Do you think your children are having a more or less fun childhood?

[Ozgirl75]

I was just pondering this today after reading a book. My kids are so loved, they go to a great school where they do a lot of fun extra curricular (music, sport, debating, choir, art class), they have nice friends, we go on holiday, we do outings at weekends, go out for lunch now and then, go to the beach, spend time outside etc. They seem to have a very happy time of things and are generally lovely kids.

I grew up in the 1980s and had a great childhood too. Only child of loving parents, also a few clubs (Guides, ballet) and spent 90% of my free time playing out with my neighbours, in that unsupervised 80s way. We lived in deep Sussex countryside, very safe, went off on bikes, played in streams and it was just FUN.

My kids OTOH never really play out (they’re 11 and 13). I would let them - we also live in a safe, family area, but basically no one else plays out. They are also quite busy with homework and clubs but I just wonder if they’re going to look back on their childhood and think “was it fun?” I mean, it’s safe, it’s lovely but there isn’t a lot of unsupervised excitement. Maybe it doesn’t matter because they have no frame of reference! I guess I just have this stack of fun memories of childhood and I wonder what my kids will have.

Same here! My dd 13 has never wanted to just hang out with friends. She says her friends are phone obsessed and she only has one friend who plays out.

I think she is absolutely happy though tbh. It’s just what they are used to isn’t it.

It’s so weird - we live in easy access of a safe town where I would be totally happy for my 13 year old to hang out and catch up with friends but he basically NEVER wants to. He’ll go to friends houses but I never wanted to be at home at that age, I saw this world that I wanted to be part of. He’s content and happy, he’s not mouldering in his room, but I don’t get it.

We were recently in the U.K. (we live in Aus) and for the first time he was saying “in a few years I could come travelling here by myself” and I thought “yes but you’re not even bothered about going into town, what would get you onto a plane to Europe?”

Definitely less fun. Child and teen mental health on its knees! Social media just makes them all feel so inadequate, I think it’s really sad. I’ve been a secondary school teacher for the last 15 years and during that time have just seen the demise of being ‘carefree’, there’s always been kids that have struggled and seemed of low mood but the numbers now are just huge.

I’m sure your kids have a lovely lovely life and plenty to do, but I do worry about the kids whose parents just can’t or don’t care about giving them that rounded, fulfilling life. I was really shocked how few of the kids at my school had never been to a local free massive tourist destination near our school.

Excessive screen time and social media use are just such a worry to me for these kids. On a Monday morning once my ‘screen time notification’ came up and I mentioned to my class that it was so high that week and I needed to do something about it. I told them it was 4hr 55mins and they all laughed. For the most part there’s was about 9 hours. Appalled at this I then asked other kids throughout my days teaching and they said the same. And that’s not taking into account the time on iPads and Xbox live etc.

Long and rambling reply from me but basically I think childhood is not as fun as it used to be. And also that if you don’t have parents who have the time, money or intentions to ensure you have fun and fulfilling life experiences (including just going for a walk or playing games) then childhood defaults to screens. Lonely and depressing.

We had very very little growing up, but did spend all free time playing cops and robbers, bulldogs and quick cricket. I look back on my childhood so fondly despite the fact that material things were non existent and my dad declared us ‘on an economy drive’ pretty much every day! Also worth noting our ‘cultural capital’ was non existent…maybe we’d have ended up on screens if they were a thing!

I’m sure I would have reverted to screens if I’d had them as a child. Although I spent so much time playing out, also some of my fondest memories in the holidays are going to the library with my mum, picking up a stack of books then hulking the comfy chair over to the radiator so I could put my feet up on it, and just reading all afternoon.

I do think mine have a great childhood - in lots of ways way more “rounded” than mine. I take them to loads of cultural things and Aus is a brilliant place to grow up. But it’s not super exciting I don’t think.

I was listening to a thing on the radio yesterday saying that the downturn in child mental health can be specifically attributed to the rise of smart phones in 2013.

Mine do have screens and it’s their definite default if they aren’t encouraged to do something else.

If I was bored as a child, my “defaults” were my next door neighbour, a book, practising shooting netball goals or rolling a ball onto the roof and catching it.

I think it’s also that parents will have also been less distracted so probably would have indulged their laughing baby in 30 mins of peekaboo rather than 1 minutes worth just so they can get a video for social media. I don’t think a lot of parents are that intentional with the time they spend with their young children.

Kirsty Allsop got a bit of backlash for saying nothing sadder than seeing a small child in a pushchair with a tablet but I fully agree.

