Page 26 | As a guest, what's the stingiest thing you've ever experienced?

Marssuri · 2024-03-28T16:01:00+00:00

Just that! I'll start I invited friends for dinner at mine. I made traditional dishes from where I'm from, sausage rougail, chicken cari and dessert. A few days later they text me telling me to come to theirs for some food at dinner time. I show up and bring a small jar of chilli peppers. One of the people who invited me goes "is that all you're going to eat?". I was confused and asked what they meant. They replied "It's everyone brings their own food." I told them I thought they had invited me for dinner and they go "yes, we invited you to come to the house for dinner!". They saw my face and said "don't worry, we can share some food with you!" before cutting a couple of raw carrots, aubergines, cherry tomatoes with some white sauce and putting them in the middle of the table. They then served each other the meal they had made for themselves and digged in. *Note from MNHQ - we've had lots of nominations for this thread to be moved over to Mumsnet Classics and, as we're very generous hosts, we've done exactly this.*

Jo58 · 29/03/2024 17:19

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 16:14

Why do you accept? They sound like cheeky fuckers.

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Good question! None of us want the awkwardness of saying “Erm actually you do realise we spend probably several times more on the sides than you do on the main, in money and time?” Or even something more diplomatic! I know, I know - CFs should be called out… We do however always always try to insist on going out hoping they’d get the hint that way, even saying “Oh let’s go out and both have a clean kitchen and house after all the cooking. It’ll prob cost the same too.” But nope, strong hint not taken clearly. I hope the next time we’ll be asked to bring one dessert or something but still waiting for the penny to drop.

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 17:25

nunsflipflop · 28/03/2024 23:47

All of the family would come to our house for Christmas when I was younger. My DM catered for hundreds, everything you could ever want was there. She worked really hard all over the holiday. One side of the family always brought drink and extra gifts for her, and my grandfather would wash up for hours, the other side brought nothing. It used to really get to her. They used to ask what they should bring and she usually just said to bring a bottle. It never happened, or so we thought. One year my dad had been given a camcorder and for some reason he had filmed everyone piling into the house, and there as bold as brass was my uncle walking in with a bottle…..of milk!

When they were moving my mum had gone over to clean the house so that they could leave it spotless. My uncle mentioned going to get some lunch, my mum said she hadn’t brought her purse, genuinely, thought she was going over to clean. Everyone else sat down to fish and chips, while she hoovered the stairs!

Christmas got a lot smaller after that!

So glad she stopped inviting them! Did they ever ask why?

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 17:26

Jo58 · 29/03/2024 17:19

Good question! None of us want the awkwardness of saying “Erm actually you do realise we spend probably several times more on the sides than you do on the main, in money and time?” Or even something more diplomatic! I know, I know - CFs should be called out… We do however always always try to insist on going out hoping they’d get the hint that way, even saying “Oh let’s go out and both have a clean kitchen and house after all the cooking. It’ll prob cost the same too.” But nope, strong hint not taken clearly. I hope the next time we’ll be asked to bring one dessert or something but still waiting for the penny to drop.

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You’re a better person than me I would just say no thanks to the invitation!

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 17:28

Questions124 · 28/03/2024 23:57

I just remembered something when reading a similar post! My older sister had a baby and I went to see her, my BIL said when I got there “come with me as I need to go and get a few bits”. we went to Mothercare and he hinted he wanted me to buy the baby few bits n pieces (think baby monitor etc. so not cheap!) I pretended not to understand his hints. I was so angry for days after. They also think as we live in London we must be loaded.

Edited

So glad you didn’t pay!

Cantabulous · 29/03/2024 17:30

Long ago, as a student, I took a three hour train journey from my university city to my DB's house. I lost my wallet on the journey so had no money or cards to buy food, and I was starving. My (salaried) DB had a box of cupcakes in. He ate all 6 of them in front of me, but let me lick the cases for crumbs.

Many years later I took huge delight in letting him pay for a slapup meal in a restaurant for me, XH and three DC. I didn't offer to pay our share and he didn't ask. We're quits!

