Sister is making me ill

[FrostMoon]

My sister is 4 years older than me. Apparently she was very jealous when I was born. I didn't really feel this until I was at secondary school. I was academic whereas she struggled and left school with few qualifications. I got unpleasant comments. She used to steal my clothes and other things. She takes the piss of my frugal ways whilst running up debts herself. She's been extremely unpleasant since our parents died and has made sorting out the inheritance a total nightmare which I'm still stuck in.

Thing is I do love her but I can't stand it anymore. I'm not sleeping, can't eat and have a nervous stomach and 💩 from all the worry. I'm trying to sell the parental home but she's making things difficult (joint executors) arguing with the estate agent and is refusing to sort through the house contents.

What do I do?

I'd tolerate her until its all settled and your inheritance is sorted then make a complete break from her. She sounds draining x

could you give her a date when you will start sorting the house and she can then choose to help or not, I have been where you are and it is so hard but it will end

You might be better off changing the mindset to a business transaction until the legal stuff is settled, then you can go back to your emotions around it. I would draw up a list of tasks with deadlines. Say that she has until April 30th (whatever) to assist you in clearing the house or you are hiring someone to clean it out. The estate agent will have someone to refer you to, unless you'd prefer to do it yourself. Nail down a date that the house will go on the market, put it in writing with the agent. Treat her as if she is a lazy employee and give her an action plan. Take the drivers seat and stop letting her rule your life.

Grit your teeth and get through this period until the house is sold and inheritance is sorted. Try to keep all communication related to the estate but having a big bust up with her at this point is not going to help.

Once it is all sorted I'd take a huge step back.

Can you afford to see a counsellor to support you emotionally through this crap time?

It sounds like she has issues, maybe they are wider family issues that have flared up since the bereavements. Doesn't make it any easier but you are not going to change her so you just need to get through it.