A youtube video triggered a storm of emotions

[Hartley99]

I suffer on and off with anxiety and depression. In general I'm fine, but now and again it floors me. I'm in my 40s and single. A therapist told me I'm cut off from my emotions, which is true. For quite a while I have worked from home and settled into a routine of not going out and socialising.

Recently, I decided that I can't go on like this. I need to get out and meet people, build social contacts, maybe even date. I'm getting older and want some kind of friendship and support in later life.

Anyway, a few days ago a video popped up on youtube. It was of a young couple who have recorded their relationship (their earliest dates, moving in together, getting a dog, him proposing, etc). Normally that kind of thing makes me roll my eyes, but something about the video caught my attention and bahm, I sat up half the night watching the whole lot.

God has it unleashed a shitstorm of emotion. I've clearly been more lonely than I realised. Maybe the love and intimacy between them (which is passionate and absolutely genuine) has woken me up. They are so young and so beautiful it's almost unbearable. I want to wrap them in cotton wool and keep them young and happy forever. I had a few gIasses of wine while I watched them and suddenly burst into tears (alcohol is the only thing that seems to release my emotions). I was crying for myself, but I was also crying for the other lonely, unloved people out there. I suddenly felt this overwhelming pity for everyone. When I have these bouts of depression, I become hyper-empathetic, so I guess it's that. I can't explain it. I'm not sure I even want that sort of relationship myself.

Can anyone relate to this, or am I f-ing losing it? It has taken me several days of exercise and healthy eating (and obviously not watching any more videos) to pull myself out of that awful state. Has anyone ever been triggered like that before? I clearly clicked on the right video at the right time (or wrong video at the wrong time). On another day I might have watched it and felt nothing. Certainly doesn't say much for my mental health🙄

[soupfiend]

Stay off the booze.

[frozendaisy]

You are craving human connection because being a human being that is what we are most successful at and whilst society can dictate a fair amount our basic animal nature is with others.

If you WFH, have shopping delivered, just have Netflix as company yes, you are likely to sink.

[TomeTome]

I think everyone has wept at a movie or a birthday ok or something poignant. What I think is slightly unusual is that you think that’s aberrant. It’s human to empathise with others. You said you felt you wanted more company and contact, I think this moment is just part of that.