Jo58 · 29/03/2024 17:30

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 17:26

You’re a better person than me I would just say no thanks to the invitation!

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We’ve tried that too - not quite saying “No thanks” but we have said we’ve got plans more than once but they always insist on pinning a date down in the future when we don’t have any fictional plans.

godmum56 · 29/03/2024 17:32

Jo58 · 29/03/2024 17:30

We’ve tried that too - not quite saying “No thanks” but we have said we’ve got plans more than once but they always insist on pinning a date down in the future when we don’t have any fictional plans.

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Thats why no thanks is a better idea!

DoorPath · 29/03/2024 17:32

@EdithStourton Ah, I see! I had misunderstood, I thought you'd meant two whole potatoes each (but you meant one cut in half). I would normally do two full sized potatoes per person (so four halves each) and have some left over!

SevenSeasOfRhye · 29/03/2024 17:35

Poshjock · 29/03/2024 11:58

20 yrs ago worked in an office. 3 of the typists contributed to buy tea, milk, butter and bread and shared daily 10am tea and toast run. Realised in short time that others were helping themselves but not replacing the items used or taking a turn to buy things. They were the technical staff and earning over 3 times our typist wages. Luckily our brilliant supervisor mentioned it to the manager and he personally purchased a small tabletop fridge with a lock. We offered anyone to join in with the "tea fund" but only on of the technicians ever did. The rest weren't interested once they couldn't leach off the least paid staff members!

Reminds me - about ten years ago I worked in a huge office building, with multiple floors and different departments on each floor. For several weeks we had a random from a completely different floor wander in about 11am each day, walk round and help himself to any food that had been brought in for birthdays etc. then disappear.

It wasn't even the done thing to help yourself to a different team's cakes unless invited (people usually would invite you to have something if you went over to speak to their team, but you'd never just help yourself) so as you can imagine, he was not Mr Popular. There were mutterings about having a word with him - he eventually stopped so perhaps someone did!

Clarabell77 · 29/03/2024 17:37

ShirleyPhallus · 28/03/2024 16:02

People are so weird honestly

We went to a friends house with a bottle of wine, we all drank the wine and then when they said what else would I like to drink, I said more wine please and they replied they had none and I could have squash or milk. Like I’m an 8 year old.

Were you invited to the friends house or did you turn up?

AiryFlyingFairy · 29/03/2024 17:37

In Law had me around for elevenses today. She brought out a pot of tea & slices of cake. Lovely, but then cheerfully told me they were left over from Christmas & she wouldn't be having any as she's cutting down on sugar.
I was already eating a piece & tbh it tasted alright. But when I was leaving she thrust a box of chocolates & more cake at me already wrapped up to take home, again cheerfully admiting they were months out of date. I was
happy being asked around but
kinda spoilt it the way she seized the opportunity to offload all her stale cr@@ on me. They've gone in the food recycling waste.

Matronic6 · 29/03/2024 17:37

We had several of DH friends over for dinner and included one who is part of group but DH not really keen on. He arrived late, arrived just when we had decided to give up on him and serve. Plonked himself on table and served himself a huge portion first. Also got absurdly drunk as he downed the decent wine we had got to serve with meal. When we were done he brought out his own Tupperware, as he 'knew there would be leftovers' and packed it up.
Then took the bottle of wine he had brought as a gift back when he left.

When he cooked a month or two later he served a tiny portion of rice with barely seasoned chicken and we all got one glass each of wine, Blossom Hill. We ended up ordering pizza as we left so we could collect on way home. Then the next time they all met in the pub he said he didn't have to but a in a round as he'd had them all for dinner that week. DH hasn't bothered with him since.

Northernparent68 · 29/03/2024 17:38

MrsCapGarland · 28/03/2024 20:03

To be fair, I empty my bathroom before guests come and leave handsoap, loo roll and shower gel, because I assume they will want to use their own stuff and don’t want mine cluttering up the space.

You expect guests to bring their own toilet paper ?

