My DDs not entitled to answers because she’s too well behaved and I'm failing her not getting answers

[ASystemNotDesignedForHer]

DD is 9 almost 10.

She has SN, what exactly I don’t know but I suspect dyslexia and/or other cognitive difficulties. She was on an individual learning plan in Years 1 and 2 but taken off it at the end of Year 2. I applied for an EHCP but didn’t have the schools backing so still battling to get one. She has the reading age of a 6 year old, can hardly spell and her handwriting is atrocious but school won’t admit it and say she’s fine which is making the EHCP battle even harder. School say because she behaves well, and basically tries her best she won’t get an EHCP or if she does it’ll be an unfunded one so basically not worth what its written on. They will not put her back on an ILP/IEP as they say she doesn't need one as they're for poor behaviour only.

Similarly there’s a genetic condition in her dads family (my ExH). Ex-MIL has it and ExH suspects he’s a carrier as DD has all the symptoms but we can’t get tested for it on the NHS as her behaviour and general well being is good – so she’s not entitled to know if it might have a future impact on her health until she gets to the point that it’s affecting her health, she’s not allowed to know if she has the condition so she can make decisions when she’s old enough to want her own children, she’s not allowed to know why she struggles so much. If she has the condition it will also explain the SN so would help with that but NHS keeps saying no to testing until it’s “absolutely necessary”. If she had the testing she could be put on preventitive treatments which in the long run are cheaper for the NHS as they don't totally mean her health won't fail but make it much less likely, Ex-MILs been on the treatment 15 years and had 2 flair ups in that time, pre-treatment she had a flair up every 8-12 months.

I can’t afford private being a single parent and I can’t get private dyslexia testing without schools input who fill the forms in with “no issues” and “testing not in the childs interests” so they wouldn’t go ahead, and I wasted £90 just on that initial consultation to try and get her tested (they had funding you could apply for if they went ahead with testing/diagnostics but it did need schools backing).

I am fed up of fighting a system that’s not designed for a child with mild needs with no behaviour issues. If she finds something hard she just doesn’t do it, and that’s allowed because she’s not causing a disruption. She’d not disrupt even if I told her to, she’d rather sink away and hide, her confidence is on the floor and I am so worried about her going to High School with a reading age 4 years below hers and no support at all in place. The high schools I’ve spoken to all say the same “if school don’t think she needs an EHCP she won’t get one”.

I feel like I’m failing my DD by not fighting for her, but I don’t know where else to turn. My PALs complaint came back with “the criteria for diagnosis is strict because resources are limited, your child not be seen unless there is a need for them to be”. So that’s it I have to give up fighting, and hope I can save what little I have an it be enough for private testing.

This. It isn’t uncommon for schools to incorrectly tell parents their DC doesn’t have SEN/doesn’t need SEP to be made/doesn’t need or won’t get an EHCP. Some schools say some DC are ‘fine’ in school when they are anything but ‘fine’.

Schools def have no idea.
Dc1 school thought she was ok. Ed psych not so much.

In ops case the school are seeing dc very far behind. But its unclear why the dc is so far behind, could be sen, could be partly that the dad wont do any homework

There are SO many people on this thread who cannot comprehend how SHIT some fathers are, who don't understand how UNSUPPORTIVE some schools are, and how if someone doesn't have any money, who lives week to week for money, then suggesting something that costs £700, well you might as well suggest that they take a trip to the moon.

@pitchfever

It takes schools a massive amount of time to apply for EHCPs not least ad they have to submit evidence of all the interventions etc that have already been done.

In addition, there is an expectation (or was, I'm not in education any more) that the first 6000 of funding towards EHCP support/intervention is met from the schools general budget.

There is a lot less of that general budget than there used to be.

This shows such a lack of understanding of the how the SEN system works. It is not uncommon for schools to incorrectly tell parents their DC doesn’t need or won’t get an EHCP but for parents to go on to successfully request an EHCNA themselves.

Some schools are reluctant to support EHCNA requests for numerous reasons, including a lack of knowledge about different presentations of SEN, a lack of time/resources (many parents are told there are pupils with more significant/complex needs than their DC) and the fact a good EHCP would mean the school would have to provide specific support. Although the LA is ultimately responsible for ensuring the provision is provided and EHCPs can be fully funded, LAs won’t do this unless forced and often expect schools to fund at least some of the provision.

In school they can really only do what they can do with the resources they have. The rest is up to you. You say you only read 3 times a week with her, that's insane! Have the teachers not suggested you need to do more? Rather than pouring your energy into "fighting the system" it makes sense to try to do what you can rather than try to get help from a system that is just too overwhelmed and underfunded. Being a single parent isn't an excuse either, your daughter's education needs to be your priority. Let some stuff fall and focus on this.

It’s really not that odd. It happens more often than many realise.

