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Original poster

Has anyone made someone a legal guardian of their children in event of death?

38 replies

Helpmeiiam · 23/03/2024 06:09

Morbid for a Saturday morning I know. But it's been playing on my mind for sometime, I'm not religious so we haven't had a christening for 5 yo DS so no godparents.
I'm an older mum and so all our families are much older, if me and DH both died going to grandparents wouldn't be right as they are too old (plus I wouldn't want him bought up the same way I was!)
Uncles would be ruled out too for similar reasons. I have a lovely friend who are just lovely parents and carry the same values as us. They have children but have said they would foster or adopt too so I'm pretty certain they would be happy to accept if I asked them to be legal guardians in even of our deaths.

Has anyone done this? Does it need to be in a will?

OP posts:
Mindymomo · 23/03/2024 06:17

We put it our Wills, who we would like as Guardians, then changed our Wills when the oldest became an adult.

Inyourwildestdreams · 23/03/2024 06:17

DH and I have a joint will stating that in the event we were both no longer here, my sister would become the legal guardian of our child and will hold his inheritance in trust for him until he’s an adult.

We have family on both sides who I know would try to take over everything and hold very different values to DH and I so I wanted to be sure that the legal responsibility would go to someone who would ensure he would be raised in the way we want.

brittanyfairies · 23/03/2024 06:18

I am a single mum, when my DCs were very small this really worried me if anything should happen to me. I asked my best friend and her husband if they would take the DCs and they said yes, I then had this written into my Will.

Philandbill · 23/03/2024 06:24

Yes, made wills and specified guardians when DD2 was a tiny baby. Had meant to do it after DD 1 was born but never got round to it.
I'd urge everyone to make a will, in our extended family two people have died intestate and neither in straightforward circumstances. Family have been very mature, considerate and generous to each other but they were hard circumstances to be in on top of grief.

Original poster
Helpmeiiam · 23/03/2024 06:24

That's good to hear.
Is the proper term just 'legal guardian in event of death'?

OP posts:
Elsewhere123 · 23/03/2024 06:26

In the short term if your friend agrees just write her a letter and keep a copy. Getting wills sorted out can take time.

MariaVT65 · 23/03/2024 06:26

Again, write it into your wills. Make several bsck ups as well.

We were told our wishes would be considered but the suitability at the time will also be factor and the kids may not go to whoever is top of the list.

Also depends how often you update your will. We did ours 3 years ago when we had one baby and im-laws were able. Now we have 2 kids and in-laws’ health is in decline.

Philandbill · 23/03/2024 06:26

Honestly can't remember the terms I'm afraid. We went to a solicitor to get things drawn up as I wanted it all watertight. Not cheap - especially as I was on maternity leave - but worth it to us.

Cuwins · 23/03/2024 06:28

We have wills that name 2 guardian options- my sister first and a friend second. When writing it with the solicitor he said it was best practice to have more than 1 in case person one wasn't an option for any reason. And it had already occurred to us that my sister spends a lot of time with us and it wasn't totally implausible that in the event of something happening to us, like a car crash, that she would also be with us and therefore effected too.
Like you we have older parents so didn't want to name them.

RandomMess · 23/03/2024 06:29

I had one friend as executor and trustee for funds and 2 other friends as legal guardians with instructions they weren't to go to my parents and I would want them kept together (>3 DC) I think had it happened one of them would have fostered/adopted them but my ask was just that they acted in my DC best interests at that time and advocated for them.

Mindymomo · 23/03/2024 06:30

Proper Term.

Guardianship Appointment.
If my wife ……. dies before me, I appoint …………. of ……….. address to be guardians of my children who are under 18 years of age.

then obviously mirror Will for myself.

Brandnewskytohangyourstarsupon · 23/03/2024 06:41

Yes we did it.
The godparent thing is a myth, kids don’t go to god parents, that’s to do with spiritual guidance and has zero legal standing.

We put named people I to our wills as nominated legal guardians.
We were advised that there is the possibility that children can be placed into care as for safeguarding, the legal system does not know if (if noon is nominated by the parents) family members are suitable to take on child/ren so until this is established on the death of both parents, they must be safeguarded.