I also think ten years ago if you liked Twirlywoos then kids would have watched it when it was on once a day, now they can sit and watch it again and again on on demand TV. I feel guilty when I get distracted by my phone when I’m with my 7month old but there will be parents who just don’t give it a second thought.

So very little playtime with other kids and very little doing it with parents! And this is where we get in to the behaviour crisis that’s exploded in primary schools!!

They have as much fun but more have serious problems regarding just living a life they can feel content with - not bored, not bullied and not feeling undervalued or unskilled.

Self esteem has taken a big hit.
Smart phones leave little room for kids to experience discovery.
Both parents working long hours leaves fewer hours that are not organised for accidental adventures, adaptability and surprising talents coming to the fore.
The space to explore in silence has diminished.

Yes I agree and it’s like “monkey see monkey do” - if they see their parents on screens all the time, they’ll do that too.

I agree. I feel that I used to spend ages as a child just milling about in the garden, or in my room just thinking about things, pretending to be Anne Shirley in my head etc.

I remember lots of playing out, bike rides, roller skating, pogo stick.

Rainy days were board games, read, play family, listening to records.

And tv after school and Saturday mornings.

My kids never really played out, they love to read. Board games and toys they always wanted adult interaction. And of course devices.

Do you have a link to the radio programme please @Ozgirl75 ?

I think children these days have no opportunities to be bored. Smartphones have given rise to immediate entertainment. Like all of us in the 80s, I spent so much time under 10 outside exploring and having fun with friends.

I used to spend hours building Lego towns, train tracks, making up dances, completing jigsaws with my own children when they were little. Who knows if I'd do the same now? I really don't know how good a parent I'd be these days, as I find my phone too absorbing.

I think the rise in house prices has also played a part. Both parents needing to work full time just to pay the bills means parents can struggle to be present for their child in their down time. And there's so many more things to "do" now, else your child is seen to be missing out.

I don't think I'm wearing rose tinted glasses when I say childhood was preferable pre smart phones imo.

@Globules it was a guest on the radio 4 today show on Monday, about 8am I reckon. I was listening to it on catch up so not sure of the time.

I’m glad I didn’t have a smart phone when my kids were small, I know I would have been drawn to it too. I also agree re house prices. Interestingly I remember my mum saying when I was young (so probably in the 80s or 90s) “it is so good that women can choose to work now, but by the time you’re an adult you’ll probably have to as the banks will expect women to work and you’ll need two salaries to buy a house”

My kids got tablets earlier than they would have done normally as they were 7 and 9 when covid happened. They got a tablet at 8 and 10, we had a long lockdown here in Aus and it was the only way for them to keep in touch with their friends. It was brilliant for that - hearing my 8 year old perk up, laughing with his friends while they played Minecraft was briliiant, but once that Pandora’s box was opened, it was impossible to close it. If I had younger children now I wouldn’t give them a screen but the problem now (acknowledged by the man on the radio) was that unless EVERYONE holds off, your child ends up being left out as all their socialising is done online.

its like playing out - I would be happy for mine to, but there’s no one else out! But I wonder how many other mums are thinking the same…

This is a great question. I spent a lot of time playing out. Building dens, riding my bike, bouncing a tennis ball against the wall....
My kids don't really do that. My eldest has just turned 13 though and he is starting to a little more. My ExH bought him a fishing rod for Xmas (my initial reaction was WTF have you bought him that for) and he's been out a few times with a friend to go and sit at the local canal. They feed off their peers and I don't think it's usual now for them to play out. The friend he goes with is a bit of an oddity in their group for being "outdoorsy".
My DD I think is too young to play out but wouldn't want to anyway. Would be happy to go to the local shopping centre with her friends though with me.

My kids never get bored. There's always a new game or TV or a friend to message. I went out because I was bored at home. So it's all down to the electronics. Plus, they speak to their friends on gaming devices, on messenger. Whereas I had to go out to see mine. Or risk ringing a friend and having their parents answer 😳 So I never did. I just went out and played with neighbours kids. We have kids living a few doors up. I don't even know what their names are and I don't think my kids even know they exist.

My son definitely has a harder time than I did. We're both now diagnosed ASD but he is much worse than I was at this age, and I don't know why, and it does worry me. He particularly struggles with food intolerance, which started at 5 months, and is nothing to do with screens.

I'm pretty certain that there is something environmental driving the uptick in ASD health problems and I wish I knew what it was.

The behavioral knock-on effects of the ASD problems have also driven us to use screens to keep DS calm more than we should and that has been bad too.

School had been just terrible for years, and the lack of access to adequate health care has made it very hard for me to provide any kind of proper fun for him outside of school.

