Noisy neighbours leaving me constantly anxious

[0nthe3dge]

I Have been suffering at the hands of noisy upstairs neighbours for over a year now and am not sure how much longer I can go on for.

I live in a second floor flat with neighbours attached above and to one side. I have lived in this flat for almost 10 years and obviously dealt with multiple noise issues during that time. I have always been able to hear the people above me moving around but nothing has ever compared to those above us now.

It all started about 15 months ago when they moved in and immediately set to work renovating the whole place. This included very loud DIY every evening, basically until I knocked on to ask if the hammering, drilling, sawing etc could stop (getting on for 10pm and I can only assume would have been later if I hadn’t asked).
That went on for months and honestly, the banging was so loud it was as though it was happening in my own home.
Towards the end of the DIY months, friends of theirs with a young toddler moved in so the noise of hammering was interspersed with the noise of the toddler running across the entire apartment constantly every evening. This running would not end until 10.30pm at least.

During this time we tried to sell up and move but were hampered by issues with buyers and gave up after 6 months. The market wasn’t great and our nerves were just not up to the disappointments on top of the noise stress.

Things quietened down slightly for a while and then ramped up again around October last year. These people honestly never sit down. I am not even sure they sleep! They genuinely move around constantly at every hour of the day and night. Heavy footsteps, furniture dragging, hammering and for the past few months intermittent very heavy bangs all evening and into the earlier hours of the morning. I have tried to speak to them about it again but their answer is that this is ‘the sounds of the building’ and not them.

I am at the point where when I am home I am just worrying about when the next sound will occur. I spend most of the time with ear cancelling headphones in and feel like I am going to burst into tears at the slightest thing.

We are in the process of trying to sell again but after a particularly bad week of early morning (2am) banging and a few visits from the highly active toddler, I am not sure I can last much longer.

I am now also panicking that we will move and our new neighbours will be just as bad or worse.

Has anyone any advice on how I can stop obsessing about it?

Just wanted to send sympathy. I've been there. Your comment on anticipating the noise really resonated with me.
All I can say is, we moved. Life got better. We moved really rurally to escape neighbours. We do have a small number of them, but very few compared to our previous place.
I really hope you can sell your home quickly and escape.

That sounds really difficult. Maybe when they renovated they took carpets out? I’m not sure what you could do, but I think you need to speak to someone it sounds like you have anxiety and might need medication at this point

Thank you for the replies. I will cling onto the hope that we can sell and move on…hopefully to quieter neighbours.
I have suggested to our management company that they have taken the carpets up but they say there is no way to prove it and nothing they can do.

No way to prove they have taken the carpets up??? Can’t they knock at the door and look? If there is a building rule that they must have carpets can’t they issue them with a breach and check?

They said they spoke to them and were assured they had carpets and there was nothing more they could do without proof.

To be honest I think that has added to the anxiety. I want to sell and move on so have tried not to get overly tied up on ongoing complaints as they seem to get me nowhere. But I constantly feel frustrated as I am still living with it.

I just wanted to say that you're not alone, if that helps, and that some of us feel exactly the same. We've finally accepted an offer so hopefully moving soon as I've been so unhappy here. I'm truly not cut out for living in a mid terrace. Like you, I flinch at every sound now and my mental health is in the toilet. I've started researching CBT and misophonia which is helping a bit. There's a very good book called Sounds like Misophonia which has some good coping strategies. I also use Loop earplugs which are expensive but worth every penny.
To be honest, although I try and own my problem, I don't totally agree its all my issue. People can be monumentally thoughtless and what makes it worse is that I'd never behave that way. I'm so sorry you're suffering and I really hope things change for you soon 💐

Thank you. I will have a look for that book and hopefully find some good strategies.
You absolutely read my mind on the thoughtlessness of others. The reaction of the neighbours and knowing I would be appalled if I knew I was making my neighbours suffer like this just makes it so much worse!
Congratulations on getting an offer on your house and I hope everything works out well for you 🤞

I'm so sorry, I know exactly what this feels like and it's horrendous to have no peace or enjoyment of your own home. They are misogynistic bullies in the main who would never continue making all of the disturbances if you were a man that they actually respected and/or thought you might physically threaten them. I hope you manage to sell and move out.

I hate to be the one to say this but the fact that you've discussed this with the management company, possibly means you will have to declare a neighbour dispute when you sell

Im replying in solidarity. Why are some people so selfish? Can you hear their conversations or is it ‘just’ the banging? I also seem to be hyper aware and sit wondering if/when they will be home and feeling stressed about it. It is hard to try and ignore. Door slamming at any hour of the day then lengthy phone conversations till the early hours or in person conversations. Don’t they feel embarrassed to know that I can hear every word? I bought loop earbuds for getting to sleep but they hurt a bit plus i can still hear the shrieking.

Had this happen just recently. It's horrendous. No apology when approached. Just " it's the weekend " and "can you not wear earplugs/earphones?".

They were talking and laughing loudly until 3.45am. We were exhausted getting up early Saturday morning.

Effing selfish. They basically made out we were the unreasonable ones!

Fair enough have friends over but tone it down by midnight! Some of us need to sleep!

Absolutely hilarious that when people can't get any sleep...