I started OLD in the summer. Have been on dates with two guys. One guy I was seeing briefly was all about the physical side and it was fun and a nice release after four years single! The other guy was lovely but there was no chemistry so it didn't progress, even though he said he was really attracted to me and wanted to progress.
I now find myself with a tiny bit more time and want to take dating a bit more seriously. However, I've suddenly been hit by a huge wave of insecurity around my looks and body image i'm 5ft 4, size 10-12. I have a belly, cellulite and none of my body is toned at all. With clothes on I look fine, but I'm so conscious that I'm not toned and if I get to be intimate with someone they'll run a mile. Then on top of that I start over analysing my looks, not in a vain way but looking in the mirror and criticising everything - my teeth aren't bright white, I have dark circles under my eyes without make up, when I smile my lips go weird, my hair sits funny, I have a triple chin when I'm lying in bed etc! I'm becoming a bit obsessed with 'how could/would anyone find me attractive.' I don't know why this sudden lack of confidence has come from. I've had two good connections on OLD ghost me and maybe that's dented my confidence, but I find myself being overly critical on my self and am so worried about my date next week that he'll be disappointed in my physical appearance when he meets me. I also do think the constant barrage of beauty images, with everyone being retouched either by filters or by cosmetic procedures (Botox/fillers/lios etc) doesn't help. The only work I've ever had done is my nails once a month.
On top of that I also keep thinking how could someone in their late 30s/mid 40s possibly want a 42 year old single mum! I know I sound a bit pathetic but would love to hear your secrets to good self esteem and any positive OLD stories from people in my situation. Realise this is a bit of a pity party post so thanks for reading.