I am very lonely and I'm not sure what to do about it.

[BentFork]

I come from a very abusive family so I walked away and cut ties with them. Having had an abusive childhood and knowing no better, I was an emotionally unavailable mother at times. My adult dc are super-low contact with me. To top this off, I got divorced because my ex is gay and he told me he didn't love me and never had. Our dc still don't know about this and blame me. So here I am in middle life with no family of origin, no partner and rarely seen dc. I have had lots of therapy to heal my childhood trauma but I don't know what to do next to rebuild my life. I have to wait until my dc are ready to engage before we can build a new relationship. I can never rebuild my birth family so that's gone. And I've no idea how long it'll be, if ever, before I find a new partner. I have a few friends but not many, I can't seem to find my tribe. I have no spare money for hobbies/activities. What can I do to improve my life?

Sorry to hear that. Sounds incredibly tough. Have you explained to your children that your awful past affected your parenting?

I think that you have been brave to get counselling, I’m so sorry about your childhood.
I agree that it might be a good idea to contact your children and start telling them the truth.

My dc know the truth about my childhood but not about their df. His cultural society forbids homosexuality, so he'll never come out about it. And if I were to tell my dc, my ex would deny it but also be so wounded the dc would hate me for exposing him. I don't want to expose him, that's for him to decide. I've made a point to never speak badly of him, so the dc can make their own choices.