Questions about autism

[Angelbunny]

Today I had a meeting with my manager to discuss changing my rota to fit around appointments for dd. Dd is waiting for a autism assessment and also sees a Psychologist weekly with CAMHS.

My manager asked me if her autism is genetic (I definitely felt she was asking if I was in a round about way) and also asked if my son was 'normal' or also showing traits of autism. I just wanted to see if anyone else agrees these comments were inappropriate? I think it's clear she sees autism as a problem?

Woah. That is way over the line. I would honestly raise a grievance about that. Just not acceptable from any angle.

In a world full of misinformation and nonsense attitudes re autism, that has genuinely shocked me.

Does this manager have form for being dickish? So very unprofessional to ask any one of those things.

Well for a start, I would certainly point out that the correct terminology is 'neuro-typical', not 'normal'.

I was completely shocked and felt uncomfortable when she asked but also at the same time I feel like I need to keep her on side as I need the flexibility.
She definitely has form, she's new and the whole department feels quite toxic at the moment with very unhappy staff because of her.

Oh god what a nightmare. She doesn't sound at all suitable to be line managing anyone (or anything).

Can you formalise your need for flexibility directly with HR?

Not really, we provide a service that people book. I work 3 long days and 2 short days, I have basically asked to swap one of the long days to short day and a short day to a long day and she is able to authorise depending on bookings. I don't need this at short notice it is just until summer holidays but I don't know what the circumstances will be in September so need her on my side, so feel I can't complain and just have to accept her being offensive.

The thing is, there is a genetic link with autism (speaking as the parent of a recently diagnosed DD I have looked back on my own childhood and thought ‘ah ha!’ A few times). That’s not to say that you definitely are autistic, but that you might be and it might be worth thinking about for your own sake.

however, he should not have asked you, and he should be made aware that the term is ‘neuro typical’ not ‘normal’.

Yes I agree there is a genetic link but I don't think it was appropriate to ask. We have a professional relationship and haven't known each other long, we are not friends. I would have disclosed it already if I wanted to discuss it. I'm not diagnosed as it happens but suspect I probably am, however, it does not affect my ability to do my job and there's no reason for her to think so either. I have just had my appraisal and been awarded a bonus and pay rise and have previously been promoted to the highest grade in my department. There is no reason for her as my manager to suggest I am autistic.