Struggling with (almost) four month old today. Need a handhold please

[user666555]

Hello,

So I'm currently struggling with my almost four month old. She turns four months in a few days. She will NOT nap. She's been up for over three hours and is refusing a nap. I've been trying everything. I'm rocking her in the pram, taking her on a walk, rocking her in my arms, I've fed her, put the heating on, switched the heating off, opened a window, closed a window, put white noise on etc. She's been really difficult to put to sleep for naps for the past 2-3ish days. She had her 16 week jabs on Thursday and was a bit unsettled but it's been a few days now so I'm not sure why she's being like this?

I'm really finding it hard as she is cranky due to over tiredness, my back is killing trying to rock her/the pram and I can't get anything done. Have a load of bottles that need washing etc. DP has to work all hours to provide.

FYI can't use a sling due to a bad back.

What else can I try? I feel desperate and like a failure

Hey!

These days are so difficult. I remember them really well. The only thing that worked for my two was a drive in the car - sorry if you don't have that option.

If she sleeps well at night - just look forward to sitting down for an hour tonight and relaxing.

This was the hardest age for me I really feel for you.

If you really need a minute just put her down for a bit and leave her. You have to preserve your sanity.

Oh no, it sounds like the 4 month sleep regression. IMO it's the worst one and gets much better from this point onwards. Some days my baby did not nap at all. I would keep trying what you're doing but it's probably just a developmental leap that they need to get through.

It is so hard. My DS did not nap at all and didn't sleep through the night. I used to put him in his crib awake so I could have a cup of tea on my own sometimes.

You do feel like you are going mad with exhaustion.

@user1471538283 I definitely feel like I'm going mad. How many times did your LO wake at night?

@hellobello25 Today has been a constant battle to try and get her to sleep. I'm worried it does sound like the sleep regression 😩. Feel like I haven't been able to catch a break. DD had terrible reflux and CMPA in the newborn stage, after a lot of trial and error finally got her milk and medication sorted and now she refuses to nap and cries due to tiredness. Oh the joys!

@TinkerTiger I've done this many times today. I really needed a two minute breather so she was in her pram (safely) whilst I composed myself. Felt really guilty afterwards that I needed to 'compose myself' whilst my baby was crying 😔

@SookieImHorny it's hard isn't it? 😢 when did it get better for you? X

Also worrying that everything I'm trying (new and old) to try and get baby to sleep is what will become the norm. I'm so desperate I'm trying all types of rocking, white noise, shushing noise, pram, etc etc. AppaRently if it is a regression it's due to changing sleeping cycles etc and the habits introduced during this time will stick. Is that true?

Hang on in there, it does get better. I found this stage probably the worst of all. I remember trying everything possible to get DD1 to sleep in the hope something would work but in reality, it's a crappy stage they go through.

I did start sleep training at 4 months for bedtime and naps which is very, very early (pick up put down method) but it gave me something to focus on and the bonus is that other than the odd sleep regression when we had to go back to sleep training DDs have always been excellent sleepers.

@GameOfJones how old is she now? Do you think there were any negative impacts to you sleep training so early? I've looked into it but the conflicting advice scares me. Some argue four months is too young but I don't have much help available as DP is the only one that works and has to work all hours to make ends meet. Even the earlier stages have been stressful for me due to CMPA and reflux. I feel like my battery is very low now due to four months of crying, confusion, anxiety and doctors trips etc.

What was night sleep like? How did you go about sleep training? In hindsight do you wish you waited until six months or are you happy you sleep trained when you did?

Her nap total for today so far is a grand total of two hours of extremely broken sleep 🙈 worried how the night will go as there's theories that bad day sleep = poor night sleep

Oh gosh, it's years ago! DDs are now 7 and 4 😁.

It worked for us starting sleep training at that time mainly because it gave me a focus but in reality I don't think waiting until 6 months would have hurt at all.

It has done them no damage whatsoever. They are loving, happy, settled girls. I wouldn't have done a sleep training method where I just left them to cry it out but I was happy with pick up put down as they knew I was there. As long as they were clean and fed and it was time for sleep I would sleep train both in the night and for naps.

Not going to lie, it took weeks at first! So I've no idea whether it was the training or they just grew out of a fussy stage. I'd have to go back to sleep training after regressions etc for a while but they've really been no bother with sleep. For years and years now they're told it's bedtime, go to bed, get tucked in and a kiss and they go to sleep. I know some friends (bearing in mind DDs are both in primary school now) still having to stay with their children at bedtime or are up and down stairs multiple times an evening and we have none of that so I'm a firm believer in the power of sleep training!