Also had to add in financial provision for the duration of the childhood.
So assets/bank accounts etc needed to be legally planned for the guardians to be financially provided for ensuring ease of access to the funds rather than them being locked away until child reaches adulthood. As in, all tied up in trust funds.
Kids cost money and come with additional financial burden to whoever takes them on.

Lots to consider, but worth it. For us, it was making plans in the event of our deaths. Also sorted out the scenario of if one or the other of us dies, it is a legal bloody minefield regarding ensuring financial stability. Care costs too, the house would need to be sold if either of us had a catastrophic injury and needed care, that’s the roof over our and our kids heads. All needs safeguarding legally.

Riverlee · 23/03/2024 06:46

We wrote it in our wills.

Brandnewskytohangyourstarsupon · 23/03/2024 06:46

Sounds really morbid I know but we learned from other people’s mistakes as we had a friend who’s wife died suddenly leaving them with small kids.
We got to thinking about the “what ifs” so got a solicitor appointment to ask. As soon as all of the above was explained, we got a price to do it and got it done as soon as we could as priority.
We are water tight.

pinkstripeycat · 23/03/2024 06:51

Yes in our wills. We picked my mum and when she became less able we changed to my DC godmother.

DS1 is now 18. We’ve had a conversation with him and DS2 about what to do if anthing happens to us but their godmother is there to help if need be.

TeenDivided · 23/03/2024 06:55

@Brandnewskytohangyourstarsupon Has a good point re financial too.

We had things going into trust, but letter of wishes saying access for all reasonable things such as education, medical, alterations so guardian can house kids etc.

Also consider it isn't just looking after a niece or nephew. It is parenting a grief stricken/traumatised child and advocating for them.

Guardian doesn't need to house/patent, but advocates for their best intetest.

Autienotnaughtie · 23/03/2024 06:55

We named four guardians in our wills. My dh parents if we were to die imminently and our two dd if they were in a position to do so (at the time they were 18 and 20 and still in education) ds has Sen and will need life long support.

PermanentTemporary · 23/03/2024 06:55

We asked dh's brother and wife and it was in our wills, with provision for them to claim expenses from our estate.

After dh died the relationship with them broke down, and also ds was older and if I went too, I didn't want him to have to leave his school and friends. So I asked close friends to take him. I knew it would cost them as they rent out their spare room, so I made sure it was clear in the will that they could claim for that loss of income too.

PrinceLouisWeirdFinger · 23/03/2024 06:57

My sister and I had reciprocal arrangements. If anything happened to her and her husband I would have assumed guardianship for her DD and in the reverse case she’d have assumed responsibility for my DC. Luckily we have never needed to invoke it, but it was good to know it was agreed and settled.

Rayna37 · 23/03/2024 07:33

If you have children you really should have a will. The solicitor would always make sure this is covered.

LlynTegid · 23/03/2024 07:34

I think you should be commended for thinking about this, hopefully of course never something that happens in reality.

If you have no will make one, and seek advice as to what it should say.

merryandbrightdelight · 23/03/2024 07:35

We have in our life insurance and it's also in our will

arinime · 23/03/2024 07:40

We haven't because there isn't anyone who could do it. I'm NC with my family, DH's parents are too old, DH's brother has health issues, we have no close friends. Statistically it's unlikely to be an issue so we are just crossing our fingers now.

Cbljgdpk · 23/03/2024 07:42

We put this in our wills and made sure that the family member would have money from our life insurance to support our children. Mainly I didn’t want arguing in our family about who would care for the children as there are specific people we don’t want to do this and they’d probably be the first to step forward

BarrelOfOtters · 23/03/2024 07:56

If you don’t have wills you should. My sister asked me if I’d be guardian to my 4 nephews and nieces. I rather blithely said yes at the age of 24 and she put it in their will. What were we both thinking? anyway they are all in their 30s now with their parents still going strong.

I also found out I had been put down as guardian in another brothers will without being asked…