How to be sensitive and tell him I don't fancy him

[HotCoffeePlease]

I'm so new to OLD

I met a lovely guy, had first proper date last night.

I just don't fancy him at all, no sexual spark, chemistry so that's a deal breaker, the end as far as I'm concerned.

He definitely didn't pick up on my lack of spark and is very vocal about how into me he is, when can we meet up etc.

How can I tell him, what do I say without doubting nasty?

I've been massively messed around in the past and I'm not going to date someone because they are a nice person.

What do I say? Help 😬

Hi - although it was good to meet, I’m sorry I just didn’t feel the spark between us I was looking for, so wouldn’t be up for meeting again. Best wishes for the future and I do hope you meet someone soon.

OLD veteran here! 😁 All you need do is text him: " It was lovely meeting you on xxx date. Thanks very much for the coffee/tea/milkshake. I'm sorry but I don't feel that we are suited so won't be meeting you again. I hope things go well for you." And leave it at that. No discussion or negotiation or dithering.

I'd be very wary of those people who are super keen straight away! Be careful of being love bombed. It feels amazing at the time, but is manipulative and ultimately meaningless.

You get better at this as you date

”hi name, thank you for meeting up the other night [and for paying for dinner, you didn’t have]. I want to be honest with you, I am intentional with my dating experiences and know exactly what I’m looking for. I really don’t want to mess you around and I’d never just ghost someone. But for me, the spark wasn’t there for me. Wish you all the best”

assuming he text you since last night, go with a reply similar to that but I’d actually leave it a day or two before responding. If he hasn’t text, then don’t send the above. Just leave it and see if he gets in touch.

Sometimes these things are mutual both ways and you develop a bit of thicker skin on it not progressing.

Yes he had sent me 3 voice notes by the time I got home saying how amazing I was and how he can't wait to see me again.

I'm so grateful for the advice above.

I hate having to tell him this. In theory a great catch but there was no chemistry and I absolutely could not imagine sleeping with him so that's it for me.

🙁 awful at this sort of thing but won't be ghosting

3 voice notes by the time you got home is a bit over the top. I'd be put off by that alone!

I'd just say 'it was lovely to meet you and thank you for an (interesting / enjoyable / other positive adjective) evening. Unfortunately the spark wasn't there for me, but I wish you all the best with your search'

He sounds annoying!

Don’t say ‘I am intentional with my dating’ 😂

3 voice notes is way too much (potential “love bombing”)

Have you been dating long? Is this a first date?

I don’t like game playing but I actually wouldn’t respond today / immmediately. Put a bit of distance between you which will send a signal to him that you’re perhaps not as interested as he is. So when you do send the “sorry not for me” message, it isn’t as much as a shock.

Three voice notes in such a short space of time? Nooooo. There is no doubt whatsoever that you're doing the right thing. Don't give him another thought.

Tell him soon, don't let him hang on.

Three voice notes? Some of us can't even get a text back 😭😀

Intentional with my dating experiences 😆

Just say that to him OP and he'll get the ick so fast he'll move to The Congo, never to be seen again.

Block him too.

This nails it.

I was so appreciative of a guy being honest with me once after a first date rather than any ghosting or pussyfooting around. Just best to be honest.

Don't stress it. all you need to say is 'I very much enjoyed your company but I'm afraid I didn't feel a romantic spark'.

Three voice notes in a short space of time from someone I'd just met would massively give me the ick.

Oh yes just be blunt. You had a nice time but you didn’t feel the attraction you were looking for and good luck to him. Anything woolier will leave him with hope and he’ll try to stay in touch

Hi X

Thanks so much for last night, was lovely to meet you. I am sorry but I don't want to take this any further. I wish you all the best.

Use clear Blunt language. It's harsh but if you use phrases like i think or I'm nor sure or give excuses then you'll just dig yourself. Cruel to be kind.