrow 🥳 and the boys are 9&6 so a bit of a gap. It was so so great. DS1 is still so in love with DD, the 7 year gap has been no issue. We already had a 7 seater car. I dunno!

It’s more that DD had to be super flexible and spent a lot of time in the car, had to be woken from naps etc to accommodate school runs and clubs etc. And for someone with such tiny clothes, her impact on the laundry was and still is, shockingly disruptive 😂

@EcoCustard I’d started to think it probably came down to just getting 2 rooms. As you say, not ideal at all but I guess it’s doable. That’s really nice that you get some time with 2 at a time. I bed the kids love that.
Ahh quite a surprise with dc4 then 🙈

@BingoMarieHeeler love the name! 😂 funnily enough our DD turns 2 tomorrow as well! This sounds lovely, sounds like your daughter has slotted right in! Yes car wise I think we’re going to a 7 seater regardless of what we do because I’m desperate for more room. Do you feel that you’re able to give them all enough attention? Things like that always worry me but I sort of think we’ll just adjust. I worry it’s my eldest who’d risk missing out.

@Poster57 ah happy birthday to your little one for tomorrow 😃

Attention - DD gets a lot as the boys are at school all week. Me and DH do have to make more of an effort to give the boys 1:1 time - definitely every bed time they both
get some 1:1, or 2 adult:1kid time. Then in the schools hols or weekends we tend to schedule in some 1:1 activities. Also we just make the most of 1:1 time when it comes up, which happens more than I thought it would. And DD still naps so it’s nice to have time with just the older 2 every day when they’re not at school. And family time with all 5 of us seems much more fun now actually as everyone is here now 😃

Agreed! My third was my easiest, felt I could finally enjoy parenting having learnt from 1st and 2nd. Never saw anything positive about having 3 over 2, but was the best decision. We went on to have a 4th, due to the age gaps, but the split of 1&2 and 3&4 is starting to change to 1,2&3 now.
Going from 0 children to 1 was the hardest, the rest got easier!

@BingoMarieHeeler that makes sense. That’s reassuring. I wasn’t thinking of even 1:1 time at bedtime etc. my kids go to bed at the same time just now but I guess that changes going forward. I like the “everyone is here now” :) hope you have a lovely day with your daughter tomorrow 🥳

@Padget i think I totally get the honesty of you having never seen anything positive of 3 over 2 prior to having your third. Logically I struggle with positives but in my heart I still want it. So it’s hard to navigate and see through the noise!