How can I be a better person

[Pno]

I feel like I’ve become such a horrible person since I had my DS 2 years ago. I know im
majorly sleep deprived and stressed but although they contribute to me changing I don’t think it’s an excuse

im so antisocial now I don’t want to see anyone or make an effort with anyone. I don’t make an effort with myself

im so full of anger and like just negativity? I’m not angry in front of my kids or with them but
like if I go out on a drive alone and someone does something like pull out a bit quick making me stop etc I get stupidly angry and not the natural eye roll at someone being a little careless

i shop so much I just keep shopping and I don’t like that side of me

ive been snapping at dh and taking it out on him to the point where our relationship is at breaking point
i I don’t trust his side so I don’t let them have our kids and barely let DH be alone with them as I only want to care for them or my parents

it’s not that o don’t trust dh with them it’s that I feel like he’ll run to his family and take them to see them without me ther
i don’t want my kids around his family unsupverised by me

Because I Get the vibe his family don’t like me and I get why because I probably don’t even like myself at this point

i just don’t know why I’ve changed so much and why I’m kind of miserable and only want to do the best for my kids (normal but I don’t want to for myself or other loved ones It’s only my kids£

please don’t be too harsh I know I’m a bit of andickhead I just don’t know how to get back to how I used to be

Are you depressed? This is what I was like after having the kids. I was also very anxious, which made me irritable and snippy. Medication was very useful, and I noticed a difference very quickly.

Also, maybe start journalling. I found that when I was making an effort to think about the positives I felt better. And I read the Daily Stoic, which I find useful.

first things first, you need to sort your anger towards everything- it’s totally normal and quite easy to sort! whenever you get angry at something or someone, take a deep breath and try to understand and move past it (eg the person that pulled out carelessly was probably a bit tired and forgot to check properly- i’m sure you’ve been there too!). after a while the angry thoughts will be replaced by nice ones naturally, and everything feels better when you’re nice and understanding, including how you feel about yourself! your relationship w DH will improve with this too, but his family is one to talk to him about- calm communication is key.
feeling like everyone hates you comes with lack of sleep, and that will improve as DS gets older.
shopping is really just a matter of budgeting, with free spending money included. your relationship w DH will improve with this too, but his family is one to talk to him about.
oh and make an effort with your friends, you need downtime from the children!

I agree you’re sounding depressed (not valuing yourself, shopping to a point it’s causing issues, not wanting to engage, are clues something’s amiss). You also seem overwhelmed. Looking on the bright side, the world is full of unexamined dickheads with no reason to be unpleasant and we pretty much all have days where we overreact in traffic etc. Go easy on yourself with that. You’re not a dickhead, just going through some stuff.

Hard to say on a brief post but you don’t sound like you feel you’ve got the full run of yourself. I can empathise. Hormones can also cause this ‘who the fuck am I becoming’ feeling. Two years post-natal is a funny old time. I won’t tell you what I did after mine but on reflection I was in a very strange place both times. The second time was Mood Armageddon! I don’t know how DH stood it.

I don’t think enough is said about how comprehensively childbirth and children can wreck your head. It feels like you’ve got to be everything to everyone and fight not to lose yourself. That can end up in an over-correction; I’ve gone through stages of being snappish, selfish and paranoid. It’s like the protective instinct runs mad. Difficulty is, it can end up as controlling behaviour.

A lot of how to tackle the problems depends on what you want. Do you want your marriage to work? Do you have legitimate concerns about your ILs or is it more a feeling that they might turn the kids against you/ just won’t do it right?

Have you got someone to speak to IRL about the way you’re feeling? A friend? Could you use the money you’re springing on stuff you don’t need to see a counsellor?
Work on yourself getting yourself in a better place mentally. Your kids will be fine. You’re saying sleep deprivation and stress aren’t excuses but they are absolutely reasons for behavioural change.

Thank you for the no judgment comments I was quite scared to share how I’ve been

I’ve had 2 kids my 2nd is 6 weeks old and I felt like I had gotten like somewhere last year and then I was pregnant again (unplanned surprise)

I do want my relationship to work I don’t want to split cos I love him I’m just so tired and wrapped up in being a mum I put our relationship on the back burner

re: in laws. Yes I feel they’d say bad things and make my
Kids hate me and also that they won’t look after them right. That sounds awful but like I like to offer healthy snacks fruit etc and DS enjoys fruit it’s what he requests. They try to give lots of biscuits chocolate etc and try to overpower me and make comments when I ask them not to
so im also scared they’d go and be overfed and told how shit their mum is by in laws

I definitely need to fix the anger I feel just angry at so much? When DH whines a bit I feel like saying fuck off !!!! Because I’m the one not sleeping, everything seems to fall to me and he doesn’t get why I get stressed

I don’t have many friends which won’t be a shock but I don’t go many places to. Any time DS was babysat (before having my 6wo dd) I wouldn’t go out hobby wise or pick up a hobby

I do feel like pregnancy, 2 c sections and general being a parent and so overwhelmingly worried every second of every day has shifted me completely
and it’s not an excuse but it has changed me