Mayana1 · 29/03/2024 17:39

caffelattetogo · 28/03/2024 16:08

Went to inlaws overnight (at their insistence) while heavily pregnant. At dinner, they served me a half portion (apparently pregnant women have no space in their body for more food) and breakfast in the morning was half a bagel each. SILS pre-teen kids came round and were given a full, cooked breakfast (boys have big appetites, apparently). I had to stop on the way home for food. I've never stayed again.

That's actually funny, considering that elderly people still believe that a pregnant woman should 'eat for two.'

Clarabell77 · 29/03/2024 17:39

Being invited to a birthday party, took lots of gifts, cake brought out and happy birthday sung, cake put away for the second round of visitors who were coming that evening…

Northernparent68 · 29/03/2024 17:41

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 28/03/2024 18:20

We went to a bring-a-dish wedding last year. I was a bit 🤔 about this, but went with it anyway. The wedding was several hundred miles away, so we travelled the day before and joined the wedding party for a pub meal the previous evening, which guests were paying for. Hell, we even chipped in for the bride and groom's meals. All very nice. The pub was doing deal that you got a free bottle of wine with every 2 main courses ordered, and was happy to provide this as a takeout. We were looking forward to having it in the hotel when we got back (we'd had to drive to the pub, it was beautifully in the middle of nowhere). As we were leaving, the bride wrenched the free wine out of my hands and said "that's for the wedding tomorrow".

If the happy couple had paid for the meal, or their wedding breakfast; if they'd suggested that donating the wine might have been a nice gesture, if I hadn't driven 300 miles to be there, if they were actually skint (they're really not), if they didn't spend the next next day droning on about Christian values of love and generosity, if she'd asked me nicely if she could have my wine.... maybe I wouldn't have minded, but actually taking my wine out of my hands struck me as being very tight indeed. And relying on "free" wine for your wedding reception.

Did you take it back

godmum56 · 29/03/2024 17:42

DoraSpenlow · 29/03/2024 15:44

I am very fond of DHs brother and his wife but my God they are the laziest, tightest people I know.

We live about 4 hours from them in a holiday area and when their son was little they would often come in the summer as they said they couldn't afford to go away. Fair enough. But, if they were here over a weekend they never got up until about 11.00 and we ended up having to entertain a toddler and give him some breakfast.

The last time they came they asked if a friend of our nephew (about 13 by then) could come as company for him. No problem. So we had four people for 5 days. Not once did anyone offer to help with food prep or clearing up (because they were on holiday, although SIL didn't work). We were both working about 48 hours a weeks at the time and were knackered. We went out all together twice to eat and we ended up paying for it all. They arrived without so much as a box of chocs or a bunch of garage flowers. We paid for all the food and drink consumed at home.

These days they don't come as SIL won't leave her elderly dog but we have stayed with them overnight a couple of times as all the rest of our family live in the same area. DH is coeliac so she always asks if we can bring his bread/food as "as GF is so expensive and she doesn't understand it!!". We always take them out for a meal as a thank you and I take flowers. Last time nephew and his girlfriend asked if they could come as well so BIL amazingly said we should split the bill. Bearing in mind we would have paid a share of nephew's and girlfriend's meals SIL whispered to BIL that we should pay more because I had a glass of wine and she only had a soft drink!

Later, when we went to bed I noticed that a bit of silver paper I had dropped on a previous visit, 9 months before, was still on the carpet. Next morning I said how comfortable the bed was. She brazenly said that her sister had stayed the week before and she hoped we didn't mind but as her sister had showered before she went to bed she didn't think the sheets needed changing!

So, no housework done, we bought DH's food with us and all they had to supply me with was one cheese roll for tea, no cake or anything, because we were taking them out to lunch. When we left at 11.30 the following morning she still wasn't up.

When I think of all the meals I've cooked and effort I've gone to for them over the years and the meals out we have bought for them, to be rewarded with a cheese roll. I think next time we go, for the sake of my blood pressure,I would rather stay in an hotel.

PS, they are not hard up at all these days.

So why are you fond of the manky skinflints?

