I’m at the end of my tether with MIL now. She has been controlling and manipulative for as long as I can remember but she’s got so much worse since our baby was born 8 months ago.
We limited contact as she was becoming unbearable, she spams DH with texts every day and if he doesn’t respond she then rings me saying she is scared he has been in an accident as he’d never be too busy to respond. He’s always fine, just isn’t able to use his phone while working (he’s a lorry driver fgs so she knows he can’t answer!) I’ve had to tell her to calm down and cut the apron strings a bit which didn’t go down too well, but at this point I’d had enough of the suffocation.
She doesn’t leave the house much as she had an accident several years ago which resulted in a broken back. She cannot drive and cannot walk far without pain as her back healed hunched slightly. We all take it in turns helping with shopping etc (me, DH, his siblings and their partners). She’s never left without, we’ve all adapted our lives to care for her since the accident, yet now she’s come to demand everyone being at her beck and call and doesn’t even appreciate it.
Recently she was telling me what pushchair I have to buy because she prefers it, told me I’m stupid for the cot we bought because we didn’t want the expensive bulky one she suggested, and told me I need to dress our baby in red whenever we visit as she likes that colour. With a raised eyebrow we just let it fly over our heads but it’s almost like she’s an attention seeking child, always wanting more and finding ways to interfere or start arguments (mostly between her DD and her DH which is another story I don’t get involved in.)
Ive gently tried to encourage her going out or inviting friends round so she isn’t alone and bored all day but she says she’d rather just ring us instead. Hint not taken. I’ve asked DH to lessen contact more because I can’t cope with her, or he will have to see her with baby without me which he doesn’t want to do. I still take her shopping round twice a week and drive her to appointments, but in terms of social visits I’ve had enough.
I got a text from her today saying I need to come over right away because she ordered an Easter egg online for DH. I told her DH can collect it one day after work when he’s not on shifts, she said actually he can have them when you stay here over Easter, I’m sorry I didn’t get you one as you need to lose weight.
So right now I’m stewing on the fact she’s called me fat (I’m 10 stone and admittedly still need to lose 9 lb baby weight but I’m comfortable as I am and eat treats if I want to) and that she expects us to stay over Easter. I told her we have plans so we’ll pop in for an hour over Easter, I’m now waiting for DH to tell me she has left a voicemail screaming at him which she does often if she doesn’t get her own way.
I know I shouldn’t give in to her manipulation and to just ignore her, but I’m like a boiling volcano with her at the moment and wish she’d leave us alone.
So do I stop helping her and leave everything to DH including social visits or do I have it out with her and let her know that her demands and comments are unwelcome?
Sorry for the huge rant, I’ve just had enough of her turning every situation sour and making me resent DH slightly for not being stricter with her (the accident made everyone feel guilt and sad for her which has given her ‘permission’ to act this way ‘I could have died you know you’re lucky you have a mum’ - comment made to DSIL when she wanted to spend Mother’s Day with her children)
Disclaimer: I know not all MILs are bad, my ex MIL was fantastic and my friends and family have lovely MILs, so please don’t turn it into a MIL bashing thread, this situation is personality based not because she’s my MIL)