You clearly don’t have a wide experience of the SEN system because none of that is unusual. LAs and some schools give incorrect, and at times unlawful, advice day in, day out.

Have you looked into Right to choose for a dyslexia assessment? Sorry not sure if anyone else has asked

If she is dyslexic, then simply reading more often will not help. Why do you think she could be, op, aside from being behind? School should be able to do a free dyslexia screening assessment. If they seriously will not, then we paid about £65 for one to be done privately. This is not a full dyslexia assessment, it's a screening, to see if dyslexia is likely or not. Maybe you can look up signs of dyslexia, if you haven't already.

Honestly I would say try reading more often. I taught my DD early and it meant I did reading with her 5 days a week for at least 20 minutes. Less than a year later and she’s a few years ahead of expected. I know that sounds a lot but it is just practice. There isn’t enough reading time in school one on one to adequately teach a child who struggles to read. You have to make the time to practice and build familiarity especially if she struggles with retention.

If school have told you to read with her more often and you don’t do it the they will just say that you ignored guidance and theres no point in doing much else until you do it.

The SENCO at DD2's school was adamant that she didn't meet the criteria for an EHCP. She was awarded an EHCP on first attempt and moved to an independent specialist school by the LA. When that didn't work, they put in place an EOTAS package.

SENCOs are often given guidance by the Local Authority that doesn't reflect the law. They then repeat that to parents.

I dont think it is to the school benefit to do ehcp or anything really
Because
Children are there max 7yrs. Many say 1/3 of kids probably move schools too.
They would have to fill in paperwork and be held to legal controls on the ehcp. Review meetings.
In terms of sats afaik the kids are just excluded from sitting. So the data is actually better than a child not meeting.
Our school has say 58 kids but only 54 sat the sats.

Certainly the Dads behaviour seem odd (you would hope that refusing to do any homework with dc at all would be suggestive of something, providing he can read etc). Obviously dont know what is going on with mil but is his behaviour a symptom?

What is crazy though is that whatever the reason whether its lack of home practise or sen, the child is behind. And school should have to put in some intervention for being so far behind.

Its often a conflict of interest.
So school interest is only good results.
Parents want meeting expectations or higher.
Nhs want to do nothing.
But before we can say its sen the input into reading etc should be incresed by both school and home.

If she is dyslexic, then simply reading more often will not help

That's why Dancing bears program was good for my kids because they couldn't hear the sounds in words - and it helped them split words up which later helped with spelling - which is harder to crack.

My eldest had a great memory and it often looked like more reading and re-reading same books helped her - it help learn that story usually and frequently wasn't transferable to other books.

Any support groups for the genetic condition may well be best place to find information about it could be potentially affecting schooling but toe to toe or dancing bears could make a massive difference to reading and small amount of time do build up long term with them.

Park the EHCP and look at what support you can get. What does the sen policy say re: learning disabilities.

If your DD is behind then there should be a plan in place to support her. what are school doing, what can you do?

Ask for a meeting if they won’t agree switch to email and ask then why they won’t help. Ask what level she is working at. Ask if she is on sen register and if not why not. they don’t respond etc. Follow the schools complaint procedure and complain. Sadly she/he that shouts loudest gets the support!

I used a dyslexia charity for my DDs diagnosis approx £300. It was clear she was dyslexic from one weeks home schooling. School said she wasn’t.

This is reality 😂 You wouldn’t believe the system unless you were in it, but it is more unbelievable and unsupportive than you could ever imagine.

We paid £550 for a dyslexia diagnosis with a psychologist. Nothing to do with the school, they had no input.
Schools don’t test for it anymore annoyingly!!

I’ve worked with children with dyslexia and mild learning disabilities in primary school. Following interventions, they have all made progress but it is a very slow process. Repetition, repetition, repetition.

I suspect the reason Dad won’t get involved is because he has his own difficulties. If dyslexia runs in their family, that would make sense.

OP has a few choices: change school, intervene herself, get a professional assessment or chase/hassle current school. I’ll bet she does none of these.

IPSEA are very knowledgeable and their website and helpline helped me lots with the EHCP process . I've copied the below from their website.

"If a local authority (“LA”) is requested to carry out an EHC needs assessment by a parent, young person, school or college, they must consider:

whether the child or young person has or may have special educational needs (“SEN”); and
whether they may need special educational provision to be made through an EHC plan.
If the answer to both of these questions is yes, they must carry out an EHC needs assessment.

This test is set out in the law (section 36(8) of the Children and Families Act 2014). This means these are the only questions the LA should be asking when considering whether or not to carry out an EHC needs assessment." www.ipsea.org.uk/asking-for-an-ehc-needs-assessment^ ^

Make a parental application for an EHCP. You don't need schools support. If the local authority say no, appeal. 97% of parents currently win appeals against their local authority in regards to EHCPs and EHCP assessments.