ADHD/autism. New neighbours. Social anxiety.

[4LittlePaws]

I've moved to a new area, very close knit street. I was told by previous tenant everyone is friendly which is what you want of course.

But I have extreme social anxiety and am waiting for ADHD autism assessments.

I just don't like to chat to people, it causes me so much stress. I say hello but then I scuttle inside.

It's took me a long time to accept who I am. To tell myself I don't have to push myself into social situations to fit into the 'norm'.

My previous neighbours knew me for me and we always said hi but weren't chatty, but we all liked each other.

New neighbour cornered me the other day and was saying how in the summer we should get together /do food/visit Xyz place.
It's terrace houses with shoulder height walls in garden so I feel like they'd be the type to chat over the walls (my worst nightmare)

I did the normal 'yeah course. That would be great' thing, hoping it's just talk and they won't actually invite us round for BBQ etc

Even writing that is making my heart race :(

I wish I was normal because a little chat with a neighbour shouldn't cause so much stress. My husband is naturally chatty and makes friends with everyone so he was chatting to husband for ages whilst I was sweating away with the wife wanting to escape.

I'm exactly the same so don't have any advice for you unfortunately, but empathise with how difficult it is. I listen at the front door for movement and peek out of the Windows before exiting, just to avoid having to bump into anyone!. It's no way to live. The anxiety is excruciating.

Oh my gosh. Same.

I'm sat in my living room now and I need to go out soon but I can hear people stood outside chatting away. So will wait till it's quiet.

I peek through the peephole on the door too 😂

Ha! If I had a peephole I'd be using that too! I wish I had the answer and could say to you just do it, go outside and go about your day without a second thought about your neighbours, but it's not that easy. It's our minds that imprison us. I avoided meeting my neighbour for over a year when I moved house by employing those tactics!

If you want to be friendly maybe be honest. Say that you find social interactions a little difficult but it's you not them and that you really are friendly but just prefer to keep things low key.
Since I accepted I'm a bit autistic I just am honest. Personally I'd say I love the sound of the barbecue and really appreciate how friendly everyone is but I find events like that difficult so I'll just pop in for 5 minutes to say hi, but please don't take it personally as it's just the way I'm made.

The vast majority of people say this as small talk when meeting new neighbours. The probability of it materialising into a social situation is on the low side.

I'd politely smile and wave each time you see them, then go about your business.

I know it's easier said than done but try not to give them too much head space.

Regarding the garden, is there any way you could attach trellis to the wall to give you some extra height and privacy? You could train shrubs to climb. I'd never use the garden if that was the set up, not that I use the garden anyway if neighbours are outside! It feels too close for comfort.