@GameOfJones I'm glad it worked for you. Happy to hear your DDs are content girls.

How does the pick up put down work? Do you pick them up when they cry then put them down when they settle and repeat and until they fall asleep? I think I'll try my best to wait maybe until she's at least 5 months but doing it alone is so tiring. I feel like a shell of a person

Basically yes! Pick them up, gently shush them and say it's sleep time then put them back down. On repeat. There are various methods out there though if you want to find one that works for you.

It really does get better but I remember the days of feeling like a zombie very well!

It won’t help with the napping at home, but getting out to a friendly playgroup can help. Often the volunteers will take your baby and walk around the room for you so you can have a cuppa and a wee! Plus you get to talk to actual grown ups!

@DownWhichOfLate how much does a session cost? That would be great!

The playgroups near to me are generally at churches and a voluntary contribution of £1-£2. If you’re on Facebook you could ask for local recommendations. Or if you are happy to share where you live people on here might be able to help.

It sounds like she's being over stimulated. I would put her down in her cot or where she sleeps at night while she's awake and keep doing the cuddle/put down method. And be really really consistent. It's hard going, especially the first day but she'll soon learn to soothe herself to sleep. Mine rarely slept on me, and we had a great routine of morning and afternoon naps. You need that break yourself to have a moment, and overtired babies are never happy babies.

Some babies just don't sleep that much, or they need less sleep at certain stages of their life.

DD is 4 months now and she's curious and always looking about; very little interest in sleeping.

I know with my first I'd be panicking if he went a couple of hours without a nap and I spent SO much time rocking, shushing, singing etc.

With DD, I'm just going with the flow. She regularly stays awake for 3 or 4 hours and her naps are short as she loves a cat nap. I know if she was my first I'd be doing everything to get her to sleep, but with a toddler, I don't have the time or energy!

However, DD's not crying and seems quite content even when she's not slept much. If your baby is crying and obviously over tired, I'd be the same; trying what I could to get her to sleep.

Sometimes a "re set" helps. Stop trying to put her to sleep and do something else e.g. a bath or dancing to a song. Give both of you a break, and reduce those stress levels.

When she's mega over tired I find the best thing is a walk outside in the sling.

4 month sleep regression is awful.

Do you have a sling / carrier? Pop them in there and do some jobs or pram and go for a walk.
Don't stress though. They'll sleep eventually.

@Crowgirl unfortunately I can't use a sling. I have a bad back. Was kind of bad prior to pregnancy but has been worse since pregnancy and having my DD. Will probably be bed bound if I use a sling as the pain afterwards will be horrible. Thank you 💕 I suppose it's easy to forget that in the moment.

@Alloveragain3 that's my issue. The fact that she cries due to over tiredness. I can deal with her not being an overly sleepy baby, but it's the crying because she needs sleep and is overtired that I find hard. I don't think she loves sleep in comparison to some other babies I've seen, but I think she does need the minimum at least to not feel groggy. Unfortunately she fights it.

Loves looking around now that she can see a lot more, but it also means that again - she's distracted. The blinds we have (rental place) aren't really blackout so even though I close them, she can still see what's happening around her.

@HesterPrincess definitely over stimulated. But even when I put her down before she gets tired and follow 'wake windows' she just hates being put down. She needs help falling asleep and the things that used to help no longer work as well anymore

@DownWhichOfLate I've had a look at some local ones. Will probably try and visit one this week and see how I get on. Do they all judge you if your baby cries a lot? What if baby goes there and just falls asleep? 🙈

It sounds like 4 months sleep regression. I have a 2.5 year old and we went through something similar. Just do whatever you can to get sleep and don't worry about bad habits. My dd napped on me until she was 18 months, now sleeps independently.

Go for it! If they sleep the whole time leave them in their pram and have a cup of tea and chat to the other mums. Find out what groups there are etc. If your baby cries a lot (from my experience) one of the organisers / helpers often swoops in and offers to jiggle baby to see if it helps (but only if you want them to!). No one judges, as we’ve all been there!

I would recommend you also look into safe cosleeping on the lullaby trust website, I had the best naps in bed with my little one at about that age x