I’m 40 this year and I feel lost. Could use some help please..

[CheeseSalads]

Obligatory name change disclaimer.

As the title says, 40 years old soon and totally lost. I really don’t know what to do.

Nowhere near where I want to be career wise. Im working on it, but will be mid 40s by the time I’m settled in a job I want to do and I’m worried I will be considered past it by then by peers etc. I’m scared of the future/working until my 70s/don’t fully understand pension situation.

My kids are needing me less and less and I’m finding that change so hard. One will be a teen soon and it feels like such hard work. I’m lost with how to parent a teen especially with phones/social media which we are now relenting on but it’s a battle to balance.

Parents need me more than ever, both quite serious illness/disabilities and I’m so fearful they won’t be here much longer.

Since last year, I have been missing periods or having bleeds in between. I’m currently on a 1.5 month with no period and feel absolutely rotten.

Large parts of the time I’m tearful or angry. I have lost who I am and I don’t know what to do about it. I went to my GP who had no solution except the coil but have heard awful things about it.

Is this what 40 is meant to be like? I’m really struggling to hold things together.

[DominiqueBernard]

Can you afford to see a psychologist?

Do you have the time and money to do something for you each week e.g. go swimming or to the cinema one evening, something that would bring you pleasure?

[RadRad]

You may be perimenopausal, which would impact your mood/emotions. You have listed a lot of responsibilities on your plate. Can you carve out some time for yourself and I also second some counceling.

[NcSpookyPG]

Same OP.

My eldest is 20 and I just feel lost. I feel scared all the time. Scared about the world, like, getting old, leaving my kids in this place. Pensions, DH dying etc

It feels like such a scary time

[Darklane]

I’m not trying to be trite, honestly, but what you describe, both of you, is the menopause for many of us. The anxiety side I found was the worst of it, far worse than any physical symptoms. All I can say in the hope of being of some little help at least is that it won’t always be like this. It won’t get worse, it gets better, honestly.
I’m much older than you & went through all the same worries & anxiety. It does get much, much better. Being old isn’t what you dread. All my friends are the same, far far happier than we ever were in middle age. Not much comfort for you at present I know. You need to concentrate on making things easier for yourself, your health & your , what’s the word I want? Peace of mind, happiness wherever you can find it even in the smallest things? Words all seems inadequate.
Your children will be fine, you will cherish their independence as they spread their wings, confident because of the love you’ve given them. They’ll become friends.
Parents growing old can be hard but you’ll cope. Please try not to fret so much, there is light at the end of your tunnel, honestly…..this too will pass. Take care.💐