Woke up 8-10 times last night sweating in a blind panic; I have a diagnosis of cptsd.
In r/l I’m dealing with a) a police investigation around a sexual assault a few years ago, b) my mum having young onset dementia and c) I’ve just been offered a new job which is great, it’s my dream job and I’ve worked really, really hard but it’s going to involve a big move (about 170 miles).
The police mentioned doing an identify thing looking at photos which has worried me a lot. They asked if I could remember the man who assaulted me and I can’t block his face out.
I’ve also got a pelvic infection so on a couple of antibiotics and codeine, and anti sickness.
Dreams were mainly my mum, I dreamt I kept trying to call her but couldn’t remember the number and couldn’t reach her. Then I woke up, fell back asleep and dreamt I was at her GP surgery but she was being violent - she was like that for a bit when she was first diagnosed, tried to push me down a flight of stairs at one point.
Then fell back asleep again - back to not being able to talk to mum and (in my dream) sobbing that I’d never be able to talk to her again. Which isn’t untrue, I can talk to her but she can’t speak back really - she stopped talking over a year ago and most of the time when you visit she doesn’t even track you with her eyes.
I’m having therapy just now which is churning things up a bit but I haven’t had dreams like that in ages and I’m terrified of going to sleep tonight, if it happens again.
I have got support in real life but I feel like I should be celebrating getting my job when in reality all I want just now is a cuddle from my mum.