When I was 9 my best friend emigrated. Since then I’ve never been so close to anyone, other than my DH. I seem to go through patches of being part of a lovely close group, then over time I start getting left out and it ends up with the others staying in touch with each other but not with me. There’ve been a good number of times over the years where I’ve discovered all the others in what I thought was a close friendship group have gone and done something really fun that hasn’t even been mentioned to me, let alone been invited. I’ve been part of a close group at school, then at uni, and more recently with school mums, and work colleagues - but I always seem to be forgotten. Sooner or later I’ll discover that they’ve all gone out for a night out, or to the theatre, or away for the weekend, and nobody has thought to invite me.
DH doesn’t really have close friends, but I know it doesn’t matter as much to him - he’s quite happy in his own company and with me and the kids, whereas I really need other friends too. I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I’m sociable, but not overbearing; I make an effort to stay in touch, but don’t bombard people; I make sure I’m interested in their lives too; I’m trustworthy, loyal and ready to help out, and I make people laugh, and I think I’m pretty easy to get on with. I’m autistic (late diagnosis in my 30s) so it doesn’t always come naturally and I’m careful to try and follow social cues. I don’t seem to have issues getting on with people, or making friends, but at some point no matter what I do I always end up getting left out.
I discovered the other day that my good friends from work had all gone out together yet again without inviting me, this time to a concert I’d have loved to have seen; I live further out and have kids, which none of them do, so I think they assume I won’t be interested, but I am and I’ve said so a few times - I can’t keep doing that without sounding really needy. I try to suggest things to both my work and mum friends, but nobody ever replies or says they can come when I suggest it - either that, or they’ll say no and then I’ll discover they’re going to that event with someone else. I’ve met people through hobbies, but then it fizzles out and they never contact me again.
DH is wonderful, as are the DCs, but if I lost him I’d have nobody. I experienced a few really traumatic life events in my 20s so feel I missed out on social life then. I’m now nearly in my 40s and everyone else seems to have established friendship groups, and I just don’t. I still miss my best friend but she’s moved on too and doesn’t stay in touch. I’m just so sad.