Pr1mr0se · 29/03/2024 17:42

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 28/03/2024 17:31

Took a bottle of champagne round to a new year's party (just a few friends, not a huge bash). Never saw it again, a bottle of Tesco prosecco came out for midnight toast!
Also remember a house mate who would order a double whisky when it was somebody else's round, and get himself half a lager when it was his. He was the highest earner in the house too. Tight git!

My in-laws did this one new years. Never again.

Nevermindtheteacaps · 29/03/2024 17:43

Worriedaboutrapecourts · 28/03/2024 17:45

I wasn't the guest but the host, unfortunately. My then husband's girlfriend was visiting, again. If she ever brought anything it was just for the two of them. One time she was heading off elsewhere and asked to borrow a bottle of wine to take to the hosts. She was given a bottle, that I had paid for. After about another six visits she eventually brought back a much cheaper bottle of wine which she promptly opened and started to drink.

This is the woman who had been shopping with my husband and when they got back she opened the tin of spread she'd bought and scooped some out on her finger, licked it then proceeded to wipe the rest on the hand towel. She really was a skank, or should I say skunk, attempting to mark her territory.

@Worriedaboutrapecourts

I'm sorry why were you hosting your husband's girlfriend? Were you poly?

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 17:46

Minimili · 29/03/2024 05:16

I’ve loved reading all of these and glad it’s not just me that’s encountered stinginess.

My best friend in my teens used to regularly come and stay over on a weekend, my parents would pay for a takeaway and we had a cooked breakfast.
When I stayed at her house her mother had put locks on the fridge and cupboards and left out a few slices of bread, 2 tins of beans, some margarine, a small supermarket pizza and a bottle of supermarket orange squash she’d already filled with water and diluted.
Her mum went to bed at 8pm and we had to make no noise, my friend used to panic if I used the toilet and hinted I wee in the garden.
The sad thing is we are still friends and she now has the same attitude when her kids friends are staying. I saw some supermarket pizzas and beans on the worktop with I last visited and jokingly said “it’s like when I stayed at your house when I was 15!”. She nodded and said “yeah the kids have friends staying, so maybe it’s hereditary?

My sister always said how skint she was so I regularly took her out for nice meals, spent a fortune on her and her kids at Christmas because I had no kids and lent her money she “forgot” to pay back constantly.
One year instead of our parents hosting she decided she’d host Christmas Day, I offered to help but she completely refused.
Me and DP turned up with bags of gifts and 6 bottles of champagne and a cheeseboard. She whisked the champagne away and got out 2 bottles of cava and for 8 people and we had a single slice of turkey, one roast potato, one stuffing ball and a mini Yorkshire pudding.
She insisted as she’d cooked that me and my mum wash up then brought out an Asda smart price tiny Christmas pudding that was lukewarm for 8 of us… we never saw the champagne or cheeseboard again.
At 6.30pm she said she was exhausted from the effort of cooking (most of the food was aunt Bessie’s) and heavily hinted she was tired and we should leave, we’d all cancelled evening plans but left feeling awkward. As we were leaving she said she’d spent a fortune on Christmas and wanted £20 from me, DP and EACH of my parents.
I got a £10 book voucher, my parents got nothing and DP got a chocolate orange. My parents had bought all her kids gifts totalling £500 and given her and BIL £200.
I later found out she bought her best friend and her kids gifts worth £150 and spent £50 just on Christmas tree baubles so family were just not important enough. She got a box of Thorntons chocolates back from her best friend and £10 each for her two kids.
We did go back to my parents house though and have a lovely buffet and lots of drinks so it wasn’t a total washout, me and DP didn’t pay £20 each but sadly my mum and dad did.

My best friend is very very well off, I have always struggled for money. We generally go 50/50 if we eat out or do anything. Once we went shopping together and I was 10p short at the checkout, she offered it grudgingly.
About a week later we went for a drink and both bought our own, she then said “don’t forget you owe me 10p” I thought she was joking and laughed but then she said “count the pennies and they make pounds”
We are still best friends but that’s just the way she is, she lives as though she’s on the poverty line and expects nothing back from anyone so I just accept her stinginess.

