Awkward school mum situation

[SpanishTale]

Oh man. Why me lol

Long story short. Our kids are young. Only been in school 18 months. They were friendly at first but now my child has branched off and has stronger friendships with others. This boys mum has a habit of over texting and being quite pushy. She's a nice person but it's too much.
At the end of last year this child and mine had a scuffle. She wasn't happy and phoned me to tell me the over exaggerated injuries her child had. I apologised but explained my child was with his dad so I didn't know the details but his dad has dealt with it. After this the next couple of days she bombarded me with texts so I decided to take a step back
Tonight my child told me this child told him he isn't his friend as I don't ring his mum. Obviously he's overheard something.
Awkward ?

He's said "why don't I play at so and so's or have him over anymore?" And his mum has said "because his mum never texts me" ...
Not big or clever and sounds a bit neurotic.

I'd tell your son he can be friends with anyone, even if you don't text their mums, because that's the idea is them being his friends whilst your friends are yours, and he doesn't need to text or befriend their children, both of you however do need to be polite to the relatives of each others friends.

Yeah she's neurotic and odd but other mums invite her out so not much I can do.

It is an issue for the OP. She wants help navigating it.

OP what I would do is to ignore this mum’s texts. She is clearly a difficult individual if she bombards you so she’s best left alone. Soon she’ll find someone else to beef with. I can see this is difficult for you as a soft people pleaser - but in the nicest possible way, cut that shit out now and you will be thankful in the future.

Tell your child not to worry about anything that the other child says to him and to just get on playing with whoever he wants.

Yep, as a fellow people pleaser I would say to start ignoring texts and saying no and use this as an exercise that you won't put up with other people's shit. I find it quite bizarre when parents overly meddle in kid's disputes, in schools they fall out and then are best friends multiple times over the day so it would be bonkers if school staff got as involved as some parents seem to. Children are just learning how to have relationships and they can do without over anxious parents picking apart every detail.
Push yourself to step back and trust what you are doing.

She sounds like one of the mum's at DD's school whose deranged and intense behaviour has alienated most of the parents in the class now. Her first initial isn't 'L' is it? My advice is to just ignore, maybe even block and thank the gods that you have had a narrow escape!

No she's not an L initial.
I just can't be bothered with any aggro

She sounds hard work. I learnt over the years keep to hello as you years stuck with these daily!!! Or block her number

Why don't you just tell her you have to work assuming you don't currently have a job outside the home and therefore may be at her beck and call ? Make something up? Self employed proof reader; virtual PA services; carer duties for imaginary grandparent; volunteering; food critic; mystery shopper.. the world's your oyster !

That's just silly. You're a 'school mum'. Anyone female with a child of school age is a 'school mum', they're not a separate, evil sub-species.

This isn't worth a second thought. If the scuffle, as I assume, took place at school, then school deals with it.

Sounds like she's worried about her DC and your DC has possibly been a bit mean?

I'm sure if she posted herself, the replies would be quite different.

You can do nothing other than be polite and pleasant.

Unless your bothered about having a friendship with her I’d consider that a victory

Her child tries to fight my child on the regular. Unfortunately her child can do no wrong.

Oh for Petes sake just tell her No because her child is not a friend of yours!

Tell the truth and to hell with it. Life's too short.

I'm exactly the same. I do not mix with the mums. My life is kept absolutely private. I've heard far to many of these mums discussing other mums buisness like a gossip page, to know to keep myself to myself. It also causes problems for the kids and the adults if arguments ensue.

I think some people just find it hard to feel uncomfortable and because of this they push past their own limits to try to make that go away. They would rather end up doing anything even if it’s detrimental to themselves to make that feeling less.

but

actually you need to lean into the uncomfortable! Almost always you come out the other end feeling stronger and not constantly put upon or stressed because you are squashing your feelings hoping that nature will provide a solution eventually.

if you just feel it and stand strong the uncomfortablness will pass and each time you do it it will become easier.

I know though that it can feel like torture in the beginning though

Don’t meet her, there is absolutely nothing in it for you giving her an opportunity it’s to voice her grievances. Let school deal with what happens in school (unless they ask you to get involved). Reiterate the “not everyone can be friends but we can be kind” mantra to your son and try and forget about it.

Even better, now your son can concentrate on the stronger friendships he has made and this woman will have no reason to ring you, therefore block her number.