I really feel quite appalled at how childhood is for kids in the UK right now.

We had a lovely school senco, but she moved to Australia! Maybe that's where we should be?

I think Ds has a lot more fun that I did at his age. We barely left our block growing up, until I went to a grammar school in the next city which required a long bus trip each way daily. People used to react as if I was going to the moon.

I was bored a lot, and don’t remember doing anything active outside either like biking or swimming, just sat around grimy streets eating sweets. Our garden was a mess so couldn’t ever use.

Ds is only young. He watches tv and I don’t think it’s detrimental at all. He’s taken places, and outside a lot, with tv as and when. Growing up we watched tv morning until night often in school holidays, so way way more tv, even though things like iPads or smart phones didn’t exist. Ds is a lot more involved in our day to day life, he’s taken with us everywhere and to both regular places like the park or supermarket and well as new ‘fun’ places

My DC have had a much more secure and safe childhood than me. I went to multiple schools, lived in multiple houses and countries. DD has almost finished secondary school and I’ve achieved my goal of them going to one primary and one secondary only.

My parents got divorced, my dad had serious MH issues and we struggled for money. My DC haven’t experienced any of this.

I played out all day aged 8-10, went to see gigs in London aged 15 with friends and missed the last train home, experimented with drugs and wrote off cars. My DC haven’t done any of this. So less “freedom”.

I don’t see my childhood with rose tinted glasses - some bits were great but lots was shit and really fucking dangerous.

Definitely more fun.

I grew up with very little. We never went anywhere or did anything. Despite living in the south, at 18 I'd never been to London, or abroad. We weren't allowed to do any clubs or have any friends home. We were isolated from our peers. I couldn't leave home fast enough.

My ds has swimming and karate. He's at an indie where he goes on all the school trips, foreign exchange trips, skiing. He cycles and does archery, goes to the gym and chats to his friends on-line. We get on well. He's doing ok at school, on track for decent GCSEs in the summer. Nothing bad so far.

My experience is very different! I don't live in town, and I always feel guilty for my kids that all the town kids seem to be out messing around together all the time, and my kids aren't part of that.

Also, in the 80s/90s I didn't play out at all. I had two friends that were walking distance (I didn't go to the local school) so I walked to their houses sometimes, but there wasn't a culture of loads of kids just kicking about together. I literally only knew the kids I went to school with.

Ozgirl75
If I was bored as a child, my “defaults” were my next door neighbour, a book, practising shooting netball goals or rolling a ball onto the roof and catching it.
Exact same here although I had no friends as a child and home was my refuge but I enjoyed doing all those things you described along with craft sets, playing with the dog. I was also mad into horses.

I personally think my kids have a very ‘meh’ existence- they’re not into sports so don’t do much outside of swimming. My life is trying to get them off screens. At the weekend we go on a lot of hikes and shove a lot of board games jigsaws, chasing, football etc onto them but they’re literally forced to do it, I wish they’d do what I’d have done as a child and sometimes I dream of just smashing the router and all their devices. Saying that I think when they grow up they will talk about the things we do/ hide and seek at night with a torch, games of poker and board games etc, plus they’ll still be raving about the video games they played😅

I'm the same, I used to spend hours playing out, you knew when the street lights came on it was time to go home. Barely any technology bar a Nokia 3330.
Nowadays kids are exposed to all sorts on social media and glued to their phones. I try get my kids out walking as much as possible, they go to clubs too but they don't spend as much time outside as I used to mainly because they're friends don't.

Probably a bit less fun tbh. I was always playing out on the street and having adventures with all the other kids locally.

My kids don't play out in the same manner but DD17 loves going into the countryside with friends and will stay out all day and has done since around covid times.

DS11 is less sensible than his sister so he doesn't do this as yet, but perhaps will as he gets older.

I think much less fun, the bullying that goes on in schools now would never have been tolerated when I was young. Also no kids had eating disorders or were chest binding. My own child has had to talk to friends who were suicidal while still in primary school. At the time I thought it was just kiddie drama so rolled my eyes but after having more time recently to talk it over I could see that her friends were really suffering and there was zero support or interventions for them in our cushy middle class school. I assumed teachers and social workers would have been rushing in, like they would have in my school years, but there was nothing.

My child is very mindful of not making herself a target for bullying, she doesn’t want to be associated with any less popular kids and has moulded a very generic image for herself to avoid being noticed. It’s sad. I know that things will improve and schools will undergo some massive shakeups, but it breaks my heart to see how much misery has played out under our noses.