For anyone doubting these stories I’m just amazed they haven’t experienced it, there are a lot of tight people!

DP is from a culture where you feed everyone and guests are treated like royalty and everyone in the vicinity gets fed. I did have to stop him offering up our food and takeaways to the neighbours though! After a buffet he’d bring any leftover food home and knock on doors giving out vol au vents, sandwiches and portions of pasta and rice salad. When anyone is popping round even for a few minutes he lays out a huge spread. I’d rather that then him be tight though.

Wow, I hope you and your parents started treating sister the same way she treats you? What a tight twat.

DelilahJane · 29/03/2024 17:50

Justleaveitblankthen · 29/03/2024 06:09

@DelilaDelilahJane
Wow! So you took around desserts and because she 'was stuffed' (wanted them all by herself) she declares she won't be serving them?? 😧
The worst for me on this thread so far is the horrible husband moaning about the teabags. I wouldn't ever have graced his door to babysit his children again 🤬

We brought the chocolate log and cheesecake M&S do at Christmas time along with custard and ice-cream.

When I asked for dessert she tried to fob me off and say having a cup of tea would fill me up instead. When DH plated us both up a bit of everything, she kept tutting and saying they were ruined now, they were out of the box. So I assume she was intending on taking them elsewhere.

For context, for those that don't believe such stingyness exists. MIL never cooked when DH was growing up nor was there any food in the house. FIL and MIL just ordered things in when they where hungry, the kids where an afterthought. There was never any set meal times and DH was often hungry. He spent most of his time in his GPs house.

Because of this, we were very bemused when she decided to play hostess.

80skid · 29/03/2024 17:50

A family member comes to my house extremely regularly with their kids at tea time. They know where DH's beer lives and are offered but will also help themselves. Their kids are fed. No return invitations ever and always arrive empty handed. One time they arrived with an extra adult without asking/informing ahead, who they offered DH's beer to without asking. No thanks or gratitude. On one occasion, they were coming when not expected and DH said he didn't have enough beer to offer them so could they bring some with them. They had the cash from DH to cover the cost.

ABwithAnItch · 29/03/2024 17:50

Lebr · 29/03/2024 08:34

God, I've got so many.

Invited to lunch. Which was a 4-egg omelette. Split between 4. No bread, no side-dishes. Just a quarter of a 4-egg omelette per person. i.e. an egg. We went to KFC on the way home.

Went to stay with a friend at the other end of the UK for the weekend. She made toast one morning for breakfast. For every other meal, she contrived that we were either too far from her flat to eat there or disappeared around meal times for hours so that we eventually broke and went to a cafe, after which she'd magically reappear.

Christmas day - me and DP guests in my parents house. we split a bottle of wine between 4 over christmas dinner. my father goes to get a 2nd bottle of wine and my mother says "you're not going to open another one?!." So he didn't, and that was it. Christmas over at 3pm. It was the last time we spent Christmas there, and hell will freeze over before we do it again.

I’m dying over a 4-egg omelette 😂😂😊 WTF

SOxon · 29/03/2024 17:50

one piece of advice I was offered YEARS ago, was, when invited to a bbq (especially) wedding reception, out for dinner, whatever, depending on the time
of day, ‘have a stout breakfast, lunch, tea, who knows when you will next eat’

Worriedaboutrapecourts · 29/03/2024 17:51

Nevermindtheteacaps · 29/03/2024 17:43

@Worriedaboutrapecourts

I'm sorry why were you hosting your husband's girlfriend? Were you poly?

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No. I just didn't have any choice. No matter how often I said I wasn't happy with their relationship I was just told "you're my wife!" and he'd punish me later for having the audacity to have an opinion. Or tell me I needed to "see a fucking shrink". Even when he was leaving me to go and live with her it was only because he "had feelings for her". It's fucking laughable. It was fucking laughable then but it was my life.

...which is a whole lot better now, BTW 😀

As a guest, what's the stingiest thing you've ever experienced?

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